6.19.2013

IN WHICH WE TAKE OVER NATALIE'S BLOG


Ratting out the 'Rat
guest blogging by: Kristen Jex (in partnership with Brandon Holbrook)

I'm Kristen. One of Nat's besties. Occasional personal hairdresser. Weekly babysitter. Musician, Writer, Exotic Half-Japanese Beauty, etc. 

I never read Natalie's blog, (luckily she doesn't mind) but I suspect all you readers out there aren't getting the full spectrum of what is known about Natalie Holbrook. So I am writing an exposé unbeknownst to Natalie even before I beg her to post this, in hopes that you may also enjoy knowing all her weird secrets.  

1) There are no tissues. Anywhere. Her place does not have tissues. Or paper towels. Or napkins. It's awkward in the instance that you sneeze and there's a lot of snot and someone's in the bathroom. Otherwise excellent for the environment.

2) This is how much Dr. Pepper there is in the fridge at all times, not even kidding. I often catch her pulling out a bottle like it were a flask and taking a quick swig in Sacrament meeting. 


3) I know this isn't a weird secret, but I'm myth-busting. Her kid really is as cute and adorable as he is in all the pictures that are probably littered around this blog. His laugh is so cute. I don't know what to do with all the cuteness that explodes out of his face. I usually just succumb to another round of “Ring Around the Rosie” for the millionth time before I pass out. 


4) I've never seen her socks match.

5) I know a girl's gotta have her shoes, but Nat's closet is LEGIT. I ain't never seen so many shoes! 


6) She's really into eye protection. Apparently. I think there's 11 pairs? Is this normal? I don't even know.


7) She never fails to update me on how her stomach is doing whenever we converse. Her insides are strangely indicative of how her life is generally going. Her stomach is like her sixth sense or something. I could pick her up, shake her around a little, and her tummy would probably reveal one of 12 responses like a magic eight ball.

8) I have looked and looked and I can never find a tampon in her bathroom! I don't know where she hides those things. One day I will need one. I must find out where she keeps them. 


9) She frequently finds clothes for Henry in the girl's section. (!)

10) After a hard day's work her eyelashes retire in the following fashion: 


If you've never watched Parks and Recreation I don't know what's wrong with you. Seriously, get on that. Because I'm about to compare Natalie Holbrook to Leslie Knope. 

Natalie is totally into strong female role models and is one herself. She is professional, courteous, well-accomplished and ever beautiful to the world, though behind the scenes, hopelessly flawed, concerned about every single freaking thing on the planet, stubborn, and at times adorably mistaken. Nat has a giant, vulnerable, passionate heart, and also like Leslie, is overly in love with whipped cream.

I'm not a mom (instead I have two ferrets that I take very seriously), so I don't know much about parenting. I gather it's hard. I'm not about to tell you how Natalie does it all, because she doesn't. She gets through the day, you know. So as you look at her pictures and read through her life, know that there's not a whole lot of difference between her and you other awesome moms/gals out there (except for all the strange ass quirks I just mentioned above).

Sorry I rummaged through your stuff and always eat all your snacks, 

Love, Kristen

98 comments :

  1. this iiiiiiiis glorious! i wish i had a kristen and all your sunglasses!

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  2. This is SO good. Solid bestie-ness at its finest right here. Kristen you were a fabulous guest poster, and Natalie....more likeable than ever.

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  3. Oh my I love this post :)

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  4. lol this great and complete hilarious! It has also endeared her more to me. The more real the better!

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  5. my friend lisa has, no joke, ten pairs of sunglasses in her car's glove compartment at all times. she would love your collection!

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  6. Hahaha! Can I have a Kristen in my life?! Loved this post!!

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  7. Hahaha! Can I have a Kristen in my life?! Loved this post!!

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  8. such an awesome post! love natalie even more now. i think the comparison to leslie knope is really what did it for me!

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  9. Oh my gosh I love it!! Kristen and Natalie are like the dynamic duo.
    xo

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  10. Super cute post.
    I don't mean to sound stupid, but I thought Mormons don't eat/drink caffeine? I hope that's not a stereotype...

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    1. Kind of a stereo-type... but don't stress, we get it alot!!!

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  11. Love this post! I don't think I would trust my hubs and BFF to write an expose on me though...

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  12. Well, isn't this just delightful? Seriously! What a pal you've got there, Nat. So sweet.

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  13. Funniest blog post ever. Girl, WHERE do you hide your tampons?? Hahaha

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  14. This was such an amazing guest blog post. the best i read. and, made me fall in love with nat, and henry(huck) and the holbs all the more! So awesome!

    bridgi
    yodgi.com

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  15. that photo of all the dr pepper has turned me green with envy. at $20 for a 12 pack, here in australia, dr pepper is a luxury. a sweet, nectar of life luxury

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  16. Oh my gosh. This is the greatest.

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  17. This is the best post ever! I am so envious of her shoe collection. One day I will have more than 5 pairs. :P

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  18. This is so great! Love it. Hanna

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  19. I can't even. This is so so so so so so gold!

