HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HENRY HOLBROOK

Can you get over this, my baby is five. 

And he is delightful. And funny, and kind, and mischievous, and not just a little bit of a stinker. He's the most fun I've ever had. He requested an orange pumpkin shaped donut (to go along with the giant gold candle I bought in Paris that we're now using as the Official Holbrook Candle, haha), a party with his friends and cotton candy, and that we celebrate his special day at the arcade where he could run wild. 

Dude guess what, Dance Dance Revolution is still kind of hard.  

Oh, Huck, the world puts on its best for you. This is what it looked like on the day he turned five.

And this is what his party looked like on the day after he turned five.

It was chaos in the best possible way. 

I can't get over this picture. I also hope you appreciate the accidental color scheme of the Twizzlers, hot dogs, ketchup, tablecloth, and marshmallows for s'mores. We went SUPER sophisticated with this one. ;)

We're lucky to have a lot of fun friends all of our ages. Good work, Idaho. 

And then the Huck in his mercy declared, LET THERE BE COTTON CANDY.

And so there was.

And he saw that it was good.

Happy Birthday, baby.

And thus we conclude Holbrook Birthday Season 2015 and declare it COMPLETE. 

ORCHARDS AND PUMPKINS AND SCENES FROM THE PALOUSE

photos from a birthday weekend spent picking apples at the wsu orchards, sprinkled in with a whole lot of nonsense, is about to happen in this post. are you ready?

this is the view of our house from inside the coop. lucky girls. 

I am happy to report that I am a new mama eight times over. Four hennies in the coop out back, and four chickies in the brooder in the basement. Yikes. I absolutely love it. As of now my ladies are finally clucking happily in their coop again after I (stupidly) let them out (way too soon) the other day for ranging and then had to usher them back up into the coop before nightfall the hard way. With a fishing net. 

My ladies are STUPID. Or else stubborn. Oh my gosh I just love them to pieces. 

The other day Linda gave me her very first egg. It was on the day when she was being the biggest turkey ever. I thanked her profusely, because that is the kind of thing I take very seriously. A woman's ovulatory output is a gift and not to be taken lightly. It felt like a "Hey, I like you! I don't hate it here!" greeting card from Miss Lonely Linda just for me. Of course it's Linda's egg. OF COURSE. Linda is the stubbornest. There's got to be a correlation. On the days she's allowed outside to range she immediately roosts up in the lilac tree behind the canning shed and she DOES NOT BUDGE. You can reach up there with the back end of a broom and poke her rudely in her bum and she does not care. It's all sneak attack grabs at her thighs with Linda and then she gives you THE LOOK as you carry her home. The rest I can catch with the net, after cornering them between the juniper shrub and the rose bushes, but Linda. Linda makes you work for it.

The guy at Tri-State was really fantastic when I went to buy that fishing net. Here's this dumb girl in the fishing aisle, worrying about net thread count or whatever because heaven forbid I trap my ladies with synthetic netting material, and the dude goes, "Goin' fishin'??" like it was the last thing on earth I would be doing (well, it is) and then I said, "Yes, I am. For chickens." He laughed and shook his head and backed away slowly, and there I was left to ponder whether I wanted a wood handled fishing net or aluminum? And then I drove through the McDonald's on the way home for a Diet Dr Pepper and got to reenact that exact conversation with another guy, the drive through window guy, because the net was too long to fit in the trunk so it was angled next to me through the passenger seat and he was like, "Here's your soda, uhhh, nice fishing net?" 

I was afraid that I had traumatized the poor ladies with that fishing net but ironically enough, every time I've had to play chicken hockey I've been rewarded the following day with a big fat egg. So, I mean . . . chickens, man.

Earl the Squirrel was outside running laps this morning across the top of our crooked old fence, back and forth from his oak tree at the edge of the lawn to some pot of acorn gold near the front that he must have discovered. I'm not normally one to name my backyard squirrels or anything, but this guy is just the funniest dude, you'd have done it, too.  

