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5.17.2016

IN WHICH I LOVE THE TARGET, PART TWO


I love the Target.

In fact, let's be honest here; I'd live at the Target if they sold beds like at the Macy's.

Truthfully, I can't make it out of the Target without spending at least $100 on wonderfully useless things. It is always surprising to me how quickly these cheap little things can become so very expensive, and today's Target day was a day just like that. 

Today's Target day was the same as always and yet so, so different, and discombobulating (a fantastic word), and disorienting, and so now, here is the story of today's Target Day,

-aka- 
Going Out The Way We Came In

-or-
Closure Is Important To Human Emotions

-but if you'd rather-
Let's Make A Target Sandwich

***

So, the other day I needed to go to the Target. 

Well . . . I didn't really need to go to the Target, but I did want some alone time. 

I also wanted to see this brass lamp that I keep on seeing all over Instagram. It is everywhere! It looks so classy!

You probably have one too, right?? Yeah, you do.

Whenever I see this lamp I always catch myself thinking it can never truly be possible that it actually came from the Target. Because it looks way too slick. It's probably not as great in person.

This was a theory I was willing to invest time into.

Mostly, however, the real reason I wanted to go to the Target that day was so that I could end this flipping blog already.

***

I have been ready to be done with this blog for something like ten years at this point.

And always, when I thought about it, I had this idea in the back of my mind that, this, someday, was how I was going to go out.

Which is to say, by going out the way I came in.

By which I mean, by writing about shopping.

Plus, I'd been having hella writer's block for a couple of months and I thought that maybe the long drive might crack something open.

(Well, it didn't.)
(Try picturing a Prius-shaped thought bubble hurtling towards the ever loving embrace of the closest Target, 90 minutes north of here, and you about got it.)

All the drive long I wondered and wondered.
What would I want to say in this, my very last blog post?
What are my messages? What are my themes?? Do I have any of those things??? What has all this been, anyway????
What does a reader even look for in a decent flounce post these days?

I definitely wanted it to be, like, MEANINGFUL.
An essay! You know, one of the good ones.
Make it mean something! On a treadmill! With Dave Chappelle!!

"I was eloquent! Shit!!"

But the more I thought about it, the more I knew. I am just way too over it at this point for something like that. I am just actually that ready.

***

So, this is it. 

Without pomp or circumstance or anything terribly exciting to go along with it, here it is. 

After ten years of blogging, I am closing up shop.

***



(This part is the part at the end where I say, "Hey, guys, thank you.")

Dearest People Of My Blog,

Hey guys. Thank you.

Thank you for always being incredibly fantastic and intelligent and fascinating and kind whenever we've been able to meet in person.

Thank you for your beautifully thoughtful comments and emails.

Thank you for your prayers! I've felt the them, I swear it. Every last one.

Thank you for your sisterhood, for sharing your experiences with faith, infertility, hope, and the hard things, and for letting me feel at times like I was your big sister. This has and will continue to give my life an insanely wonderful added purpose and meaning. It makes me want to cry anytime I think about it.

I'm so grateful for you, you weird little knuckleheads, for supporting me and coming along with me and for liking the same dumb things as me, and for asking me things like where I get my white t-shirts and clogs, and for buying my book, and f or showing up when I've held  events, and for always being so much stinking cooler than me.

Thank you.

Thank your, ladies and gentlemen!


And now for my parting words. My legacy! Get excited!

That lamp at the Target is EVERY BIT as rad in real life as it seems online.
Wouldn't it be nice if everything was like that?

208 comments:

  1. It's the end of an era! I could honestly cry reading this post; you will be missed. But mad respect for going with your gut, like you always do. Best of luck to you and your family! I hope you do continue to pop up on social media so we can get a glimpse of an update.

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  2. I was so afraid of this. You will be sorely, sorely missed!

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  3. Today, I cry! Thank you for your years of opening up and sharing with us, you've made this insane internet a better internet. Love and best wishes to you and your family!

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  4. AW. Sad day for us. I was kind of wondering if you were on the way out. I'm going to miss reading your words and seeing your face. I hope you do pop up on social media. I feel like we're friends, even though you don't know me from Adam, so just a small plea to not go private. :) But then again, you do you. Thanks for the blogging!! Enjoy Idaho!

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  5. Oh this is so sad! I can't believe you wont be here. It's been a pleasure to read you all these years. Hugs from Buenos Aires!

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  6. Natalie, I truly enjoyed reading your stories over the years. Loved your wit, humor and emotions you shared with us. wishing you nothing but the best.

    PS: Secretly hoping this post is your long lost April Fools joke. 3.2.1. Gotcha?

    Hugs!

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  7. No!! I saw your tweet, saw the title, got the point, shut off my tv and prepared to pay full attention. I was excited for you. You seem not so into it, and I'm always happy for a friend to actually do something about a situation! Hooray! But then. I got selfish. This is all within fifteen seconds btw. I feel so stupid saying this. We don't know each other. But you've put yourself out there, so I will do the same.

    I loved your posts. You've made me feel things. You've helped me sort through things. You've brought me very effective retail therapy when I needed it. Sometimes when I was down, struggling, with fertility and other things, I needed you. I turned to you. And your blog always made me feel better. It was a distraction, entertainment sure, whatever, but I always felt better after reading it. I liked you. I still really like you. I'm glad there are people like you in the world. Raw, complicated, brave, honest, flexible people like you. People can be so full of shit. You were warts and all, and your heart and your face looked gorgeous doing it.

    Thank you for everything, and please forgive this hormonal old fangirl her blathering. I hope you don't disappear because I'll miss your voice and your journey, but if you do - best of luck in all that you do. Wishing you happiness, contentment, excitement and many, many chicken cuddles!!

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  8. I'm so sorry you are going. I've loved reading your blog but I totally understand your decision. All the very very best.

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  9. I read this, immediately pulled up your And God Remembered Rachel essay, copied and pasted it into a Google Doc, so I can have it forever. It was literally my everything during my miscarriage in February. You are amazing, Natalie, and your writing has been a huge gift to so many people for the past ten years. It's totally understandable that you're so damn over it (I would be, too, man! The Internet is a sucky place!), but I hope you are damn proud of what you've accomplished in this space, because it is nothing short of remarkable. Wishing you ALL of the very, very best in your offline life. Go forth and conquer, you beautiful thing ;) <3

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  10. So sad. Your blog has been one of my favorites for so long! I hope you'll leave the archives up! I would always read through them if I needed advice on clothes, or beauty products, or if I needed a laugh when I was depressed. Even though I don't know you, I feel like I do. You are such an inspiration. So strong-willed, gracious, and witty. I'm sad for myself that you are closing up shop, but happy for you that you're continuing to follow the path that is best for you and your family. So long for now, I wish you the best of luck!

