4.26.2010

Please Let My Boobs Not Get Any Bigger, Amen



Will you just look at my lilacs for the love of all that is holy?

On Friday I turned my brain back on

First, imagine to yourself that it is February. When you think of February do you think of gloom and depression? If so, I am so sorry to make you think of it again. When I think of February I think of this:


And wasn't that fun? February, you have been promoted.

Right, so, it is February. You're there? Do you need some cocoa? It is probably all gross outside. Now picture that you are me. Bear with me please. You are me, it is February, you are up the stick, and all of the sudden you can't stay awake, like, at all. 

One day I found myself on my couch, staring at the ceiling, lost in deep thought. On the one hand I was feeling awfully frustrated. The dishes hadn't been done in days. The house was a mess. All I wanted to want to do was get up and get things done, but all I really wanted to do was eat a bagel and fall asleep. The gravitational pull from the couch to my bones was crazy.

Only but also, I was pregnant! AS IF I was going to be that pregnant woman whining on the couch.

So it was that kind of argument in my brain.

So I shook myself by the shoulders and I said, "Snap out of it, cheese!" And then I decided that I would just turn my brain off instead. Because have you ever tried to snap out of anything while pregnant and freakishly tired? There's no snapping anymore. Like, nothing snaps.

Everything dra-a-a-a-a-ags.

All of this to say, on Friday I realized that I could safely turn my brain back on because on Friday I felt like I wanted to do stuff. And go places! And didn't feel like dying even once. (Maybe just once.) 

And also it was like, When did it turn spring outside? What month is this, anyway?

So first I took my burrito bump on a run. 

Then I made curry for dinner. I was on a roll!

Then we got a call that the realtor had someone to show our house to the next day, which meant we had to CLEAN. This did not make me want to cry. It made me go, OKAY!

(That is a total lie. It made me go, AW CRAP, because who likes to clean their house on a Friday night? (Maybe your mom?) But I went on to live through it, is the good news.) (Also I had hot dogs for dinner which increased my mood exponentially.) (EXPONENTIALLY)

On Saturday we attended a party. While there I entertained some strange older gentleman. We sat there over lemon cupcakes discussing life on the East Coast and being dog parents versus human parents and then out of nowhere he said to Brandon, "Careful, this one's high maintenance!"

Isn't that so strange? 

Later that evening Brandon did a manly a pull up in our hostess's doorway. Can you imagine if I'd have missed that?

MORE: On Sunday I gave a lesson on The Holy Ghost, conned the Ward Secretary out of a piece of candy, and I even sat patiently through the longest closing prayer ever given in Sacrament Meeting in the history of LIFE AS WE KNOW IT.

These things are all major triumphs in my life as of late.

26 comments :

  1. Natalie, you are the funniest girl. But hang on, first, was Anonymous from the last post comments actually the Holbs? Because if so that is just too funny for words. He was totally getting berated by the readers. Be careful, husband-of-the-rat, uber loyal Nat fans here. Hehehe.

    Second of all, I know EXACTLY what you mean. Except swap February for January. But also February. You know? So, welcome back! It's a wonderful feeling.

    Unfortunately, re your topic... I'm afraid there is little chance of that prayer being answered. I mean, I could be wrong. But I'm fairly confident in my not-wrongness. Sorry. :(

    So, did the dudes like the house?

    ReplyDelete
  2. We welcome the brain back, of course, but have enjoyed the journey to the couch and back too.

    Was it really the Holbs. If it was that is tooooo funny. Meanie! My Kel would do the same thing if he felt like a laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Holbs!?...No...Never.

    Brain On...Brain Off...it's all good Nat. Glad you are up and about.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hahaha, you are so funny. Every time I read your blog (lately), I just want to yell, "CONGRATULATIONS!" :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nat! That was the Holbs? I hope you beat him up a little bit. I hope that the peeps liked the house!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Amazing! Well done Holbs! And yay for brain on! My brain is off and I'm not even pregnant. Fancy sending a little energy my way? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, I remember hitting the second trimester and feeling (almost) human again! Glad your brain is back on, enjoy it before "baby-brain" and "momnesia" take over! :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Welcome back, I suppose! (Although, let it be known, I loved all your "brainless" posts as well. 'Cause you're just cool like that...)