I love to watch Earl in the mornings. He is very intense about things. Occasionally he'll stop at the window and I'll glance in his direction from the work table in the kitchen and we'll have ourselves a real moment. That Earl is a soulful old dude. He knows what's cookin'. He scrambles so loudly with his nails against the wood as he goes back and forth in his duties that it's hard not to feel he's become a necessary fixture in our morning routine. "Hey, Earl," Huck says to the window when he comes into the kitchen for a waffle. He looks like he's in pretty good shape for the winter, that Earl; he's got his beady little eyes on the prize. 

I think my favorite thing about Idaho that my penchant for romanticizing the stupidest things gets fed out here like a king. ;)

Please to appreciate Huck's Lloyd Christmas hair. (I kind of miss the swoosh.) (But seriously is he not the cutest thing or what, crap.)

Giant sunflower meets giant sunflower seed addict, begets much pondering on the meaning of life, et cetera. ;)

The WSU orchards are open for the next weekend or so, if you're in the area you should definitely plan to spend a few hours there before the season ends. 

And there goes Earl again. He has easily been back and forth with at least 6 acorns since I sat down here just now.

I worry when I write posts lately that I might sound sad. This is a funny, funky time in the life of Ye Olde Natalie, and I'm not sad, per se, but I'm definitely feeling things. (And starting Clomid again soon, so, you know. WATCH OUT. ;)

I'm still figuring out how I feel about Idaho Round Two. You know, life in Idaho the first time around was marked with a whole lot of sadness, and that old sadness scared me when we first made plans to come back. I didn't know if it would find me again. But New York changed me more than I realized. The stress of my life in the city--the people, the keeping up, the competition, the games--it was a lot, and now that it's gone, it's noticeable.  It takes a certain kind of person to thrive in that environment, and while I loved it there--oh I loved the city--I definitely don't think anyone could ever accuse me of having thrived there. It wasn't a perfect fit. Dressing for the angles of a stressed out version of me was fun though, I admit. Clothes fit worried Natalie different than they fit healthy Natalie, and I embraced it as best I could, but I was hard and I was uptight and I was worried all of the time. Now I sometimes feel waylaid a little, but I never feel that New York edge, and I am so grateful to see it gone. I'm dressing for the softer me again, literally and metaphorically. It's good. It's an adjustment. It's hard for me, because this is my limitation right now in my life, but I'm happy. Sorting through things, yes, getting myself prepared for another round of fertility treatments, yes--another round of exposing my vulnerable hopes to the harsh air of possible failure--but I'm welcoming it. The different ways I experience myself and my life out here has been both melancholy and sweet. And the different decisions New York pushed me to make have made this time in Idaho so much better, so much easier, so much more whole. New York stretched me hard and fast and put me through the wringer, but it's made Moscow me a better Moscow me, and for that I'm so thankful.

And I guess I want to say for those following along, and for those especially who are maybe on a similar plot line as me, trying to navigate new-old changes and not sure how to label these feelings that swoop in and out when things get upended: I like it. I'm good. I am whole and I am raw and I am experiencing it all. And I'm in it for keeps.

There is no looking back.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRANDON!!

For you dear Beeblies, on this, your 38th birthday: 

THIRTY-EIGHT THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU

01 / your beautiful smile

02 / the way your eyes crinkle at the corners

03 / that you are the best father in the world to our baby

04 / the way you sings off keyyyyyy

05 / your cute little butt

06 / how responsible you are and how hard you work to take care of our family 

07 / the way you look when you're grading exams (hot!!!!)

08 / your collection of dude bracelets from college (wear one tonight?)

09 / when you and huck laugh together at cartoons in your matching donkey wheeze chuckles

10 / how kind you are to others

11 / how consistently conservative you are, you right-wing weirdo! ;)

12 / i have always loved your slanted little penmanship

13 / you write the most beautiful notes in birthday + anniversary cards - always the poet in tax attorney's clothing

14 / the way you look with huck on your shoulders. sexayyyyy

15 / how goofy you get around babies!!!

16 / your beautiful arm hair ;)

17 / your freckles! like copper rain smatters.