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  11. Sigh. Happy that this is good for you, sad for me. Since you let us bond with you and your family, I hope you continue to share with us through other venues! I'll miss your wit and self awareness. Thank you!

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  12. Natalie--I am so sad. I will miss you dearly. Please leave the blog archives up if possible. I will miss your thoughts on dressing and wardrobes so much and as others have said, your honestly and rawness. You are legit. I'm so glad I got to meet you in Brooklyn last summer. I do hope you continue to post on social media. Love you!

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  13. I found your blog when I had just moved to a new city with a new husband and a lot of homesickness. You gave me so much light at the end of the tunnel - pursuing your passion, blooming where you were planted, making those HARD choices that are ultimately so good for you. Thanks for all you've given us, Natalie. Sharing your life and your story has been a gift to your readers. All the best for this next phase of life.

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  14. You will be missed. I've not been an active commenter but I have followed closely as your story feels like mine. I have loved this corner of the interwebs. I have a beautiful three year old boy, struggled with fertility and and cheered for your bravery in talking about hard things. You're a beautiful soul. Please don't go private, unless you really need to for you.
    Hugs and loves from Verna Utah.

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  15. Hats off to you Natalie! You've had a great thing here for 10 years (I definitely haven't been around that long, but I've loved it while I have.) Enjoy happy life as a private citizen of the world :) I'm sure plenty more of us are right behind you.

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  16. Same feeling as Seinfeld! But I totally get it. Enjoy the freedom. Thank you for sharing all these years!

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  17. Also, perfect final words. You nailed it.

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  18. Oh gosh, I will miss your blog. Good luck in your future endeavors!

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  19. You have always been an inspiration to me and I will sincerely miss you. Thank you for sharing your life. Best wishes to you and your adorable family.

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  20. The end of an era. All good things to you and your guys!

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  21. I wish you all the best! So many people are rooting for you. Bonne Chance!

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  22. Oh dear natalie jean- i cant believe it. ive read your entries for about 3 years now. you are awesome and inspired my dreams of becoming a mama of chickens. keep on keeping on. youve ended this long journey the best way anyone can... with Target

    <3 have a good one!

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  23. You're amazing, Natalie! So happy that this wonderful blog of yours lead us to meet and be real-life friends. I wish our little guys could have met at the park more often! Looking forward to keeping in touch as private citizens. :) xoxo

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  25. I wish you very best Natalie! Sorry for the ordinary farewell note.. but really that's what I feel honestly. Very best! I miss your blog and your quirky self. Maybe see you somewhere again. Tata. XOXO

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  26. AnonymousMay 17, 2016

    Long time reader, first time commenter. For many years you have been an integral member of the online tribe of powerful, strong women who inspire me. Know that you have made a difference in the lives of many, many, many. Grace and peace, Natalie.

    Love, Karen

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  27. Oh, I discovered you right before you gave birth to Huck, and then I had my own boy 2 months afterwards. You were such an integral part of early motherhood for me and I loved every second of reading your blog during that foggy, unsure time of life. I'm so sad but understand at the same time. I hope I can still follow along on social media. Love to you and your family!

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  28. I'm really disappointed, because you are SO much more original than most bloggers. Now the blogosphere is stuck with barefoot blonde and taza. I'm sure they're nice people, but oh my goodness are they boring.

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  29. i KNOW you've got to be reading all of the comments on this one! my husband, toddler son (named henry) and i just moved away from new york city six months ago. i've been missing it badly lately. woke up thirty minutes ago from a nap and saw your goodbye instagram... with that pic. it burst open this dam inside me i didn't even know was there and i'm still crying. toting around my henry up and down and side to side manhattan. the smells, the freedom, the anonymity, the buzz, just us two. your blog resonated so much with me and i'm going to miss it. i know it's not ending just because you're not in nyc anymore... but i know you'll know what i'm talking about re that pic.

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  30. Thank you so much for all of your wonderful wonderfulness. I will miss reading your stuff A LOT but I'm glad that you're doing what's best for you. Much love.

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  31. Those last two lines. It seems dramatic, but that may be one of the best endings I've read anywhere. Yours was always a refreshing voice here on the internets, Natalie. On to bigger and better. I'll keep my eye out for you! :)

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  32. Love you Natalie, though you know that. I am, as always, so proud of you. You have been such an inspiration. I know this is just the beginning of awesome things ahead.

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  33. Goodbye, sweets! Onwards and upwards.

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  34. I'm reminded of a couple paragraphs you wrote years ago about how short lived the Fall season is, and it's stuck with me ever since -- essentially we have to appreciate something wonderful for what it was, for we know we can't keep it forever. I hope you'll return some day with more nuggets of wisdom, but until then, all the best.

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  35. AnonymousMay 17, 2016

    Natalie, you are the freaking bees knees. When I read your Instagram post I straight up shed some tears in my car. I started reading your blog way back in the horrid years of middle school & now, 5 years later you still rock my world. You and your blog were a very big inspiration to me for starting up my own blog, so thank you!! I'm beyond sad to see you go but so happy for you. Reading all these comments, it's clear you've touched so many lives in such a positive way. I feel so proud of you even though I'm half your age & never met you a day in my life. Gahh!! Stay rad, Nat.

    Oy with the poodles already!!

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  36. I was eloquent! Shit! Thank you for that and for incorporating your love of you've got mail and Kathleen kelly into your goodbye. I have so loved reading your blog for the past couple of years. You've always been real. I've enjoyed the way you don't pretend that everything is perfect all of the time. I loved when you would say something that didn't go over well and just react like a normal person to it. I loved your sincerity and how even when you change you can tell you're always true to yourself. I loved feeling like I wasn't the only one who felt like a square peg in a round hole. I really have loved your blog. I hope you and your family are happy! You deserve it.

