some days i feel like i need to pinch myself. these days i'm, like, smack in the middle of all of the good stuff i ever had the presence of mind to wish for.
some days are brutally good that they hurt. i'm constantly aware that these are the best days, and that all these moments are the moments i'll spend the rest of my life wishing i could have back. sometimes i wish i could open my eyes WIDER--like, really pull them open--so i can take of it in at once, and not miss a single drop of it. i am just so in love with being this boy's mama, being this man's wife, doing what i do and living where i live and loving these boys that i love so much.
on saturday morning we set out in the misty air for an early mother's day brunch at bubby's. we love bubby's, it's one of our favorite spots in the city, and while we were there we got to try ramps, the "it" vegetable of the season. so ramps are actually pretty amazing. we even remembered to hit the photo booth in the basement.
we took a few slices of pie for the road and took off on a a good walk to nowhere. after a bit we found ourselves at washington square park, which happens to be my favorite of all the parks, and while we were there, stealing bites of each others' peanut butter and banoffee pies and taking turns pushing huck on the swings, the skies turned straight ominous on us. the leaves on the concrete started swirling and scattering, and the hairs on my arms started to stand up in just that certain way . . .
yesssssss!
yesssssss!
monsoon! no it wasn't a monsoon. the skies opened up on us while we were walking up fifth avenue and it was cosmic. the rain was enormous. it felt like the whole of earth was about to swallow us up in its fury, it was loud and thrilling with blinding lightning and echoing thunder, . . . we were drenched by the first second it started and laughing so hard we could barely breathe.
we found refuge in a taco bell! lucky you brandon! obviously acid colored mountain dew and some tacos locos doritos were called for. it was like it was fate. and hey, thumbs up cool ranch. (brandon prefers the nacho cheese. gross.)
the rain stopped and we went home for some warm baths and footie pajimjams and an enormous bunch of fresh peonies with mama's name on 'em.
MOTHER'S DAY. i hope you all had a lovely one. especially you mamas-of-furbabies and even most especially you mamas-in-waiting. i think this holiday really belongs to those who yearn, because you are doing the hardest work. your hearts are loving the biggest love, fighting the hardest fight, and taking the biggest, scariest leaps. my thoughts and my prayers and all of my love have been with each of you this weekend. i hope you took the good chocolate and had the longest and most luxurious afternoon nap of your life. fist bumps. and hang in there.
hang. in. there.
pinch away! Life is really good.
ReplyDeleteOhh the ending made me cry. Hanging in there! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is easily my favorite post from you yet. Love love LOVE. You have such a sweet family (look at those strapping gentlemen!). You are one lucky lady indeed, but I think your husband and son are pretty darn lucky to have you for a wife & mama. ;)
ReplyDeleteAlso. That first picture of you is a-mazing. Can we fist bump to that dress?
This post made me extremely happy.
ReplyDeleteThat dress! Where, may I ask, is that beauty from?! And as usual, lovely post. xx
ReplyDeleteThousand watt smiles after this post!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad for your good fortune and happiness and thank you for sharing and make some other people happy too...this is contagious :)
ReplyDeleteI can't explain how much I loved this post. I can't wait for you to write your book.
ReplyDeleteLike holding my breath can't wait. Keep enjoying those boys lady, keep enjoying.
Xo
N
You have the loveliest way with words. I can spend hours reading your blog and never get bored. I usually cry, laugh, reminisce. it's like a bundle of emotions. And I love it. Can't wait to read your book, it's going to be boss :)
ReplyDeletexo
Lauren
That last picture makes me so curious to see Huck as a grown up, he has THE best facial expressions. So glad you had such a rad mother's day weekend Natalie, you deserve it all!!
ReplyDeleteThis is so cute. I'm happy for you! Hanna
ReplyDeleteYou are one of maybe 10 people I've known EVER that look fantastic with "rain hair". Just saying. Slow clap for you!
ReplyDeleteThe little man looks so much like you in these pics. It's the lips or something. Beautiful post!
ReplyDeletethat first photo of you is so classic - like a classic photo of a beautiful woman. and it captures the essence of what you talked about today - it's a perfect picture of a stolen moment of a woman in the midst of the best days of her life, or her most alive days, the kind of picture you look back and sigh on. it's like the picture that diane keaton opens in the family stone - when you're a young mother or pregnant it can be hard, and it can be isolating, but when you look back on those photos and that time it just seems so beautiful and so pure and so alive. not necessarily the best days - because there are so many good ones in the years past and the years ahead - but i always feel that growing and nurturing young life just makes one a little more alive, a little more in tune with the whole process of life.