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  20. I love it. So funny & real.

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  21. a. i can't believe all that Dr. Pepper in your fridge/ I love that there's so much DP in your fridge, you're my hero.

    b. totally going to the little girls section soon for my son

    c. this is one of my favorite posts. you are the cutest Nat

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  22. This was the cutest thing!

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  23. Oh, I laughed the whole time. This is a great kind of best friend, mainly due to pink hair and tampon searches.

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  24. i truly enjoyed this. maybe a little too much haha.

    K

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  25. does she have COTTON CANDY for hair!? Gorgeous! What a sweetheart!

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  26. the only thing i can think right now is WHAT building do you live in with a fridge that size! and so much space for shoes! just kidding, i can also think that i am in love with this post, and in love with Kristen's hair/detective skills. best best post.

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  27. This was an awesome post! I always love your posts, Natalie, but this was sort of refreshing, seeing you through someone else's eyes. Loved it! You seem like such a great person :)

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  28. i am crazy in love with this! squeeee

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  29. Love your friend's hair! And you should have a post about all your shoes one day ;)

    http://smittenbyangels.blogspot.com

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  30. What a fun post! This was really a joy to read.

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  31. I love this post!
    I'm so impressed about the Dr Pepper...I knew Natalie had a thing with it but seriously, it left me speechless.
    Thanks so much for sharing :)

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  32. love this post.
    really enjoyed getting to know these things about natalie.

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  33. This is completely my favourite. What women. xx

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  34. This is hilarious!

    That's a lot of Dr. Pepper.

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  35. this is awesome. love it!

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  36. This is one of the best posts ever

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  37. this is great. really enjoyed it!

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  38. Oh, these are the kinds of friends worth having! The kind that know you inside and out and eat your food and would know exactly where you keep your tampons. Yes. I will be in NYC visiting mine later this summer and I just. cannot. wait.

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  39. This is THE best. What a great/fun friend/babysitter.

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  40. Loooove this! The eyelashes and all the "stuff" just warmed my heart. Also, I'm going to go ahead and imagine those are lime jello shots on that top shelf in your fridge. I'm on to you... ;)

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  41. Fun post. I also do not have tissues in my house. If there are tissues then there are snotty noses and I don't care for snotty noses. And also, I have the same stomach. What I don't have is a Kristen and I need me a Kristen.

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  42. This is so hilarious! My best friend always comes to my house and eats all my food too ;) Standard best friend behaviour!

    www.ciderwithrosie.com

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  43. this is a very sweet post and I'm glad she wrote it! and btw I have total shoe closet envy. My husband is always telling me that I have too many pairs, but really does such a number exist?

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  44. love this post! so hilarious to get another view of sweet natalie!

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  45. What type/brand of false eyelashes do you use? You will probably never responde to this as I have asked it before on the blog but one day you may and until then I'll keep dreaming.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Ash,

      She already did a report on her falsies here: http://www.natthefatrat.com/2012/03/lash-report.html :)

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  46. Favorite post ever, signed, an avid babysitter alum and Leslie Nope FANATIC! Tell her where you keep your tampons, already!

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  47. This is awesome! So honest and funny and perfect.

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  48. Funny :) Those shoes! WOW....that closet needs to go in the Guggenheim as work of modern art.

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  49. everything about this = amazing.

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  50. I love this. Get your other friends to Rat you out!! It's fun!

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  51. Hilarious!!! Loved reading this!

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  52. LOVED THAT!! Want to read more from your guest blogger!! Great writer!!

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  53. This may be my favorite post in the history of blogs! I loved it!!

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  54. haha i need an awesome babysitter/bestie

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  55. Hahaha such a great post!

    Please look at my twitter. It is an inside look at what it is really like to be a wife

    https://twitter.com/BeingHisWife

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  56. every girl should have a Kristin :)

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  57. Hapa Kristin needs to make more cameos on your blog!! I love it and that photo of her with your shoes had me ROLLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XOXOXO

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  58. Just. Love. This. That. Is. All! Xx

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  59. Hahaha, what a fun post! Love it! Except I'm slightly worried by all the fizzy drinks you have in the fridge! ;-)


    xoxo PARIS BEE kids blog

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  60. This was so cute, you seem like a great babysitter!

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  61. Love this post and love you, Natalie! But I had to write about the Diet Dr. Pepper - that seems like a LOT, esp. for someone trying to have a baby! I used to be totally, happily addicted to Diet Coke, especially after I had my second baby and was exhausted (even though I tried to limit it while nursing). I knew I had to stop - the aspartame and dark syrups are just plain scary (but sooo good!).

    I got an awful case of the flu in January, and didn't have Diet Coke for three days. I decided, right then, to quit cold turkey, since I was already part-way through with withdrawal.

    I felt like crap for about 2 weeks, but now I feel SOO much better. I am MUCH less moody and tired. I had no idea how it was making me feel. I also realize now, looking back, that is just unhealthy to be so dependent on anything. I used to take swigs in the morning, thinking I "needed" it to start the day. Now I drink green tea for some caffeine.

