Hey! Quick update from the HNJ HQ. I was feeling really verbose about this a half second ago and was going to do a whole separate post about it, but then I'm not sure I feel so verbose about it anymore, so I'll get straight to the point here instead.
I was really glad--and surprised to feel glad, because I also felt really disappointed--by the comments in this post. Not disappointed at you, disappointed at me.
When I wrote these posts at Babble, everything seemed different. People loved them, I loved them, a good time was had by all. Oh but life was so simple back in 2011 ;). (I'm kidding.) I quit Babble to work on my book, and in the course of the year and change that I spent turning myself inside out to write what I feel is ultimately the most meaningful fluff that I've ever written, I started to re-evaluate just about everything I had always thought that I'd believed. Such as: that quantity was better than quality; that making others happy was better than making myself happy; that the things I had been taught to be true were necessarily true by mere virtue of the fact that somebody else believed them to be true. It was a really painful, excruciatingly beautiful year, and I came out of it with a much better idea of what was important to me, and of how I wanted to live my life. It was like finding a high-speed elevator when you'd been trudging too slowly up the stairs for too long.
It was kind of a tumultuous year for the blog, too, and I know I alienated a lot of readers. Readers who liked the "old Natalie." And I feel that, guys, I feel that. Even though I was Natalie Jean wayyyy before I was Nat The Fat Rat, if we're being stupid and particular about things. Anyway.
I was wrong, this is SO the textbook definition of verbose. Nice one.
Anyway. I brought these posts back because a lot of my readers asked me to. I probably get three or more emails a week about those old Forever 21 posts. "I know you don't shop there anymore but it would SO help a new mom transitioning between wardrobes if you'd do them again." "I know you don't shop there anymore, but they were so fun to read! Please bring them back!" Please note I am not blaming these rad people for anything, nor would I want to. I made the decision ultimately. I mean, I missed them too. They're hella fun. They were also a small help in the income department, and I'd be lying if I didn't tell you the straight truth: the Holbrooks can't comfortably afford private pre-k. BUT OH WELL, CONTRACTS.
After talking it over with many people in my life who know me well and who thought me ridiculous for not continuing to write them all along, I decided to bring them back. I hoped it'd make everybody happy, including my husband who sometimes asks, "hey are you getting another paycheck anytime soon?" So I wrote one. It didn't feel right, but it also didn't feel wrong. So I wrote a second one. The second one felt wrong. It was fun, I was proud of the entertainment quality, but I didn't like looking at it. So I published my Friday post earlier than I normally would have so it wouldn't be at the top of the page anymore. And then I tried to forget it and figured it would be more fun than not and that life would go on. But a few of you chimed in to say that it also felt wrong to you. And listen, I am so glad that you did. My biggest failing in this life is not trusting my gut, and needing validation for feelings that I should feel perfectly confident in feeling. So, and I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I needed your input to solidify this one for me, and I'm so glad that I got it. But I'm also sorry that I felt I needed it in the first place? Wouldn't it be fun to be all perfect and junk? Maybe next time. Anyway, those posts just don't fit here anymore, and while I can't say I wish I hadn't done them (personal growth! two thumbs up!) I can also say that I definitely wish I hadn't done them.
So. I want to apologize, truly, for seeming disingenuous or hypocritical. I hear you, I agree with you. If it counts for anything, though my actions may have been both, my motives were neither. The people-pleasing side of me sure hopes you know that, while the me that I always hope to believe I am is confident enough in knowing that I am just a person doing her best with good intentions and that's all that matters. But hell, the ship done sailed on that one in this case.
Anyway, I won't be continuing with this series. And to those readers who loved them and wanted more of them: I think you are rad, no matter where you shop or why. I do want to find a way to do something similar in the future, somehow, in a way that better aligns with the values I hold dear. I shouldn't expect to separate "entertainment" from "responsibility," and I feel badly that I tried.
(You might be happy to know, this whole situation has pushed me to finally confront my diet soda habit. Because that just doesn't fit anymore, either. As much as it sincerely hurts my feelings to admit it. :) I told this to Brandon just now; he says, "Yeahhhh I'll believe it when I see it.")
Anyway, that's it! Original post below, comments still up, lots of love for you in my chest.
***
It's Thursday, "the day before the day before Valentime's," as Huck likes pointing out, and at the very top of my to-do list, right after publishing this post, is buying bananas. I feel like, of all the fruits, you know? And readying the house for a photo shoot. And decluttering the bathroom. And laundry! Crap. Laundry. Also! I just glanced out the window just now and saw all these fat snowflakes falling peacefully to the dingy sidewalk below. "Huck, it's snowing!" I said, and then Huck shouted in response, "It's Christmas again!" That's cute.
So let's do it!
What YOU Should Be Buying At Forever 21 RIGHT NOW. Hit it!
