HEY NATALIE JEAN + LEVI'S // WHAT MOVES ME

i'm thrilled to be working with marie claire to help promote station to station, a public art project made possible by levi's and the levi's make our mark project. station to station: a nomadic happening is a traveling art installation connecting musicians, artists, and creative pioneers to raise funds through ticket sales to support non-traditional programming and exhibitions at seven partner museums across the country, including the MoMA PS1 here in queens, the SFMOMA in san francisco, and the LACMA in los angeles. some of the artists and creatives involved include charlotte gainsbourg, chef alice waters, and the edible schoolyard project. you can read more about this creative endeavor HERE, at make our mark project. 

for my part i was asked to style a few pieces from the levi's heritage collection, and to share a little bit about what moves me.

i am a woman who is moved by much. oh, i have me some passions. my passions have passions; passion babies that multiply like jackrabbits. my heart is easily dispatched. to things, to people, to places or ideas, to everywhere. all over the place. i care deeply, and quickly. i love hard and i trust fast, which can often leave my heart exposed to the elements. more than once i've given my heart to the wrong person, and more than lots i am too vulnerable, too available, too quick to be opened, too difficult to be closed. it happens. it's okay. 

people with restraint are intriguing to me. how do they do that? i'm fascinated by people who seem guarded and careful. i am never careful. but i am always ready. in the end i've found that the love i am giving away is nearly always worth the love that comes back, when it comes back. because when it does, it comes back good.

what moves me is love. my heart is big and it is raw, and when it has something to love and care for is when all of the rest of me makes sense, and when i am at my best. my big stupid heart can be a pain in the butt sometimes, but as i've gotten older i've become more convinced that it was planted inside this chest of mine with pretty good reason. i'd rather be moved by love. that much i know for sure.

this post was sponsored by marie claire. thank you as always for supporting this blog and the companies that support our family.

p.s. on me:

biltmore for madewell hat (old, similar here)

western chambray c/o levi's

play dress c/o sonnet james

mini cowboy boots c/o levi's

american apparel bag

another feather rings

brvtvs bracelet

on huck:

mimi and maximus tee c/o cute attack

zara kids jeans

saltwater sandals

LATELY I'M FEELING // SWEATSHIRTS

one || two|| three || four || five || six || seven

it's like the air cooled down and suddenly all i can think about are sweatshirts. sweatshirts sweatshirts sweatshirts. gray sweatshirts. with raglan sleeves. there are zero embellishments allowed here. well, that little v stitched at the collar, that's kosher. (you know, a good stitched v is hard to come by.) i like to wear mine with the sleeves rolled haphazardly to about bracelet length, and now you know!

i put this little board together inspired by this outfit i wore the other day. you know how when you feel really great in something and it causes all of the atoms on the earth to align for you? your life on this planet suddenly makes sense and the secrets of the universe open. and you're not afraid to walk into bloomingdales that day because you don't feel like they're going to automatically know you don't belong there and give you funny looks.

maybe that's just me. 

i guess this fall is turning out to be a tomboy fall for me. i don't want anything colorful, i don't want anything pretty. i just want dark polish on my toes, super minimal jewelry, the kind of shoes you can kick some ass in, and a really great, simple leather bag. monogrammed. 

TEN DATES // 02 A BROADWAY SHOW

make that an off broadway show.

we'd been meaning to see peter and the starcatcher on broadway for-everrrr. we have such soft spots for the boy who wouldn't grow up, and when we saw that a peter and the starcatcher date was available through HowAboutWe, our new sponsors, we jumped at the chance to finally see it. 

it's no longer on broadway, it's now off broadway at the new world stages, which is probably THE raddest venue i've ever seen. it's literally a multiplex . . . for plays. five shows going on all at once. it felt like such a uniquely new york experience down there.

the show itself is wonderful. i have a pretty low tolerance for broadway musicals--my secondhand-cringe gene is hyperactive--but this one blew me away. the bursting into song was minimal and well-used and the performances were all amazing and seriously. we ate the whole thing up. i haven't heard brandon laugh that hard in months.

so . . . we took a lot of photos in the lobby area during intermission. nights out just the two of us are so rare that we kind of get a little goofy pretty much right away. this has been such a huge blessing, getting to reconnect with that redheaded stinker of mine, so i will happily subject you to ALL of the stupid photos we took together. 

of course you should never take photos inside of a theatre, especially not of the stage . . . which means that as a cardholding ornery person i am contractually obligated to take at least one photo while inside anyway. so, here is that.

this post was sponsored by HowAboutWe, who have a special promo for new members in nyc. sign up for a new membership before 10/31 and get a free 3-hour cleaning from Get Maid. (having your house cleaned for you while you're out on a date? genius.) applies to new members only. Get Maid is available everywhere in manhattan and select areas of brooklyn and queens. click HERE for details.

