9.17.2014

MOTHERHOOD RIGHT NOW / HUCK'S GREATEST HITS PART TWO

I didn't think I'd have enough to do another of these so soon. This isn't even all of them. What can I say? I birthed a character. Huck for President!

Randomly, at the playground:
Huck: Are there any more kids who are stuck on band aids, Mom? Are they on the piano chair??
Me: Wait--piano chair?
Huck: Yeah.... Maybe....

Just waking up the other morning, shooting straight up in his blankets, his eyes shut tight, his hair a fantastic mess of bed head:
"Is it Christmas!?!? It was a second ago! There was snow!! But then it dis-der-ppeared.... How did it do that? Wait, let me check the day in case it's snowing." 
(Pads over to the window, clearly sleep drunk, like, this was not at all a straight line he was walking) 
"Oh. No snow. (Exaggerated frowny face). But it IS day out. (Brightens up.) Am I going to school now?" 

While coloring, after I told him I was going to take a bath, in a very sing-song-y voice:
"Okaa-yyyyy. Come back if you neeeeed meee."

After yet another epic you-need-to-go-potty-you're-dancing-around-so-just-go! negotiation:
"Noooo! I don't want to go peep!" 
(Suddenly remorseful) 
"Mom.... sometimes we get angry at each other. Sometimes everybody gets angry. But they don't go pee pee."

This one was reported to me the other night after date night:
Babysitter: Huck, are you ready to wind down for bedtime?
Huck: (stalling) "Uhhhh.. hey! I have eyebrows! Like you!"

While walking home from school one afternoon and suddenly noticing a sweet scent in the air. He said this in a rather alarmed tone, you have to picture him like a twitchy squirrel in order to fully appreciate this one:
"Mom! What does it smell like!?!?!?!? .... I think it smells like.... BROWNIES!!!! Mom I love those brownies, Mom! I looooove them!!!!!!!"

On the couch on afternoon in nothing but his undies, his eyebrows furrowed at me:
"Didja eat my apple, Mom? Didja? ....  You did, didn't you."

(I totally did.)

Before bed one night, after talking through a difficult moment we'd had earlier that day:
"I'm the boss of my poops, and I'm in charge of my farts" 
(He meant to say thoughts. But, you know. I laughed for hours.)

Panicked about bath time, suddenly in negotiation mode:
"Wait! Nooo. No, that's not right, basketballs go in the bath! I'm not a ball! I'm not bouncy!"

After discovering a hole in his favorite pants:
Mom: Oh honey, I think these pants are dead. Look at that hole.
Huck: *giggles* Mom, they're not dead.
Mom: Yeahhh, they're pretty dead, we're not going to wear these anymore. But maybe as pajamas?
Huck: But Mom. They're not dead. I didn't drop them off the rooftop or something. 

After I'd absentmindedly said no to something Huck was asking for that I somehow knew he really shouldn't have, even though I wasn't really listening all the way when he asked (I was sending an email), but I'd just hit send and was turning all my attention over to Huck, who was currently pleading his case, and this is where I picked up:
"... Mama, come on, doooo this. You're the BEST. You can DO it! You're the greatest mom EVER, but you're not letting me get candy! So come on, Mama. Do it. Come on you're the GREATEST."

To a boy scout who was handing out fliers for a senior citizens fundraiser deal, from his dad's shoulders, Huck's royal throne:
"Hey! Hello! I'm a kid! Just like you!"

One afternoon at home after spilling his popcorn:
"Mom? Will you do me a favor? Will you cleam up? Will you pick up the popcorn and put it in the trash can, please? Do it now."

At Starbucks, after he realized he'd lost his nickel:
"Oh no! My nipple!!!!!!"

While getting situated to finally go to the bathroom after a very long, very stubborn discussion about why we go potty right when we have to instead of waiting forever and nearly not making it in time:
"Don't even LOOK at me!"



Last one:

One night a little bit ago we were having ourselves a particularly hard time being friendly with each other. Huck was resisting bedtime with a vengeance, and I, well I was feeling done with it, ready for the day to be over, and rather firm and disciplinarian-y in the moment, so I declared it a very serious, very angry Time Out, sat him down in his room, shut the door quite firmly, and then leaned up against the door so I could be sure he wasn't going to open it prematurely and ruin my Mean Mom Moment. It was pretty spectacular, really, we were both playing our roles to the hilt. Huck seemed thrilled at the chance to be so blatantly naughty, throwing himself against the door with all his weight, and pounding and kicking and shouting through the wall at me, grunting and huffing and saying things like "I. AM. MAD, MOM," with every pound and kick for added measure. Strange to say, but I could sort of tell in the moment that neither one of us were really taking it that seriously, more like we'd both reached a level and needed to get it out of our systems. And then, suddenly, the pounding ceased. It got really quiet. Eerily quiet. In the silence I crouched down low, put my ear to the door, and held my breath. What is he up to in there? I wondered. This cannot bode well.

Suddenly, the sound of his heavy breathing appeared near my ear through the door. And then, muffled a bit by the wood and, I'm guessing, his hands as he cupped them around his mouth, he sang out to me,

"Do you want to build a snowmaaaan?"


I really don't know what I'm supposed to do with that.

51 comments :

  1. Hahahaha, that Huck is a real character. He should have children's books written about him ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my gosh..... this made me laugh sooooooooo hard!! He is just the cutest! You're a fabulous momma! I think it takes a sense of humor to raise boys :)

    xo
    Rachel

    ReplyDelete
  3. haha - "Don't even LOOK at me." Yep, sometimes it's a necessary end to any argument.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hilarious!! I love these! Thanks for sharing!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I LOVE these! I wish I could meet Mr. Huck in person because he is really something :)

    allienotsally.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. this was hilarious. you have quite a character in your hands. so cute!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh that last one really tickled me pink.