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  37. Thank you. A million times over, thank you. You are the very best, better than all the rest. ♡♡♡

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  39. I never comment on blog posts anymore (does anyone?), but I can't not say something! Thanks for sharing your stories with us! I've enjoyed following along for the past few years and have appreciated your honesty and humor. You and Huck (he was the real star here, amiright?!) will be missed. Oh, and thanks for inviting me to your apartment that one time Mindy Gledhill did a concert. 😂 I spent a year in NYC as a nanny and my soul still aches for that place. My heart was broken all over again when you left because I enjoyed so much reading about your love affair with the city. Anyway, I could keep going (Target is therapy) but I won't. I wish you all the best. You do you, Nat! 👊🏻

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  40. Devastated to see you go. For years you've been my most treasured blog to read. Your honesty, humour and wit have been consistently refreshing and uplifting. I will sincerely miss popping in to read your posts but I completely understand the need for change and renewal. I wish you the very best with whatever else fills your days moving forward. You deserve great happiness and fulfillment and I hope, sincerely, that your next chapter is filled to the brim with both.

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  41. Never commented on your blog before, but I have read for years. I hope this is the beginning of a good time in life for you. So many "You've Got Mail" quotes seemed appropriate for this, but mostly this:
    Kathleen Kelly: [in an email to Joe Fox] The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.
    Good luck, friend that I have never met.

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  42. Live long and prosper, Natalie. Cheers, Ardith

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  43. Yet another long time reader who has probably never commented - thank you, for everything you've shared. Your candour and humour and wit and realness is unrivalled around this here internet. I've loved every bit. Onwards. x And I agree with the above sentiment! "Friend that I have never met."

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  44. AnonymousMay 17, 2016

    Even as I anticipated this, it's still sad, selfishly! You are a gift! Thank you for all you have given. Especially, thank you for making me feel braver and less alone. I will miss your sweet voice!

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  45. Thanks for sharing your life, wisdom, and kind weird words with us lucky readers. You will certainly be very missed!

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  46. I for one will miss you very much.

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  47. It feels rather silly to be so sad about this announcement as we've never met but yet you've meant so much to me. Thank you for sharing your life with us for the past 10 years. During my infertility years (when it was hard to find comfort in much) I found a lot of comfort in your writing. Selfishly I hope you keep your achieves up for awhile longer.

    Enjoy your boys + chickens and life in Idaho. :-)

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  48. Sure will miss your clever writing! Even though I'm probably your mother's age, I loved reading your blog.

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  49. Long time reader here, and mostly long time lurker. Just wanted to tell you that I think you're a really creative, beautiful, often gut-punching writer. Not sure where you're heading next, but I don't think you should give up on a gift so special. Good luck to you, and also -- THANK YOU!!

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  50. Wishing you and your family all the best! Will miss reading your blog, it was my favourite... :(

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  51. Nooooo! You will be missed!

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  52. Have been reading this blog for so many years and in so many ways was so different to my life in Australia, as a young 20 y.o but now I'm older, as are you, and this blog has been one of my favourites. The one I always come back to, even to flip through the archives. Thanks Natalie! xo Kat

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  53. Not an easy decision I'm sure. Your blog will be missed <3

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  54. I just went into your archives and picked a random date it was motherhood right now about breaking Henry's heart about power rangers not being real. I am so going to miss all your insight on life and your family.I found your blog when you lived in Idaho this first time .Seemed like it was about spring and lilock .With you when you struggled with infertility and was so happy to read that blog about bringing Huck into your world .I will never know a more honest heart warming blog person as you .In fact your the only blog I consistently follow so I will say goodbye .I think I won't follow any blog from now forward. No one comes close to what you did here.

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  55. I just went into your archives and picked a random date it was motherhood right now about breaking Henry's heart about power rangers not being real. I am so going to miss all your insight on life and your family.I found your blog when you lived in Idaho this first time .Seemed like it was about spring and lilock .With you when you struggled with infertility and was so happy to read that blog about bringing Huck into your world .I will never know a more honest heart warming blog person as you .In fact your the only blog I consistently follow so I will say goodbye .I think I won't follow any blog from now forward. No one comes close to what you did here.

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  56. I'm gonna go get that lamp now :)

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  57. Congrats Natalie. You'll be missed, but onward and upward as they say. Cheers to you, wonderful human!

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  58. WOW wasn't expecting that - I've been reading your blog for at least 5 years! Crazy. Best of luck in your next chapter of life :)

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  59. I'm so bummed! But you do you and best of luck to you!

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  61. Long time lurker here. I'm so sad that this is my first, and now last, post!

    I was hoping this was some kind of April Fools joke except that it's May. I have enjoyed reading about your life past decade or so - all the ups and downs, you always pulled through and did you own thing; stayed you. I'll misd coming here to actually read a blogger who writes! Real stories! Anyway I'll keep this brief. Maybe one day you'll find that you want to, need to, return to this space again. One can hope, anyway. We'll still be here if you do.

    Until we *meet* again...

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  62. Noooooooooo!! Say it ain't so!! :(

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  63. another long time reader, but first time commenter here. thanks tita natalie for all the vulnerabilities you shared online. you are so human and i'll be missing you (and huck, my favorite baby on the internet). wishing you the best on the next chapter of your life.

    love from the philippines xx

    ps i remember going to nyc for the first time wishing i would bump into you and huck. although i didn't, i have to say that nyc is every bit as rad as it seems online.

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  64. All the best to you!

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  65. AnonymousMay 17, 2016

    Natalie! This is my first ever blog comment. I am sad to read this, but best to you, Brandon and Huck. Thanks for not thinking I was a nut when we crashed your dinner date in Brooklyn. Your blog has been my favorite and I will miss reading your posts and relating to your thoughts and reflections. We owe you a bowling match if you are back in Brooklyn anytime. xx Jennifer

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  66. I've been trying all afternoon to think of something equally clever and deep and profound and it ain't coming. I'll just say thank you. You are a beautiful writer and you emit a special kind of compassion and light. I have felt warmth, sisterhood, sadness, joy, longing, contentment, and a general kindred spirit over the years reading your blog. You have made us feel like you're our friend. Hell, I teared up like a giant weirdo that first time I met you on a random Park Slope street! Feels like the time has come for you but I will miss having this space to feel connected and like there is someone else sharing in this weird adventure. Sending you and your family every best wish in the world, and I hope we can keep following your adventures in some capacity, and that are paths cross again some random day. -- Jen (crazy runner) in Brooklyn

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  67. thank your, friend. your voice will be missed.