p.s. on me

h&m shirt (a few years old)

madewell high riser skinny jeans

bass weejuns

bag c/o halston

OCTOBER 02 // BIRTHDAY REPORT

two days in now and 31 feels really solid. i'm liking this. i think 31 might be my favorite. 

i met brandon for dinner at the breslin inside the ace hotel. we ordered a hilarious number of dishes. (get the heirloom tomato salad if it's in season. holy!) we walked all the way home and talked about a million things. and then i ended the night the proud owner of THREE leather jackets (brandon holbrook wins the "most generous husband" lifetime award), a "cake" made of doughnut plant crème brûlées, and a giant-sized scented candle, perfect for giant-sized scented wishes.

(also, birthday nookie.)

henry thought it was his birthday all night long and was positively delighted with himself. he demolished a whole doughnut by himself and seemed pretty pleased with things.

and now i have some leather jacket decisions to make how fun is THAT.

my little brother checked into the MTC for his two-year church mission about halfway through the day and i got to facetime with him during his last hours as a free man while i walked up amsterdam on my way to meet a girlfriend for tacos. it was heartbreaking and sweet to see my little brother get all teary-eyed on the day he starts his mission, dressed all spiffy in his missionary suit and looking like my sweet baby brother and a big grown man all at once. the sweetest part of the day for sure. 

things feel good and simple and my world is positively stuffed with love, and that's just exactly how i figure 31 should feel. i count myself the luckiest. 

and thus concludes the natalie holbrook portion of birthday season.

NATALIE JEAN AT 31, A STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS

i'm gonna come clean with it. this year has not been my favorite. this year is completely kicking my trash.

2013, you are a piece of work!

it's been so many things tied together that it's hard to know where one ends and the other begins. anxiety, primarily. mostly hormonal anxiety, and it's not an exaggeration when i say i haven't gone a day this year without feeling actually and truly physically lousy from it. brandon had some health troubles over the summer that scared me down to my toes (he's perfectly fine now, thankfully!), and then there were a few relationships in my life that i thought should be important but that were actually completely unnecessary. i still shake my head when i think about how long it took me to see that situation clearly, and all the mistakes i made along the way. but i'm finding every day that the anxiety gets easier and smaller, and while i'm not on the outside yet, i can see the outside from here. the distance left isn't far. this is a story with a happy ending.

so, yes. 2013 has been junky, and 30 has been a year of personal growth the hard way. 

but this has also been a good year; a necessary year. maybe the more stubborn among us have to be taught the real good and important things in the hardest ways possible. i'm so much better now than i was last year, in all the ways there are to be better. i see things clearer, i feel things more honestly, i communicate better with the people i love, and the people that i love i love now more fiercely than ever. i've cut out the negativity in my life, both online and not (but especially online--seven months sober! someone hand me a chip!). i've ruthlessly purged clutter, both from my home and from my soul. i am paring down the bullshit and what is left of me at the end of this is turning out to be a pretty flipping spectacular lady. i am proud of who i'm becoming. i like her. and i'm grateful that someone out there wants me to be better, even if their methods are maybe a little harsh (i'm talking to you, god). i can see all of the layers of me that i've shed. they were layers that were fine, really, but layers i'm happy to be rid of nonetheless. 

being 30 has been good. real good. in case anyone is worried about turning 30, don't be! being 30 is great. being 30 has finally given me the courage to say screw it: to the things that aren't worth my time, to the feelings that aren't worth my time, to the people that aren't worth my time. the year i turned 30 was the year i finally learned to say "what you think of me might not matter." which has been huge for me! i'm finally learning that pleasing others is not the ultimate reward. and thank flipping heavens, because what an epically stupid way to live a life.

until this year, 2009 was my hardest year. my body failed me that year, over and over and over, and idaho in the winter, maaaan . . .  2009 was not an easy year to be married to brandon holbrook either, grad student of the century, especially when he graduated and there suddenly weren't any jobs anywhere. peter pan got really sick and needed emergency surgery . . . but then there's that saying about the sky becoming its darkest before the dawn. i always struggle with sayings that are supposed to make people feel better about things, they just make me grouchy, but here is the thing.

in 2010, after the hardest, bleakest, most painfully hopeless and frustrating year i can remember, in 2010 i got pregnant. and that kicked into motion three of the most blissfully perfect years of my life. moving back to the city. selling that blasted house just in the nick of time. husbands finding gainful employment. and hells bells that henry holbrook. being huck's mom has turned out to be everything in life i ever dreamed. 

and so. 

i just feel really good about 31, is what it is. i really, really do.