8.18.2008

Let's Get A Little Personal, Shall We?


Aunt Flo is visiting this week. Aunt Flo was not invited.

For three months I've kindly let Aunt Flo know that I've needed a break from her. A nine-month-plus break. I've asked her sweetly and reminded her gently. This time I am pleading. No more, Aunt Flo. Please, no more.

I know it hasn't been long enough for me to be upset. Three months does not exactly infertile make. Four months, or even five or six, would be completely normal. It's just that it wouldn't be just four or five or six months. It would be four or five or six months plus five years. And I have a certain feeling about this. I can't really shake it.

The other day I held a friend's baby. Some of my friend's babies are cute and all, but this one just has something about her that makes me die from anticipation whenever I see her. It could be that she is a dark-haired thing, just like me, and maybe I see in her what my babies might look like one day (assuming Holb's power Nordic genes don't pulverize mine into smithereens). Or maybe I'm nothing special and she makes everyone fall under this trance when they're near her, but when I hold her she just conforms to my shoulder, spreads her arms out across my neck and arms, and soaks right into me. Once when I was holding her, swaying with her back and forth while softly tickling her back, I actually felt light-headed. Everything around me turned a little blurry, noises dulled in the air, and I felt so strongly as I rocked her that this was what I was meant to do. I was good at it. She had been fussy and as soon as I held her she settled in and just looked around the room.

 I had been fussy too.

No more, Aunt Flo. Just for a while.

4 comments :

  1. Love your blog! You are too cute.

    I'm sending you some prayers your direction, you're totally in my thoughts! You poor thing, I have chocolate if you need some, it helps with a certain UNWANTED visitor.

    (you didn't know that Moscow had "Points of Interest" either?! I would call them "Places that this teeny podunk town has that separates them apart from other villages this size.") ha

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  2. aww girl i wanted to cry for you when i read that! i'm sorry you are going through that trial. and if it were even remotely possible, i would totally let you borrow my ovaries, because they make me pregnant when i am trying so very hard not to be! i avoided sex like the plague whenever i was supposed to be ovulating (that was my birth control). Anyway, I still got pregnant somehow and I cried my eyes out the whole day and felt as though my life were over when i found out. now of course i am so grateful to have my little boy. but its kinda funny, the opposite thing happened to me. anyway, keep trying (i suppose the trying part isn't so bad, and hey, i hear lots of sex leads to great marriages...sad i wouldnt know though!) and you will be in my prayers!

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  3. Today I sway and pray and hope. For different things, and the same things. Love you and this blog of yours.

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  4. Today I sway and pray and hope. For different things, and the same things. Love you and this blog of yours.

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