    ReplyDelete
  8. so stinking adorable!!

    www.amoderngypsy.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. that last one- i laughed out loud until i cried. ah, that was a good share.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ahhhh, kids. What is it about these little people? They can be so funny and entertaining, too bad there's never a video camera around when you need one!

    I love his little personality, what a cutie you've got!

    ReplyDelete
  11. oh man, I'm trying to giggle as quietly as I can behind my desk so my co-workers don't notice me! That last one was killer.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is my favorite ever.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh no, that was way too funny!!!! I totally laughed out loud! Little nut! Keep these coming, they are so good! (BTW, speaking of the movie Frozen, my niece stayed over the other night and we watched that movie to get ready for bed. As the rocks were rolling out of the forest to heal the little girl in the beginning after her sister zaps her with ice, I ask my niece what the rocks are. She totally deadpans: "Oh! They're you. They're trolls." Yea, thanks kid!)

    ReplyDelete
  14. He's the cutest!!! Such a personality!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Well this made my day. Thanks, Huck!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I literally laughed out loud. My husband was so confused because I never laugh out loud. But oh goodness. What an adorable little man that Huck is. :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh my word!!!! Do you wanna build a snowman? Are you even kidding me? If my daughter (12 mos.) says anything half as hilarious, I will be in BIG trouble. How do you manage to keep a straight face when they're being hilariously naughty?

    Michelle

    ReplyDelete
  18. I laughed so hard! I can't wait til my little guy is old enough to spew out gems like those! My daughter is there now.

    ReplyDelete
  19. ahahahahahaha! made my day too.
    Love love love these please keep sharing!! Huck is so funny.

    Valentina
    Valentina Duracinsky Blog

    ReplyDelete
  20. laughing so hard. please keep sharing these! he's so darling.

    ReplyDelete
  21. that child has got some wit, eh? clever guy for being so tiny!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Ha ha "do you want to build a snowman". Too funny! He sounds like a real character.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Reminds me so much of my son!! Whenever I'm angry at him, he'll suddenly act so sweet and say "You're so beautiful, Mama. Really, you're so beautiful..." and I can't get mad with him after he say those words. He's such a sweet-talker. Haha.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Yep.... I was saying to my daughter yesterday that her baby is going to be 20 soon, what would life be like without her. She said, no one would be saying bescusting or calling english muffins circle toast although she hasn't said that in a very long time. Huck is a dude.

    ReplyDelete
  25. well shit the bed, I laughed soo much reading that then! But that last one is my favourite yet.

    ReplyDelete
  26. these made me giggle... Huck for President!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hahaha!! My daughter knocks on every door and sings in her two year old gibberish, wanna bilsnomaaaaaaa!? It took us forever to figure out what she was doing, soooo funny!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. STOP. I'm on an airplane right now DYING laughing in my seat. People are starting to look. Oh, I can't wait to have a baby that age. It sounds like a blast and a half. for reals.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Natalie! Oh my gosh I am dying. Thanks so much for sharing! That last one had me rolling with laughter. Huck is such a character, this makes me so excited to have kids someday.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I am cry-laughing right now from that last one. Just perfect. What a GEM you've got with your Henry Holbrook!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Hahaahhaahahahhahahahaha. I'm still going from the last one. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Ah classic Huck right there. What a fantastic little boy you've raised Natalie. Hooray!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I know you know, but your kid is awesome. The end.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Oh gosh, heart melted when he sang the Frozen song. That Huck of yours is nothing short of spectacular!!
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  34. So sweet! This reminds me so much of my little guy :-). I also just wanted to say HI and to let you know that you've inspired me to create my own capsule wardrobe. It's not perfect but I've had a lot of fun so far. You can ready my story and see my progress here: http://his-girl-friday.com/2014/09/18/opening-the-capsule/ Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Thank you for sharing. I love it. Each and every one. I have 2yo and this makes me think I need to start writing down some of the things he is saying now.

    ReplyDelete
  36. OMG this is the cutest! Plays like a movie in my head.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I'm in charge of my farts. Well hey when you are a little you don't get to be in charge of much, so good on you Huck for asserting your authority in the fart department! : ) Also - did you just crack up laughing to the snowman song or what?! Hard to stay mad when they end up being hilarious : ) www.crystalandsam.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  38. Do you want to build a snowman??? Hahahaha! Oh my goodness, that Huck. He's just awesome! Thanks for sharing him with us!

    ReplyDelete
  39. I just CRIED laughing over that last one!! Hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Oh I love these + cannot wait until my littles are old enough to say such fun things! That last one...wowza, a moment to remember indeed. So much meaning there.

    susan // fleurishing

    ReplyDelete
  41. this might be the best thing I've ever read. in my whole life.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I laughed till I cried! Thanks so much for sharing this, keep them coming little H!

    ReplyDelete
  43. i was just sitting hear in the worst i-hate-sundays mood and that last one made me laugh out loud. sometimes they just win. thank you natalie. thanks huck.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Bahahaha! Last one is my favorite! Also laughed about his nickel. :D

    ReplyDelete
  45. So hilarious lol

    http://www.theartofvintagerevival.com

    ReplyDelete
  46. I. Am. Dying. These are too good, and such a hilarious start to my day <3

    ReplyDelete
  47. Reading through these archives (why don’t blogs have actual writing anymore?? I loved reading yours), and these Huck stories were always some of my favorite and that singing Frozen story is the bessst.

    ReplyDelete

Comments are moderated because mama ain't no fool.