ReplyDeleteand i'm not a mom, these are just observations. i could be totally, and wholly, incorrect. but still, just what i think.
i loved this. and thank you. and you're terribly spot on. xoxo.
DeleteI follow your lovely little blog but I've never commented. I needed to after this post. Thank you, thank you for thinking of those of us who still yearn and hope so hard it hurts that maybe next Mother's Day will be the one. After two miscarriages in 6 months, this Mother's Day was a killer for me. I needed to hear the words you shared today. To know that someone gets it. So thank you for calming my spirit and giving me the courage to hope a little longer.
ReplyDeleteYou are just the best. Such joy to my days you do bring. Love your writing. And I love getting caught in the rain too. It's the most romantic thing ever.
ReplyDeleteLove your boy's shirt and tie! He really has the cutest boy outfits. And your last paragraph is spot-on. Thank you for writing that down, *fist pump* back at you. :)
ReplyDeleteYour words, too, have helped me cope with the Mother's-Day-Blues. I lost my mom in a tragic accident when I was 5, and have had such a hard time growing up with all things mother-related. Now that I'm all "grown up" and am trying to start a family (and not having luck for the past year nonetheless), celebrating Mother's day this past weekend with my big extended family was a little heart-crushing, and it's honestly comforting to hear that there are others out there who know that feeling and share it, or have once shared it. And that there is hope for my future Mother's Day's, reading and seeing how yours has changed and blossomed and this huge love for this little boy is the reason for celebration. I can't wait.
ReplyDeletei am in love with huck! I think he's the cutest kid I've ever seen!
ReplyDeleteYou have such a way with words! I love reading about your adventures and Huck looks soooo cute!
ReplyDeletehappymedley.blogspot.com
What a lovely day!
ReplyDeletewww.gonetribalblog.com
Yes, I agree after a few rough Mother's Days I was pinching myself all weekend caught in the same rainstorm and all =)
ReplyDeleteYou are simply inspiring. I've been blessed by your words time and time again and this was no exception. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteOh my...Huck is getting bigger and bigger so fast!...he seems like a baby last time, now is a little big boy!=)
ReplyDeleteAwhhh Natalie, I don't have the right words because this post is BRIMMING with significant thoughts and feelings...I wouldn't do it justice!
ReplyDeleteI just imagine that life for you right now is like sitting against an open fire and being completely mesmorised by the flame and soaking up every last drop of warmth in your bones. That's the only way I can empathise with the love you and your boys share - it looks like its the most comforting, all consuming other-wordly thing. Thanks for sharing it with all of us, because now I know what the feeling I'VE been having - it's the first real flickers of embers somewhere deep in my stomach for all this good that will come one day soon if I'm lucky enough.
Flora x
www.twowithseven.blogspot.co.uk
You definitely used to be Abraham Lincoln, definitely.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like it was lovely, rain and all! :)
ReplyDeleteLove your writing Natalie! Love how self-aware you are of all the good things in life. Sometimes you do just need to pinch yourself, right? Happy mother's day!
ReplyDeleteThis was such a beautiful post. Happy Mother's Day, Natalie!
ReplyDeleteI love those cosmic moments. Those moments when you realize that while maybe you could find something that might be out of place if you tried hard enough, right now life is absolutely perfect.
ReplyDeleteLoved this story! Love rainstorms too :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day!
Such a wonderful story. Glad you had the loveliest of days!
ReplyDeleteCan I say I just love you? Is that totally weird?! Your blog is always so capturing to me! You inspire me, you make me cry, you make me laugh, and make me love "You've Got Mail" even more than I already do! (if that's possible!) I am in the "mama's in waiting" club, and it's hard, especially when the Doctors say it's impossible, but I know the heavens have other plans! So thank you for thinking of us on your Mother's Day, and thank you for just being real and awesome!
ReplyDelete"Maybe I was Abraham Lincoln" has me giggle/snorting at my work computer :)
ReplyDeletewww.anna-bird.com
You have a beautiful family. And I love your blog! I'm new to the blog world and I just fell in love with you and your life right away. I am currently enduring the hard road of infertility and many of your posts have been so relatable. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. Blessings to you! We do have so much to be thankful for if we just take the time to soak it all in and appreciate the simple things.