18 / i love it when you make dinner and it is this explosion of spices and flavors and how creative you get

19 / i love the children's stories you make up about huck

20 / i like it when you say "you're up!" at bedtime when you're finished reading to huck and huck is ready to snuggle with me (ultimate bedtime tag team)

21 / i love the way you talk with your hands, especially when you're driving

22 / i love how measured and calm and thoughtful you are, so long as things aren't hectic.

23 / i love how you freak out immediately when things get nutty, because it is the only time *i* get to be the calm and measured one, and sometimes that's fun

24 / i love the way you love our families. you are a wonderful son AND son-in-law, a great brother, a fantastic uncle, and a super solid brother-in-law

25 / i love to see how much my baby brother looks up to you

26 / i love how you drive suzy-q-two in her lower gears for maybe too long ;)

27 / i love all of the adventures you've taken me on! paris! venice! provo! lake oswego! brooklyn! idaho! brooklyn again!! idaho again!!!

28 / i love that crazy red beard

29 / and i love how handsome you look with your graying temples. cinnamon + sugar, baby

30 / i love the way you laugh, even at me :) especially at me! 

31 / i love our weird shared sense of humor. remember when we went to see napoleon dynamite in theatres and we laughed so hard we almost gave ourselves a hernia?

32 / i love the way everything you touch is so precise. that fence over on mountain view . . . your super sexy excel spreadsheets . . . 

33 / i love it when you triple check the tip after dinner

34 / and i love it that you are so generous with waiters. even really bad ones

35 / i love picturing you in high school, this super cool guy, all athletic and stuff. the coolest boy in high school married ME! what was he thinking??

36 / i love the way you take care of me and huck

37 / i love working on a second baby with you ;)

38 / i love that we have the rest of our lives to be together, to figure each other out, to get this marriage thing right, and then just when it's perfect i'll get alzheimer's and forget who you are

Taduh!! 

I'm grateful for you every stinking day, Professor Holbrook. Thanks for being born. I like this funny life we keep on bungling up together. :) 

Happy birthday, Noodles.

(With that, I officially declare Holbrook Birthday Season 2015 to be on like Donkey Kong. Hit it!)

HUCK TURNS FOUR!

Oh, stop it, Huck!

Huck has the honorable distinction of having been born a Halloween baby, and as such will always have a fall-back plan in place for all his future birthday parties in case he runs out of ideas for the rest of his natural born life. :) Kid, you are welcome for that!

Having a four-year-old is a total kick in the pants. There's a lot of reverse psychology happening here, a lot of negotiation, a fair bit of misdirection, and a lot of in-advance strategizing. There's a certain song and dance about planning a four-year-old's birthday party. You have to ask just the right questions. If you make things too open-ended, pretty soon you've lost the ship. Mutiny! Anarchy! Mom overboard! Keep it to yes/no questions. Simple and/or decisions. Reward decisions that make party decorations fun with candy, and gratuitously. :)

As of six months ago, Huck was sure he wanted a second penguin party. I was a bit skeptical, of course. Six months from now he could be an entirely different person! Not to mention possibly five feet taller! Because six months to a kid is, like, a decade in dog years. Pretty soon Huck had decided he wanted a zebra party. Which is pretty much the same thing as a penguin party from the perspective of streamer selection. Huck had just made friends with a small plastic zebra named Maze and they'd become mostly inseparable. I don't know if they had a falling out or whatever, but a few weeks later he announced that he wanted a Chuck E. Cheese party instead. At first I was like, Child. But then I got really behind the idea. Total throwback, am I right? We were all super into it. Also this: "I won't have to do anything!" But of course, any parent of an almost-four-year-old knows not to take any request seriously unless it comes at zero hour, the hour at which there is no time for backing out, because all four-year-olds, given the option, will change their minds at the very last minute, just to make you scramble, and because there are no points for effort here you better be ready to make it happen! After all, a poorly executed party is far and away better than a Pinterest-worthy set up on a theme he got bored of five minutes ago. :)

I don't know, I like four-year-olds. I get it. I feel like four-year-olds and I might have a lot in common. Maturity levels or something. :)   

At zero-zero hour Huck decided he wanted a Halloween party instead, complete with Halloween costumes and Halloween candy, and balloons. And celery (?). Luckily we'd invited all his classmates at preschool to start the party here at Huck's house, just in case of just such a thing. So, flexibility! Only way to do it. :)

PS--Huck did his own lettering on his birthday banner. Can you get over that? Stud.