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  68. Au revoir and all the best. It's been a joy to see your life though the (perhaps narrow and warped, but none the less beautiful) blog lens over the years. May your life hence forth be full of peace and happiness and eggs from the henhouse -- without any obligation to take a picture and write it down and put it out there for the world. Cheers to you!

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  69. I've been reading you for years. I will certainly miss your blog, but I understand. All the best to you!

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  70. aw, nat. i get it! i really loved this blog in the hey day of blogs. but i really get it. thank YOUR for the you've got mail references you're going out with. it was a good time.

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  71. You will be missed! You've written some very touching posts, and I loved reading about your NYC years! Good luck with whatever comes next! :)

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  72. What?! I'm so sad. You have been an inspiration. But I must say that "closing the store is the brave thing to do" and you will be missed.

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  73. I've been reading off and on for years and have felt like it was "time" for a while now. Good for you! This truly seems like the best move for you and your family! :)

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  74. I'm not sure how I even started reading your blog but yours was first blog I started following. I loved your writing, your words, your style, your thoughts on New York-my dream life, and your You've Got Mail references-my favorite movie -so wish I would have bought the Kathleen Kelly tote bag (I just always thought "one day". I will miss your blog terribly, it's like losing my favorite television show or when my favorite menu item is taken off the menu at my favorite restaurant. Best of luck to you and I hope you find your new happiness.

    And lastly,
    I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.

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  75. i will miss you so much. you've opened my mind quite a bit (my faith transition started soon after you were more public about yours, pre-kids i was a weirdo about nursing uncovered, i thought it was weird to nurse past 1 before you, etc etc) and i'll always be grateful for that. good luck in your endeavors!

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  76. I've been following you here for years (fellow formerly religious, infertile Myrtle), and just wanted to say I will miss your writing. But I also think it's wonderful that you feel good about your decision to stop, and hope this brings a whole lot of peace to your life. I just followed you on Instagram, to get my fix (I know I know, I'm like two social media trends behind). How else am I gonna know if the copper lamp from Target is as good IRL as it is online? ;) Best of luck to you!

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  77. It is truly the end of an era. Best wishes to you and your family from a reader since 2008. :) <3

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  78. I'm so sad, but happy for you!

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  79. Thank your. Perfection.

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  80. I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to bother paying to keep up a stagnant blog, but I hope you leave it long enough for me to go through and get style inspiration and read all my favourite posts one last time!!! I am so selfless, truly.

    Best wishes, Natalie. I hope you will be happy <3

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  81. Thank you for sharing so much for so long. I'm going to miss your voice, in the writerly sense. cheers.

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  82. Natalie,

    Your voice on this blog has been one of rare quality, with honesty and quirkiness and spunk. Your leaving feels like losing a friend, though it hasn't been much of a two-way street, I know! Thank you for giving so much of yourself. I wish you and your boys the best of luck.

    Kirstie

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  83. Closing your blog is the brave thing to do!

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  84. Many more happy Target get aways to you. Thank you for sharing your life and your humor.

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  85. I feel like starting a revolt! Demanding answers! Calling for a recount!

    I'm genuinely so sad about this announcement. It is no exaggeration that my life was amplified because of you. You are responsible for injecting these little doses of joy and spunk into my days and I am going to miss your words a silly amount.

    THANK YOU for each and every one of them. xx

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  86. Thank you, I'm selfishly sorry to see you go.

    This sounds weird but I feel like we would be very good friends in real life.

    So know you'll always have a good friend in Pittsburgh should you need one.

    Thank you for being you

    Xoxoxo

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  87. I will miss you!!! You made a good dent in this blogging world :)

    Emmy Jake NYC

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  88. I started reading your blog when I was pregnant with my son who was born just a few weeks after yours. I have many fond memories of quiet afternoons holding him and reading blog posts from moms in all walks of life, yours being a favorite! Over the years as I have gotten busier with less quiet afternoons, the blogs I kept up on slowly dwindled down to just yours. I enjoyed "hearing" from you through your posts, as if you were an old friend. I am sad to know that this window to your perspective on life will no longer be open, but I suppose even good things come to an end. Thanks for all your words, and know you will be missed.

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  89. Suppose it's only fitting that the first time I comment is the last time you post. Bye Natalie!! Bye Huck!! Bye Brandon!! You've meant so much to me over the years. You will be terribly missed. Give em hell, kids.

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  90. Noooooo!!!! I love reading about your little family!! I still pray hard you get your second baby. I hope you and all the Holbrooks the best!!! Enjoy Idaho!! All my love!

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  91. i'm happy for you. it's always invigorating to find a new focus in life - i do hope to read whatever comes next, because you have a talent :) let's still have that beer sometime, too!

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  92. Drat! Your writing was so easy to get lost in when I was supposed to be working. Cheers to you and your fam!

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  93. will a standing O bring you back? No? Damn. Our loss. Thanks for sharing your life with us. It truly had an impact. You're flipping great at this ish. Man. This is gonna take a while.

    xoxo.

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  94. Hey girl, I'll always admire your bravery on ending such a bible. Your blog has brought me many laughs and dumb smiles from the night I discovered it like I found my sister's diary. Keep up the great hair, fashion, and home style. Live long and prosper! First bump back atchu.

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  95. Dammit Natalie that was such a perfect ending! Like all your posts, it felt like YOU, and I appreciate that more than you'll know. You have always been authentic and genuine, which I now treasure because you don't find that many other places on the interwebs. I'll miss you (and Huck and B), and I can't help but be excited for all the future adventures you'll go on.

    Give Hillary Clinton my best! (And the others, but she was my favorite.)


    Love ya, Natalie!

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  96. Dang nat jean, really bummed

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  97. Dang nat jean, really bummed

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  98. Dear Fat Rat, sweet Nat, I had no idea anyone loved Anne Shirley as much as I did. Then I found your blog a few months after we had our October babies weeks a part from each other. And you know how much you grow up after your first child. I loved watching you grow and living a parallel life across the country from you. Thank you for your vulnerability, humor and style. I've rooted for you and prayed for you and said prayers for your infertility and you'll always have a friend across the internets in quirky Everett, Wa. Best and warmest everything in your next adventure-Sareh

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  99. I've seen a lot of blogs come and go but you are the first to break my heart. I'm going to miss this little bright spot in my days. Thanks for sharing all these years - you are definitely a rad person. Anyone who doesn't think so is a silly mess.
    becklist.wordpress.com

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  100. :( miss you already. In as Un-creepily a way as possible coming from a stranger.

