1.06.2010

Frustrated


This morning I am feeling frustrated.

I am feeling frustrated because of the Clomid.

At first I was afraid of the Clomid because it sounded scary.

I was afraid of turning my body over to some drug that would do, who knows what it would do?

I was afraid that I was going to become some hormonal mess.

The doctor warned me of blurry vision, hot flashes, and an early, painful ovulation.

"Buy those ovulation predictor kits and start using them right away!" he said.

But the Clomid wasn't scary at all, to be honest.

At first I went looking for symptoms, calling out "Clooooo-miiid!" in a sing-song voice any time I figured I'd discovered a side-effect. But actually, there was nothing.

No early, painful ovulation.

I really wanted an early, painful ovulation!

I'm still waiting for those predictor sticks to tell me something is going on.

And now, I'm angry at the Clomid.

All of that, for nothing?

Whatever.

This is frustrating.

I am frustrated.

33 comments :

  1. I did three rounds of clomid, took a break and got pregnant. Good friend of mine did three rounds and got pregnant with it. It can be a wonder and it can be SUPER frustrating too. I was lucky I didn't have any of the weird side effects and I don't think my friend did either. Good Luck and enjoy the "practice" along the way!

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  2. super frustrating - but still - you are doing it. you're on this journey with every bit of your being. now go celebrate that someday baby of yours. go buy him/her a pair of sweet lil' baby socks to keep you in high hopes. high high baby filled hopes. good luck! love, lindsay

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  3. It's a new year...possibilities...be happy you don't have the possible negative side effects...but I can understand having them would mean "yes, it is doing something!". No side effects...is it a placebo? No, your body is dealing with the clomid in its own way. I wish I could wave a magic wand...thinking of your low day and hoping it gets better.

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  4. The only appropriate word right now, that comes to mind at least, is DAMMIT.

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  5. Well, Natalie...it's a pretty picture to go with such a exasperated sentiment.

    I'm sorry things haven't went quite like you'd hoped. I'm sorry you didn't get your painful early ovulation...as a girl NOT on clomid, I could only dream of such things....so I can see where it'd be a huge let down to be SO CLOSE...and yet...nuthin! *hugs ya*

    I won't tell you all the normal bullshit..it'll happen when it happens..and have faith...and all that crap....because I know you've heard all of that already 1) because I myslef have said it to you and 2)....because one can only hear so much of that before they become immune to it....and I won't tell you to visualize an egg being fertilized and implanting into your uterine wall...well, because, um i don't know you well enough to talk to you about your innards. So I'll leave you with Phyllis Diller

    “My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual”

    buh-bye,
    ~hl~
    {www.hoscorners.blogspot.com}

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  6. It IS frustrating ........so write about it and just take it day by day Miss Nat....minute by minute .....second by second if you have to. Look for the little beautiful things--I know you can see still them.

    http://youmusttakeyourchance.blogspot.com/

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  7. this is my next next step (if it comes to that) so i'm appreciating the education. there are so many things that seem scary right now. so it means a lot to be a little less scared of something :)

    xo, em

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  8. got preggers on the 3rd cycle of clomid with ava and 1st with leah. no side effects. i hope this works for you too.
    pretty pic. although, i do not miss the snow.

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  9. lucky bastage. I had THE worst hot flashes from it. Miserable cuss.

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  10. Hang in there, girl. Maybe the Lord is trying to teach you patience. I pray it'll happen soon for you.

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  11. If that doesn't work you should ask your Dr about Letrozol, it worked for me first month, same idea as clomid but my dr seemed to think it was better.

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  12. Poor baby. Hang in there and GL!

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  13. That's really cool that you are on the path! :) Frustration is a valid way to feel!

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  14. Side effects suck! Be thankful you aren't having any and know that doesn't mean that it's not working! I'm sure it will happen soon...just look at all the success stories with the drug! A baby will happen soon. :)

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  15. I've been lurking for a while, and meaning to give you some assvice.

    I can't help but notice that you are pretty skinny. Prior to getting pregnant (I am due any day now!), I was also pretty skinny, but I didn't think I was abnormally so. I got my period like any normal person, so I figured that everything was fine. But, when we started trying to get PG, I was impatient, and bought one of those crazy expensive Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitors (they work like those ovulation kits, but they are MUCH easier to use). I love the little machine, but that's sort of beside the point. Anyway, I very quickly discovered that although I was getting my period, I was ovulating VERY late--always post CD-21. Two years and two miscarriages later, I still wasn't PG, but my regular OB wasn't concerned. She suggested Clomid, which is sort of the knee-jerk reaction every OB goes to when someone is having a hard time getting PG.

    I did a ton of reading on my own, and read somewhere that sometimes thin women ovulate late, which results in poor egg quality, which results in the inability to get pregnant or stay pregnant. So, I worked on gaining a little weight, and gained about 10 percent of my body weight.

    Luckily, I also have fabulous health insurance, and I was able to self-refer myself to a reproductive endocrinologist at the same time. He told me that a) I was too thin, and that b) Clomid wasn't going to do anything for me, in all likelihood.

