One Of These Days I'll Get 'Em

In July of 2005 when Holbsy and I had been married two years and we were just about to move to New York City, I nearly killed his whole family.

It was a Smith family reunion and there were four-wheelers. Really I don't think anything else needs to be said.

Since then I have sworn that if I was ever in a position to be responsible for their health and well-being again that I would totally do them all in.

I'm in charge of the nieces and nephews all week long. So today I took them to the zoo. Can you think of a better way to get rid of a handful of kids?

Tomorrow: Six Flags. That oughta do it.

On Hidden Valley

Brandon's dad Papa Joe is renovating a house in Sandy, Utah. We had the pleasure of staying at this home-in-the-works last week during our family reunion. The house is basically empty except for the new deluxe bathroom Joe designed and a few custom-made pieces for some of the rooms, so the house has the feeling of a giant playhouse where one can turn cartwheels and choreograph complicated ballet routines in the family room. And then you should see the things he's got going on for this renovation.

For example, this:

What is this? I don't know. We held it against the wall and propped it up on furniture before Blake discovered it's true purpose: Scaring the dog.

Then there was the giant wall of mirrored display cases. What are these for? Saturday night we figured it out.


And then my little brother pretended to hang from the low-hanging chandelier in the empty breakfast nook, and knowing that Joe would have a heart attack if he saw it, I took some pictures and here they are:

Sometimes I am so glad I have a brother.

Today I must be crazy because after two very unsuccessful attempts to be a good aunt, (a trip to McDonald's resulting in food poisoning for #2, and a trip to the community pool resulting in a slight sunburn for #4) I am taking them to the zoo. If I come back with all of them intact it will be a miracle. 


And At The Very End I Had A Bagel

The End


The Blahs

I am just feeling... blah.

I wandered around the mall today. That guy who always asks me if he can straight-iron my hair, what is that? That always makes me feel really bad, like I am a failure at hair. And then I returned a pair of pants at Old Navy.


It's hard living in somebody else's house, eating somebody else's food. It's hard to keep a toy room that you sleep in clean. It's hard to remember that you're a wife and have wifely duties when you're in another housewife's house. It's hard to remember to make your boy feel special when you're trying to come up with new and inventive ways of keeping yourself entertained all day. It's very easy to get selfish, and when you're being selfish, things usually start to feel a little blah.

I'm on a mission to beat the blahs.
Let's do this thing.



Dear Frozen Yogurt,

I love you! Thank you for coming back into our good graces and thank you for letting me be in California where you are here and I have had a decent frozen yogurt with interesting toppings available not once but thrice, and thank you for letting me eat some today with Rachel, who is definitely my favorite person of July.

I was at the local Target yesterday, milling about and saying hello to all the tops I've tried on already and left behind, to restock some onesies for some orders, and I've found that lately I am taking my time getting over to the baby section. I'll meander through the sports department and try on bike helmets or ponder the benefits of one eight-pound dumbbell over another, anything to delay the inevitable. The baby aisle, lately it hurts my feelings.

So, I rode my bike to Borders the other day just to see if I could. It was exhausting, and I think I've narrowed it down to the sixth Harry Potter because he is real heavy, and not that I am in non-biking shape. (I am in excellent sleeping-in shape, finally, after months of training.)

My niece is having a sleepover and they are watching Twilight. Every now and then they pause the movie and I hear some sort of muffled screaming and stomping for about a minute before the movie starts up again. I can't understand what they're doing exactly but it's totally making my night.

I have now covered both Harry Potter and Twilight in one post and so now I can end this sucker. Have a good weekend, tell me what you are up to so we can compare on Monday.


Re Align

Every now and then I think it is best to take the soul in for a scheduled realignment.

Today I experienced a realignment of the soul while eating meatballs at Ikea, the happy result of much ponderings regarding flat sandals and the confusing resurrection of flannel shirts.

Periodically I like to take myself in for some soul adjustments, to knock a few things back into place. It is something The Holbs doesn't totally understand, he being of the "take life as it comes" variety. "Only think about it when you must," sort of thing.

Not me.

Today at Ikea I took myself in for some adjustments. Right as rain, and we carry on.



Hey all you pregnant people! GUESS WHAT.

I can eat all the sushi I want!

I can also dye my hair, eat deli meat and soft cheeses, so there!

There's more! I can eat soft serve ice cream, I can see my toes!


You can take your babies, your kids, and your cute pregnant tummies, and you can SUCK IT.




On Friday morning at 3 a.m. my husband, his bad-example older brother, and his bad-example older brother's friends will be driving to Yosemite to engage in some 12-hour hike which killed two hikers earlier this year. Drive from 3 till 5, hike from 5 till 5, drive from 5 till 8.

So, on Friday I will most likely be a widow.

Tonight all of Holbsy's older brother's bad-example friends are sleeping at the house, and since I am the only "female" here I have been nominated to make them a pasta dinner.

Yes, there is carb-loading involved, and yes, isn't it terribly sexist at this house?

Good luck, husband! Do try not to fall off the mountain, please. 


For our six year anniversary (which is in another month) we decided to retrace our honeymoon steps.

First stop: Huntington Beach

Next Stop: Disneyland

Yes, I am the type to know where the hidden cameras are and strike a pose,
what did you expect?

This one brought back memories of long road trips with my family.

We like going in all the shops and trying on all their stuff.

The one thing I really wanted to do was eat my way through Disneyland,
just literally eat everything in my path. This summer has been nothing if not the summer of eating my feelings.

So I did.

This is the look The Holbsy had on his face the entire second half of the last day.
The sun had zapped his will to live.
What little was left was being eaten alive by my ravenous appetite for Disney Snacks.
He made a full recovery, but now he thinks he has pink eye.
He blames Disneyland.

That is the end of this stupid post.