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  101. Thank you. Hope life will be really kind to you.
    You will be missed around here!

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  102. As someone said above, it's the end of an era! But what a good one it's been. It's making me pretty emotional reading the comments on this post, & realising just how many (brilliantly eloquent) people feel as fondly towards you as I do. Saying thank you seems insufficient, but a million thank yous anyway xx

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  103. Love you Natalie and your words will be missed, but so glad to still be friends on Facebook, and will look forward to your IG posts when you post!! You are amazing, and I have enjoyed reading your blog for the past five years! You sure did teach me a lot, and I'm 12 years older! LOL! Take care of that cute son of yours, and hope all goes well in Idaho. I hope Brandon's job is doing well, and that life is just great for you! Good luck to y'all in your future endeavors, and hope when I'm back in your neck of the woods that we will meet! Thank you for giving me a shout out on your blog when you published your awesome book, and for including me, and my sweet family in one of your xmastree posts!! You are just an amazing individual with a lot of potential and don't you ever forget that! Love you girl!

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  104. Wishing you the very best. You'll be missed.

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  105. I started reading your blog when I was pregnant living in NYC in a Studio apartment trying to figure out how we would manage. I fell down the rabbit hole of Mommy blogs but 3 years later, I kept up with you because you were always so funny and honest. It's weird how reading a blog can make you feel so close to a person. I felt like I needed to check in on you. I hope you have an amazing next chapter. Much love.

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  106. You, I am sure, are every bit as rad in real life as online. Thank you for sharing your life and your stories. I have found so much hope and joy and entertainment in this blog. I can only hope that you continue to live such a lovely and rich life and find new ways to share your stories with the world! All the best xx

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  107. I just read your instagram post and I suddenly had this ball of tears in my throat that I didn't realize I carried around for you and your blog. I don't have all the same struggles as you do/did. However, I felt this kinship with you from the very beginning. And your understanding/sorting through of struggles was so so universal. Your voice is so unique.

    And as other's have said, THANK YOU!! You have brought so much understanding and light to our lives these last few years.

    You will be sorely missed, but I'm proud of you and your decision. Go on with yo' bad ass self!!

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  108. Sad to see you go. Keep well.

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  109. A massive fist bump to you, fellow square-peg-round-hole friend!

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  110. Reallllllllly going to miss your writing, your personality, your POV! Best of luck to you!

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  111. You will be missed! Best wishes and hugs being sent your way!

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  112. I read this and just thought of that part in Center Stage when Emily is leaving New York and her mom says, "Dancing used to make her happy and it doesn't anymore, and so we're leaving. We've had enough." I'll miss reading here, but I'm happy for you. Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself on here! Your writing helped me through some hard times. Keep on being awesome :)

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  113. Thank you for sharing your life. For acknowledging both the good and bad and rocking it out no matter what. You have helped me so much just in your honesty. I'm sad to see you go but happy knowing that you're doing what is best for you. Take care <3

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  114. You will most certainly be missed. I've loved reading your blog and hearing what you had to say. Your place on the Internet was a breath of fresh air. I've learned so many great places in NYC and Portland Oregon because of you. Seriously, Risky Korsakoffee was the coolest place I've ever been to.

    I wish you the best in whatever your next adventure is, big or small. :)

    P.S. Will always love your chicken snaps.



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  115. Your posts have been the highlight of my feed for the past 6 years. I'm so very sad you're done! Where will I get good fashion advice from someone I like whose spunky five year old is so like my spunky five year old? I like to imagine when i read a post that we live close and watch these crazy boys on playdates and then let them roam in the wilds. And we talk about how lame some people at church are and why we should it shouldn't go anymore and talk about what kind of underwear is the most comfortable. But, you know, reality sets in and I see that you're in freaking Moscow and I'm in Utah and the cosmos has gated that we not actually know each other IRL. What a bummer, fellow Arizonan BYU grad. May you continue to follow your beautiful heart.

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  116. Your posts have been the highlight of my feed for the past 6 years. I'm so very sad you're done! Where will I get good fashion advice from someone I like whose spunky five year old is so like my spunky five year old? I like to imagine when i read a post that we live close and watch these crazy boys on playdates and then let them roam in the wilds. And we talk about how lame some people at church are and why we should it shouldn't go anymore and talk about what kind of underwear is the most comfortable. But, you know, reality sets in and I see that you're in freaking Moscow and I'm in Utah and the cosmos has gated that we not actually know each other IRL. What a bummer, fellow Arizonan BYU grad. May you continue to follow your beautiful heart.

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  117. Nat the Fat Rat- You have been an amazing asset to the blogging community. I've followed you for awhile now. You're essays/blogs have been amazing. I've most recently enjoyed how you've refused to become a blogging princess and have stayed true to yourself. In the past I think I enjoyed baby Huck as much as you did... You'll certainately be missed. Peace out girl scout

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  118. Well done Natalie. Best of luck with the next phase of your life. You will be missed by so many who have laughed and cried, and had clothes envy over the years. I hope you're making the decision for you. Enjoy the time!

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  119. You'll be missed! I've always loved your posts. -Hanna Lei


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  120. Wishing you all the best for the next chapter of your life. Thanks for sharing your life on here, its been wonderful to read!

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  121. Thank you for being real and thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts with the world. We were listening and there were many of us that needed to hear it - to know that we weren't alone in this craziness called life and to connect with someone across the world that we'd never meet.

    Thank. You. May the rest of your life be just as thrilling to you, as it has been to all of us watching from the sidelines.

    Lots of love to you and your gorgeous family!
    Sarah

    PS - I HOPE that I get to see a picture of grown-up, handsome Huck one day!

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  122. After years of lurking and laughing,(sometimes through tears) I feel compelled to thank you dearly. You will be missed. Best wishes and highest hopes for good things in the future!

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  123. I will miss you very much. Wishing the very best for you and your family going forward.

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  124. I'm so sad for me but happy for you. Thank you for sharing your life with us/me. Best of luck!