    However, just as we were getting going on testing to make sure there weren't any other problems (he was leaning toward me needing to gain 20 more pounds, or use injectibles), the second cycle after I'd gained a little weight, I got pregnant.

    Anyway, that was a little long-winded, but maybe it will help you out a bit. You hear a lot about overweight women having trouble getting pregnant, but there isn't much out there for skinny chicks. Hope you don't mind the totally unsolicited comments. If you want to read more, my tale of woe is on my blog, by the way. Best of luck to you on your journey!

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  16. My sis-n-law has been trying various terrible methods of impregnating for years and years. She and her husband finally decided to implant one of their IVF embryos with a surrogate (me actually) since she wasn't carrying her pregnancies for long. The process was started, paperwork completed, and suddenly she became pregnant. Without any fertility anything or AI or IVF! The process has made me see just what an amazing combination of science and miracle a pregnancy really is.

    Do what you must and keep your chin up, girl. You have the support of many many friends and fans!

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  17. We needed clomid PLUS insemination for #1. Nothing for #2. My (unsolicited) advice? Make sure you're seeing a reproductive specialist for the clomid, not just an ob gyn. It's their specialty. While it's pricier, you may save $$ but getting things right the first time, instead of doing things only partway with an ob.

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  18. #1 was third round of clomid, #2 came all by herself, #3 and #4 were countless rounds of clomid that didn't work and finally clomind plus insemination. I feel for ya! I have a love/hate relationship with that drug.

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  19. Kristi, when I hear that you are in my boat it makes my boat suddenly so so cool.

    And everyone: thank you so much for your comments and support and love. Especially for the one who said I was skinny. That one gets extra bonus love points.

    I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!

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  20. I am so with you right now. A year and a half ago I did a round of clomid and got pregnant that first round. Then I miscarried... Since then I have been on 2 separate 3 cycle rounds of double dose clomid, no luck. The only word that comes to mind is, you got it, FRUSTRATED! However, one thing I found instead of the dratted ovulation strips ( I never once caught ovulation with those, and they are so expensive!) is the fertile focus saliva microscope. It is reusable and user friendly and really, really cool (if being all scientific is your cup o' tea). Just know you are not alone. And thanks for sharing your journey. Now I feel not quite so alone :)

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  21. Natalie, Queenie and my story are very similar. I weighed 110 when I went to the Infertility specialist, after already trying two rounds of Clomid. The first thing my Fertility Specialist told me to do is gain weight. I gained 15 pounds. After two rounds of injectibles, nothing. I decided to take a break for a month, and low and behold we got pregnant on our own, the month we decided to take a break from the med's. Our daughter was born the day after Christmas 2004. Hang in there, it will eventually happen for you.

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  22. Nat, *Hugs* for you. I think most of the good advice has already been given. In the words of Winston Churchill " Never,never,ever give up !" ( or something to that effect.) PS Your photo is beautiful.

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  23. I wish someone would tell me I was skinny :(

    I had to gain ten pounds before I got pregnant (took almost a year of trying). 145 was the magical number for me. Now if only I could get back down to that number...

    Love the photo!

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  24. ug. so frustrating. you are keeping to your resolution=create. trying to create counts!
    i did 3 rounds of clomid and never had any side effects, either. now i am waiting for AF to come so i can start femara. FUN STUFF! hopefully we'll both have wonderfully chubby babies come october!

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  25. Why is it that people who really shouldn't be having babies (read 13 year olds and the like) have no trouble getting prego, but then there are regular people, old enough and married and ready and all of that jazz and NO babies? Seriously, it's like a giant practical joke that really isn't funny (and yes I treated a 13 year old who was prego-it was like a smack in the face)

    One day all of us who have had rough going in the baby making department had better get the gushiest squishiest pink babies, twins even!

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  26. Fertility is the most frustrating thing EVER. I have been there before too and am there again (ugh) so I can relate to the emotional roller coaster you feel ever month.

    I did get pregnant with #1 using clomid...it took almost three years but it worked!! Now we are tying to figure out how to get #2 here...it is such a processes. One that I think is totally unfair and difficult.

    I would try Femara (letrozole) too- I have friends that got pregnant from that instead of Clomid.

    Good luck and hang in there!!

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  27. Are you going to want the puking part of morning sickness, too?!

    Sending good fertility luck your way :)

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  28. YES! I want it ALL!

    (A small, smug part of me wonders if I am just too much of a champion to feel clomid sick or pregnant sick, but I try not to be smug so much in 2010, you know.)

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  29. BLAST! Well, I hope it still works...and I hope it doesn't take 3 rounds like some of your other readers. just now and fast. The worst is that I'm SOO helpless in all this. I wish I could do something...even just make you feel better. but I'm not very powerful...but know I do love you! and miss ya like crazy. you guys want to get together with the Muirs this Sat and play...eh, eh??

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  30. What happened to your ask the rat page?

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  31. It is still up, Anon, I just haven't been in there in FOREVER. It's here: http://asktherat.blogspot.com

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  32. pretty lady, hang in there

    xoxoxo

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  33. clomid worked for me -- but it did all those scary things: I became a fat, hormonally charged, former version of myself. But two months in and YIPPEE!!! Oh and ovulation WAS a BITCH!

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