We finally got to employ the piñata we'd had sitting around in the kitchen for the past few months (that's a long story). 

After some last minute waffling, Huck settled on attending his party as the Pink Power Ranger. 

(For the real deal, Huck switched ninja gears and decided to go as a Ninja Turtle.) 

(You'll like that link, promise. Click on it.) 

Working on a zero-hour schedule, we did a quick Devil's food cake, decorated with glow in the dark fangs and squishy eyeballs (all from Target!), and topped off with four birthday candles propped up by four plastic skeletons. Some toy bugs strewn about for whatever, and taduh! 

The spiders on the cake were Brandon's idea. Brandon has a knack for finding theeeee perfect finishing touches for things, and these spiders were just the trick. (I almost wrote, "and these spiders took the cake!" But look, Steve.)

(We had to prop the eyeballs up on toothpicks--these were squishy eyeballs, not sticky eyeballs. Also, not edible eyeballs. I learned that one the hard way. And then made sure to warn the kids while cutting the cake after the birthday song, "THE EYEBALLS DO NOT TASTE GOOD, KIDS. DON'T DO IT.")

Now. Will you look at this.

Ah geez, Huck. 

I am not kidding here with this bit. I later asked Huck what he wished for, and he said he wanted a ninja sword, and a baby sister. Clearly I'm biased here, but you guys, this kid is such a dreamboat.

(Should he have wished for a hairbrush for his mom while he was at it? ;)

Now, four-year-olds and piñatas . . .

Bingo.

After the piñata was burst and the last of the candy had been collected, we all spilled outside to enjoy the gorgeously sunny fall afternoon at the playground up the street. And then we went home to recycle the pizza boxes. And maybe take a nap. :)

There was this moment during the party when Huck was blowing out his candles that I keep coming back to. All of Huck's friends and all of Huck's friends' parents were all huddled together around the dinner table waiting expectantly, our hands frozen in place and ready to cheer, just waiting for that last little flame to disappear into tiny wisps of smoke before erupting into applause. We were making that kind of halting "ah!--oh!--" noise as Huck blew and blew and blew into that last burning candle, and just as the flame finally went out, and just as Huck stood up tall and threw his arms in the air in triumph, out came this explosion of voices and clapping and noises, all these friends, all these kids and these grown ups, all so genuinely caring and loving and supportive of my baby, of my family . . .  it was just such a moment of real, shared joy, and tears sprung into my eyes and I realized again, just like I do every day because of mostly silly things, how we have it pretty dang good over here, and we are so so fulfilled. Because of this boy. 

My boy is just the loveliest. Huck is a magnet for every good thing in orbit in this universe. He brings all the best things with him where ever he goes. He is the light of my life, I tell you. He is such a pleasure and such a gift. I am grateful for him every day. What a seriously cool person I gave birth to. 

Happy Birthday, Huck! FOUR!!!! I sure do love you to bits.

Love, 

Your Mom

(Love your mom!)

(☝︎Inside Juliemom joke.)

*Every year for Huck's birthday we do a little recording of his lullaby, Moon River.*

(You can see a few previous years here and here, and some of the story behind it here.)

(We plan to have a really great compilation of videos put together by the time he turns 18. (SOB!))

This year we had a little help from Mindy Gledhill!

Classes things up a bit huh? :)

A quick bonus track, Anchor, my very favorite Mindy song of ever, live from our roof!

Whew! The end. 

Thanks, Minds! We love you!!

p.s. Statue of Liberty on Mindy's right, Freedom Tower on her left.

And the lovely Joe Corcoran on guitar, too. :)