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  125. I feel proud of you! Which might be so silly because we don't know each other. No one can know how you're really feeling or doing but I hope the best for you and your family. I've felt a connection to you through our shared infertility. My attempts to have a baby haven't ever worked out but reading the little you did share, helped. So thanks. You have done a lot of good and will no doubt do even more good in other ways. Thank you. You will be missed on this dumb Internet 😉

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  126. What?!?! I'm so sad now! I've just started (okay about year now) following you religiously. So now that I've felt I've gotten to know you and check your blog like every day for an update, you're leaving! And not even letting us know what is next for you!!

    Anyway, this isn't about me, it's about you. Good luck to you in all of your upcoming adventures. You will be missed on the interwebs... And your chickens.

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  127. Well, a girl had to suspect this day was coming but I still checked back on the daily hoping and I sure am sad this day is here. Cheers to you for being brave and daring to imagine that you could have a different life and marching into the unknown...you are absolutely lovely and delightful and there will be a definite hole left on the interwebs that this here blog did a fine job of filling in all of it's different seasons. xoxo

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  128. It's the end of an era, best wishes to you. Thanks for sharing your life and thoughts. May there be lots of black and white cookies in your future.

    Take care!

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  129. My heart. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. The best of luck to you and your beautiful family.

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  130. Oh man, this makes me really sad. I will miss your voice. Good luck with future endeavors!

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  131. I had a feeling but I didn't want it to be true! I kept checking each day to see if you where coming back. I get it and I give you mad respect for making a decision even if I selfishly wish this wasn't it!

    The little glimpses into your life have been an inspiration in my own and even though I know your life has all the same yuck and hard times, as we all do, you gave so many of us hope by showing us the beautiful and the mundane and that it is all ok. I can't count how many times I discussed with my girlfriends how much we loved your writing and it made us laugh - and of course all your forever 21 suggestions (cause lets face it none of us are even remotely rich!)

    You really are a beautiful talent, your writing caught my imagination every time and I found it a delight to read your words. I hope to see you around again writing - even if its 10 years from now you can count on me to still be in love with whatever it is you want to share with the world!

    Sending you all the best wishes for your gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous little man and your handsome ginger man and a life full of more ups than downs.

    Mahalo from Hawai'i

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  132. Thank you, Natalie. I really enjoyed your blog over the years. I hope you (and your family!) will be happy, healthy, and enjoy your new blog-less life. :)

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  133. Best wishes in whatever is next. Thanks for the laughs and deep thinks over the years.

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  134. Thank you for sharing bits of your life with us - Best of luck with whatever you do next!

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  135. RATS. I love reading your stuff! Thank you so much for keeping it real an giving m something to enjoy and smile over for many a year. Yes, I've read every post. Well, as Anne Shirley would say, " A bend in the road." much love from Ontario! Xxxx

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  136. Hi Natalie! First time commenting. I loved reading your blog, and then I was so sad when you left the church, and then months later, I read the CES letter and left the church. Thank you for helping me with that transition, because really, you did. Life is so crazy -- good things come from bad, and bad things come from good -- I still believe it must be worth all the pain. Best wishes to you and your family! From, Kristin

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  137. Dang, your blog is my favorite. I will miss your writing, your take on things, your pics of your adorable kid and your adorable self. Thank you (sincerely) for the incredible parting gift of the review of that Target lamp (I too have wondered if there was any way it could be as amazing IRL as on Pinterest).

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  138. Love to you sweet friend! Up and away!

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  139. I'll missing seeing your adventures and ogling your photos of your style and home and adorable family! And I'll miss your writing. Really miss it. Best wishes on this new chapter of your life!

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  140. This brings me the same melancholy feelings I get when I finish a truly beautiful book. I always wish I hadn't read so fast to get to the end :). Thank you so much for sharing your life with us all. You have always been my favorite, and I've been inspired too many times to count. Please leave the archives up! I have gone back and re-read them a couple times, and it always touches me in some way. Good luck with everything! Keep creating a beautiful life. <3

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  141. Your voice, your approach to blogging, your honesty and humor ... unparalleled. You will be sorely missed, Mme. Holbrook. Thank you for sharing with us all these years - best of the best of the best to you!!!

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  142. I'll miss your posts! But it is totally understandable having your life open for the public must be extremely difficult and time to move on from that. I wish you the best! Thank you for blog the past few years in which i've been a reader! Also a send off quote: "So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void." I know you'll know this one. ;) Not sure why, but it seemed fitting.

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  143. AnonymousMay 18, 2016

    Oh wow :( Will miss your posts! Thank you for everything :) Take care!

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  144. Girl. I owe you comment old-school style. Thanks for sharing your life with us, it was generous beyond measure. See you soon.

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  145. Thank you for writing here for so many years, Natalie. I wish you so much happiness! It's fun to think about you writing something entirely new and adventurous, completely on your own terms, as a private citizen. Best of luck to you in everything!

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  146. Thank you for every single word written here, I will miss your posts and you of course. Wish you the best!

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  147. i stumbled upon your blog soon after i had my first kid, while struggling with some ppd. you helped me feel like myself again, for which i'm eternally grateful! it seems fitting that you end your blog the same week i ordered my first pair of nina z's. good luck in life and thank you for helping to bring me back to mine!

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  148. "Wouldn't it be nice if everything was like that? (as rad in real life as it seems online)". AHHHH SMART NAT!!! No better way to end this. Have fun, love to you!

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  149. Please keep the archives up forever and ever amen! And please write another book! I will miss your writing and you so much. Thank you for ten years of putting yourself out there. Such a gift. Hugs and love.

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  151. I will miss your words, thoughts, humor, and more. Thank you for sharing your lives with us all these years. Peace and prosperity to you and your family. And hugs and chuckles to Huck, the rad destination little kid I wished my little ones would know as a friend!

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  152. sad for me, but wishing you the very best!

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  153. Natalie, thankyou so much for writing this blog. I started reading a few years back, when Huck was probably about 2. So most of what I have read was from that time onwards, but this final post of yours has had me head back into the archives to relive the magic of your writing and see what I was missing from the earlier years! And it's so good. It's just so good. I love the way you write. I just reached the post from 2009 when you first read Anne of Green Gables! I didn't realise you hadn't read the book till you were in your 20s! But I love that you did and discovered dear Anne, a true kindred spirit. And to answer your question in that post, yes I believe all young girls must read Anne and feel a connection to her (or at least, I definitely did, so out of a sample size of 2, you and I, that's 100% feeling a deep connection with Annest of Annes). I also didn't know the backstory of the time before you had Huck, when you were waiting for a baby, and so desperately wanting one. And I really love that you shared that - your openness is so helpful to so many, I'm sure. And most of all, I love love love that Huck came along, and you got your plump little baby to snuggle and cuddle. And I really hope that another one comes along for you too. Thanks for the writing. Truly best wishes for the years to come. From Mary, an Australian reader, and fellow Anne fan.