ReplyDeletesuch a beautiful post! Pics were gorgeous and the weekend looks like it was some kind of perfect! happy for you!
ReplyDeleteThat bottom set of pictures of you and Huck and that smile he gives, precious:)
ReplyDeleteHappy Belated Mother's Day! I can't wait to have that feeling with my family one day!
ReplyDeletexo Lisa
Making Life's Lemons
Happy belated mother's day! You all look beautiful, these photos are gorgeous, your weekend sounds wonderful - so many good things to take away from this post :) I love your love for your family. And the way you didn't allow the rain to rain on the way you felt about your weekend. This is amazing, lovely :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely Mother's Day, Natalie. Like one from an old, nostalgic movie that you love watching over and over again.
ReplyDeleteAWE! What a fun weekend!
ReplyDeleteI was reading this and my 3 year old, Quinn, came over and was all 'I wanna go to Huck's house!'.
Don't we all little dude, don't we all.
just love
//kelly
Great post. I relate to so much of it -- you're feelings of wanting to open your eyes wider to take it in better, the love of a good walk and thunderstorm, heck, Mountain Dew being the best beverage to go with Taco Bell... ;-). Lovely.
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness your boy is such a little MAN! also that dress was made for you. and i totally get that "lemme just pull my eyes a little bit more just so i can reeeeeally appreciate this" kind of thing. it's all i've been doing lately :)glad you had a lovely one!
ReplyDeletevery sweet and a happy m-day to you :)
ReplyDeleteNat your dress paired with your boys outfits are just too much! I mean "Are you hucking kidding me with all the presh in this Mother's Day post or what?!"... come on! You win! You do. Just like you said "Do you ever feel like you could just pinch yourself"... well you must have to with your boys on a daily. Such love Nat. Such love. You are blessed with mercy beyond!
ReplyDeleteI love this whole stinkin' thing! But it's like you had me at hello, that first paragraph is just divine. I hope we can all find that feeling in our lives.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely day! Family is a such a blessing!!
ReplyDeletexoxo PARIS BEE kids blog
I am not a mama(by choice!) but I sniffled so much at the end of your post. Although I decided that parenthood isn't for me, it breaks my heart to think of the women in this world who are trying to conceive and struggling. I ALWAYS think of them first on Mother's Day. I can't imagine a longing that deep and not having the ability to manifest it immediately. I love those mamas most because anyone who has longed for something will cherish it that much more when it becomes theirs. Beautiful post as always!
ReplyDeleteLove this post! I've been feeling the same all week. It's honestly so euphoric, me and my little dude every day. He's constantly running over and hugging and kissing me, playing and laughing with me. It's seriously a dream and I know all-to-well that I'll wake up in 20 years and he'll be off and married and forgotten all about how he completely stole my heart. At least I'll always have my amazing husband, right?
ReplyDeleteRAMPS! yes. so good. every time i've gone through the farmers market this month i've bought a bunch or two. i love them. those potatoes look perfect too. dang, i'm hungry.
ReplyDeletealthough not for the tacos loco nacho cheese. i still haven't tried the cool ranch but i need to do so. i still think they all royally screwed up by not using spicy nacho.
I always enjoy reading your blog. It gives me happy thought, all the time. You have a nice family and your little boy is so cute.
ReplyDeleteNatalie my dear, you have a way with words. Happy Mother's Day! and I love what Colleen posted above about that first photo of you. Huck will love that photo of you one day. :) What are you using to shoot these days?
ReplyDeleteYou're the best! Even the lightest posts are really so deep and meaningful. I feel the same! I am one lucky lady. :)
ReplyDeleteWhile reading this I just kept saying, "I knowwww!" and "Yes!!"
ReplyDeleteThank you girl. Fist bumps.
I love your writing Natalie! It's always great to read your words :)
ReplyDeleteThat seems like such an awesome Mother's Day! I particularly loved the photo booth pictures your family took! Such a cute idea :)
Glad you know you liked those new Taco Bell tacos! I'll have to try the Cool Ranch one sometime!
those curly haired rain photos are my favorite of you, ever, i think : )
ReplyDeleteI love your red dress. You always seem to have the loveliest photographs. xx
ReplyDelete