    I also realized I was MUCH more disciplined than I ever imagined. Who ever thought I could enjoy Mexican food (or life in general) without Diet Coke?

    I know you weren't asking for some stranger to intrude into your personal choices, but I just wanted to let you know my experience. Off my soapbox now. This was a super fun post - thanks again.

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    1. Weird! Hi, my name is Stephanie and I'm addicted to Diet Dr.Pepper. I drank and drank and drank, loved the stuff, but after a while, I started noticing my mood altering, and I was just plain exhausted ALL the time. Of course I thought 'I NEED MORE', but after getting *bleeped* at by my sis, I rolled my eyes but did research. Read so many articles on how unhealthy diet sodas are/can be and it causes depression in some cases. I did stop and ended up dropping 5 lbs in just two weeks, so I was happy. I don't know if it was the weight or what but I did feel 'lighter' in general, happy, healthy. I'm sure whatever contents in the drink affect everyone differently, but it did a number on me. As for now, I just stick with pellegrino.

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  62. Oh my gosh, I love this post so much. Will you come babysit my Harry? I need a nanny like you.

    Natalie, I shop in the girls section for my boy too. Whatever. They have cuter clothes, and so many are totally unisex. Harry has 3 pairs of jeggings.

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  63. Now I have Dr. Pepper envy. I need more. Now. In my fridge. Great post!

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  64. this was great and honest and funny. the shoe pic and tampon comment cracked me up :)

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  65. Thank you so much for posting this. It's hysterical and down to earth, and sweet. L O V E .

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  66. A wonderful peek from a different perspective. I spy Diet A&W-- delicious!

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  67. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  68. Ha signed in under my husband's account... that deleted comment was mine.. here it is. Loved the post! That's why I like Natalie and her blog so much! So NORMAL. I get a headache reading so many of the "my life and family are perfect" mommy blogs out there. Love the quirks. Love Natalie. Thanks for the post!

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  69. i love how normal this post is. all the quirks & mysteries of natalie holbrook have been a delight to read about.

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  70. Oh my gosh, I never have paper towels, tissues, or napkins either! I only save takeout napkins because, well, why not? And I have that much Coke in my fridge at all times but diet = blech

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  71. Oh loved this post!

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  72. There ARE no tissues in my house! I only buy tissues if one of us has a cold. Which happens a couple of times a year. The rest of the year..no tissues. I love that other people are like this as well!

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  73. Wait, was that a bunch of DIET soda in your fridge? Oh baby girl, you need to get off those nasty chemicals asap. It leaches all the calcium out of your bones. It's just pure toxic sludge! No no! Oh, I am so worried now....please make aunty Melissa happy and try and decrease.....xoxo

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  74. Hey there,

    I love your blog and am very interested in Mormonism.
    Therefore I wanted to ask you: If you had to list 10 rules of Mormon living, what would they be?
    I would be super happy to hear back from you!
    My email: Lavendel01@gmx.net

    With kind regards,
    Lisa

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  75. haha this is adorable!

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  76. I especially enjoy the picture of her fridge. I thought all she ate was Chipotle, various patisseries from around NYC, and Brunch :).

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  77. this is freaking hilarious and i really, really needed a laugh today. thanks nat. your fridge is seriously ridic.

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  78. Hey Natalie, I looked for a way to email you but couldn't find one. But I was wondering why you deleted my comments on your instagram feed about the flag being hung inappropriately? I certainly never meant for it to come across as rude, so I'm sorry if ti seemed like a criticism. I love following your family and being inspired by your style. I am confused, however, as to why you seem to be indifferent about hanging our country's flag the wrong way. My husband served in the military for 9 years and we traveled around a lot during the time we were enlisted. Maybe it's my crazy American pride making an issue out of it....it just seems that our flag should be treated respectfully by a blogger/author who is up-and-coming. You can, and DO, influence a tremendous amount of people for the positive. Please do so for our country, as well.
    laurenrbecker@hotmail.com

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    1. hi Lauren! I didn't see your comments on Instagram, are you sure they posted? I definitely didn't delete them. and I know nothing about the proper way to hang a flag so I'll definitely research and rehang. thanks for letting me know! this is a classic case of me not knowing everything and the Internet facilitating misunderstandings ;). sorry to make you feel bad! I don't delete comments unless they're, like, above and beyond awful. xoxo!

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  79. Natalie, you are one hell of a woman!!! So sweet and respectful! It makes me a little bit angry that someone is nitpicking for no reason! You obviously have much respect for your country, otherwise, why even hang a flag in the first place! Your a better person than I!

    You go girl!!

    xoxo~Heather

    southernnorth.com

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  80. You friend is thee cutest thing!! I LOVE this post!! Love all your quirks, I'm pretty sure we all have them ;) #1, 3, and #8 are my fave, lol! And I am pretty sure #3, everyone has to agree on, seriously, such a little cutie!!

    xo,
    Shio

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  81. hahaaha i looooove this!!!!! your friend is awesome!!

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