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  154. Thanks for the posts! Also, for what it's worth, you were always miles ahead of N__m_.

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  155. We will miss you. <3 enjoy life.

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  156. You're a good one, Natalie. I said a little prayer for you as I read your last post. Thanks for sharing with us over the years.

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  157. Natalie,
    I found your blog years ago and I've continued coming back to check it. You had one of the realest voices out there (many of your posts resonated with me and obviously others), and I love your humor. I hope that you find peace and happiness outside the blog world! I wish you all the best.

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  158. NOOOOOO ( have you seen the video of the husky who doesn't want to leave the park- that's how I feel right now)
    I'm wondering if it's the three legged brass lamp that I want from target.... And also, the little boy I nanny loves target and calls it "the target" like, the fresh market.
    I'm so sad right now Natalie ... But if you want to help me get my blog going , I haven't written a lick since I've had my baby, It would make my life.
    If not... I will miss you dearly
    Ps... Now I only have tazas boring ass blog to read....

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  159. Okay now my sadness has turned into anger.... Wth girl... You can't do this to me lol

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  160. I'm living in a world with a half built chicken coop in my yard, I'm being forced to move, I have no close girlfriends now that I've had my son , I'm out of shape have no time to shower , my hair is ugly. There is so many things from west elm and cb2 I can't afford. And now my soul sister is closing her blog ... The struggle is so real right now

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  161. Loved reading your blog for many years. Thank you for sharing your story. Much love and luck!

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  162. Goodbye, sweet Natalie Jean. Thanks for all the good writes.

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  163. Feeling all the emotions I feel every time I watch Kathleen Kelly close up shop. Part of me wants to cheer you on and say, "You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life." But then the other part of me is so damn sad, Nat. You're my fav in this crazy blogging world.

    But thankfully, you aren't dying, and there is more to life than the internet. ;) Keep writing, if only for yourself. You're so good at that, you know! So, so good.

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  164. Words have power, as you no doubt know. They have the ability to stir our emotions with what is written, or that which is not. Reading this post today conjured in me a bevy of emotions - happiness for you that the moment to let go arrived without terrific fanfare, and melancholy for me in knowing new emotions will no longer appear when I visit this little corner of the internet. Life has a way of shaking up our days, and it's good when we can watch them gently drift down like a quiet snowfall, rather than a swirling blizzard. Natalie, you braved the blizzards and savored the quiet; I admire you for that. As L. M. Montgomery wrote: “There’s all the difference in the world, you know, between being inside looking out and outside looking in.” If only we all remembered that little nugget. You have much to be proud of, so hold your head high. Again… L.M. Montgomery: “Isn't it better to have your heart broken than to have it wither up? Before it could be broken it must have felt something splendid. That would be worth the pain.” Enjoy your days to come - even if they hold some pain. You will be missed.

    And finally, because this quote from your beloved Anne could not be passed up: “It will come sometime. Some beautiful morning she will just wake up and find it is Tomorrow. Not Today but Tomorrow. And then things will happen ... wonderful things.” Best wishes and very kind regards.

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  165. I wish you all the best! I have loved reading your stories over the years. Your honest thoughts on motherhood really helped me whenever I was frustrated with my daughter or sad time was flying by too quickly. Your words helped me appreciate my own family and life more, and for that I thank you. I hope you keep the archives open forever because I've recommended your blog to every new mom friend I have. Your words have magic!

    Plus people need to know it's totally ok and completely normal to be smitten with a movie in the way some people are smitten with each other.

    The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about something than nothing. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.

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  166. I really loved reading your blog over the years, and I wish you all the best. The past few years I have always re read your mother's day posts because (and maybe this is weird) I desperately want children and I am 31 and sadly still single. Like you, I was born to be a mother. I KNOW that my struggle has nothing to do with being infertile, but your words have meant to the world to me and your recognition of women out there who for whatever reason want to be mothers but can't or aren't or don't fit into the box of mother's day mothers, tuly mean the world to me. I know that I don't need a man to have kids, and I'll do it myself if I have to, but there is a definite hole in my life where I know children should be. Thank you for your thoughts, and your posts and for sharing you lovely little life with the internets. I will miss you <3

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  167. This really makes me sad :( I loved every post you ever wrote! Also, there is another aspect of the importance of your blogging which you may have not been aware of - as I am not from the US, your blog was really a place where I could learn contemporary American English and learn about trends that still are not known widely here...omg, not only did I get my period this morning and have been crying like crazy since yesterday (PMS ugh) and now this (ugly cry is about to begin)! Anyway, I wish you all the happiness in the world and I hope you'll be back! Love you!

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  168. I have loved reading your blog and will really miss your posts and essays. This blog is so enmeshed with my memories of my years in NYC and early years of marriage and then motherhood and there is something so bittersweet about its ending. But, time marches on I suppose. I think you are wonderful and wish you nothing but happiness!!

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  169. I found your blog not that long ago and I instantly became a addicted. Knowing that whenever a new post was published I was in for treat. To say I am gutted and saddened to hear that you are closing up shop is an understatement. I will miss your quirky posts and hilarious musings on your gorgeous chicken, but I would like to wish you the very best for the future. To your next adventure, congratulations xxx

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  170. Cheers, good luck, and all the best wishes for you and your family! I have thoroughly enjoyed this space and wish for you only happiness.

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  171. Best wishes on entering this new chapter in your life. I wish wonderful things for you and your family. Your posts resonated with me: you often eloquently expressed things I didn't even know I had been feeling! You will be missed.

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  172. Oh no! Is this really farewell?!?

    You're one of my absolute favourites Nat, and all I've ever done is read your words, take your advice, laughed and cried at your stories and, all the time, loving it all. When you're feeling beat, think back to all the love you grew on this here blog - and the lives that you touched. Thanks for sharing it with us all. xx

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  173. Aw, I've loved reading your blog, but best wishes to you on all of your future adventures.!

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  174. I found you randomly through google as we share the same first and middle name. I'm so glad I did and have loved reading your posts an unexpected amount. Best of luck with your next big project, and thanks for bringing joy here for so long!

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  175. Oh my! I found you through an article about Mormon housewife blogs back in 2011. You have always been such a breathe of fresh air and I wish you the absolute best. After strolling through the comments, it seems like you really touched an unbelievable amount of lives.

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  176. Wait, but NO! All my favorites quit. :(

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    1. Mine too!! It's like it's contagious!!

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  177. I had a gut feeling this was coming - the writing was on the wall for a while - but it's no less bittersweet. Your life is your own and we all deserve to pursue fulfillment, whatever that may look like. Yet in some ways your departure feels akin to a beloved tv show that was cancelled before closure was reached. (What happened to Lorelai and Rory after Gilmore Girls ended?!) Over the years I've become emotionally invested in your future, however weird that may seem. What happens now? What's next for you? It's not mine to know, and yet. I'm proud of you for knowing when enough is enough. I aspire to find that truth everyday. May your cup runneth over. You'll be missed.

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  178. Natalie, reading this my heart feels so full for you. It is brave and wonderful to stop so that you can find your next step. To put something to rest that has taken up so much of your heart, even when you feel so SO ready can be scary. Cheers to you for listening to and honoring that. So much love to you and your next steps whatever they may be!

    And just wanted to say that I so appreciate you for your words and how much you have shared with all of us these last ten years. You have been a major source of inspiration for me! Reading about your various wins and struggles, and watching your transformation has helped me through my own tough spots and find my own true north.

    Fist bumps to infinity and beyond!

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  179. I showed up for the mascara comparison study, and stayed for the awesome woman and family that I connected with. No matter what you choose next, I'm rooting for you!! Huzzah and hooray!! You will be so missed!!!

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  180. I've loved reading your touching essays on motherhood and all your other funny posts over the years. You had really spent less time on the blog, but following along on your adventures on Instagram became my new fav, then you were there less too and I joined snapchat to follow along, and even though I still don't understand snapchat, you and your chickens were my favorite thing there too! I will miss seeing you around the internets Natalie. Because of you I decided I really did want to be a mother, and when I found out I was having a boy I was even more excited because I had been so inspired by you and Huck and your love for your family. I hope you are doing ok, and this decision lightens your burdens, it really seems you've struggled since your move back to Idaho, and I'm so sorry. You are beautiful and hilarious and inspiring, and if you continued to snap your chickens I'd be soooo happy! ( I''ll miss those damn chickens as much as I'll miss you) Hugs.

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  181. I wish you all the best! When a blog ends I always feel like I'm in the middle of a story I don't get to finish. But thanks for letting me read along for part of your story. I hope it ends even better than the best way you could imagine it.

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  182. I am REALLY going to miss reading your blog. Every post you wrote made me feel like home. I am going to miss your truth and strength and beauty. And, yes, your shopping/fashion posts. I am going to miss it all. Cause when you wrote about a dress or shoes, it was not really about being "in fashion", but rather about discovering who you are (and who you are NOT). That helped me a lot. That courage to be real. Oh I am so going to miss you. I wish you all the best. Love, love and love. Kiss from Greece :)

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  183. Hey Natalie, I just discovered your blog last fall, which is so sad because you've been blogging for so long and I've been reading blogs for so long. But you immediately became a favorite and I'm really going to miss you. Since your exit I've been reading back years in the essay category and I just want you to know how much I love your writing. It's been cool to read back to when you were a mother of a younger child (I have a two year old), I loved your post on weaning. You have a wonderful way of expressing what so many of us feel. Anyway, I really hope you keep writing and that I have a chance to read you again in the future.
    Caitlin

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  184. I am sadder than I could ever imagine. I think I've read every blog post. I love you (in a non-weird, very sisterly way of course) and I feel like I'm losing something vital in my life. Your blog has always been exciting, interesting, super fun and funny, introspective and my first go-to blog read every day. I've kept checking in every day and I am SO sad. Thank-you, thank-you for sharing your life with all of us. I'm going to miss you like someone I know in real life. I wish you the very, very best in life--for you and your sweet family. Love you lots, Dawn. 😀

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  185. Will a standing ovation bring you back? Well, you have one right here anyway. You will be missed. And that adorable little man of yours. and the beebs! Take care guys. Over and out.

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  186. Honestly?! Good for you. And good FOR you, right? Even though you're the only one I enjoy reading (I read like, two nowadays, and really can't stand 99% of blogs thus, I avoid) but I love your thoughts, and writing style, and silly, but heartfelt stories.. But it's gotta be SO hard to feel the pressures of an audience. The thought gives me anxiety. Too many people become walking advertisements, and it's gotta be sooooooooooo exhausting. I never saw you that way, but I know you expressed struggling with that aspect of it. Anyway. Cheers to you. Bless you, Nat the Fat Rat. Forever, and ever. Amen. Love from Tacoma, Jaq Shumate

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  187. Hello, all the way of from Australia. I'm so sad that you are closing up shop because I have always looked forward to your updates and you make this expat less lonely. Best of wishes and blessings to you, huck and family. Thank you for being real and all kinds of wonderful.

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  188. Oh man, I'll miss you so much! Yours is my favorite blog, for the past 6 years or so. You're so relatable and you always make me laugh or cry. I just read your book and found it to be every bit as fun and engaging as you. The way you describe infertility is perfect, and I really felt like we were old friends (in a non-creepy way!). I wish you a uterus full of another chubby baby ASAP! Thanks for all the fun and for sharing your life and family with us.

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  189. I've enjoyed you. You will find your child in Idaho. He/she will find you there....remember words are medicine. Every time you speak of anything at all to do with that child be very careful of your wording, as all words go out and connect with like. Draw the energy to you - you must vibrate at the same level to connect and take hold of one another. Best wishes to you and yours.

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  190. The future is lovely and bright for you! Thanks for being so cool and fresh for all these years. You've taught me so much, Natalie! Nothing but the best to you + yours ♡♡♡

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  191. The future is lovely and bright for you! Thanks for being so cool and fresh for all these years. You've taught me so much, Natalie! Nothing but the best to you + yours ♡♡♡

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  193. Farewell Nat the Fat Rat! have followed you since your McDonald's ice cream cone loving days and I wish you and your family all the best in your next chapter. Thanks for sharing your journey. Annie from Calgary, Canada

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  194. I just have to add that I think I'll miss the Christams tree sharing of photos the most!! 🎄

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