    I'm glad that thoughts of February conjur up magnificent memories (or at least one...the one where you discovered yourself fertilized and preggers: YIPPEE!) Feb was one of the worst months of my life...so I'm glad it's over and out (and onto May!).

    Oh, but isn't spring fantastic?

    ReplyDelete
  9. I gave the shortest closing prayer in Sacrament Meeting probably in the life of my ward this last Sunday.

    Arencha proud of me?

    PS: we have a restaurant called Fuzzy's Tacos here. I loved it when right before it opened it read in a huge a banner above the restaurant:

    Coming Soon: Fuzzy Tacos.

    Uh hmmmm.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Boobs are overrated. And yes, they WILL get bigger. And then smaller, after all is said and done. Smaller and sadder, somehow. It's truly depressing. Ha ha...depressing. Like, literally AND figuratively. Boo on boobs.

    Tee hee...fuzzy tacos. HA HA HA HA HA!!! That's about as much fun as living in Corvallis (home of the Oregon State Beavers). Our favorite part was driving past the car wash decorated in ads like "Get Your Beaver Waxed Here!!!" Awesome. Truly awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Congrats on getting your brain back! I know what that feels like - EES da BEST! But if you love hotdogs you MUST MUST MUST each Hebrew National Hotdogs! No, this isn't an ad, this is me being deadly serious. 100% beef brisket, and the calories make it count. They do have a fat free version, but not half as good as that juicy sizzle over a campfire. Trust me. You will thank me - er, burrito bump will thank me. And Holbs, naughty Holbs, take a lesson from my hubby, who just the other night BEGGED me to come upstairs and fold laundry. I said, "NO!"

    "Please, just ten minutes?"

    "No!"

    "Many hands make light work!"

    "Fine, but you only get five."

    And then I turned on the timer. :D But see, no naughty messages on MY blog!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Holbs here. No, I did't post the mean anon comment. I am certainly not the perfect husband, but I at least no better than that! I did however tell Nat that I understood a bit what the guy was talking about. After all, the blog did take a bit of a detour. But we're having a baby for heavens sake - that's a worthy detour!! I am looking forward to this "brain on" thing that she's talking about. She's a sweetie.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Glad to hear you're feeling better. I felt like death for most of my pregnancy. Enjoy the land of the living and the extra energy. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. In response to Holbs' comment may I just say... Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

    And secondly, I was feeling all Monday-ish and gloomy and hormonal and pathetic today... until I read your blog. And it made me laugh. Because you usually do. Honestly, I never noticed your brain was "off." I still looked forward to each and every post.

    PS... From what I hear the boobs will grow more and then shrink and then sag. So we "barely there" girls should be thankful for our smallness because - once they shrink again - they certainly won't have very far to fall. :) Think positive.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Although it's nice to see you writing about something again...I remember back when you HAD a job and you wrote about how you just couldn't work there anymore. I could take a look at your archives but I think it had something to do with the comments made by the men. Don't you think that your occasional topics and comments would contradict that?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Happy that your brain is back on! Although I liked the other posts as well.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I like to time long prayers. I also like to time those who give lengthy commentary in S.S. and R.S. It helps pass the time...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Nat, I have enjoyed your blog since Blog of Note, and I read all your posts. Anonymous comments have been left on my blog too, and they were always critical. I say, 'who cares what your comment says if you don't even have the guts to sign your name, right?' You with me on this?

    ReplyDelete
  19. When I think of February, I think it's a good thing it's the shortest month of the whole year, else I may be tempted to bite my wrists to kill myself. Also Anon is a big jerk and is just jealous that
    a)you're way cooler than him/her
    b)you're pregnant for all pickles and peanut butter's sake! and
    c)he/she is lame and your blog is better

    ReplyDelete
  20. Lovely for you! I never got to the point where I didn't feel exhausted and ready to cry. I'm hoping my next pregnancy will be less exhausting.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Glad you're gettin back into it, though you're really just as funny and smart and and well-spoken (written?) when you're out of it. And LOOK! The Holbs commented!! That's like a virtual interruption of the ladies' tea party/rose group/book club/etc.

    ReplyDelete
  22. LOL Nat, you make me happy with your writing wit! I'm glad your brain turned back on, and that you went running, and that the Holbs isn't quite that mean. ; )

    Happy Spring!

    ReplyDelete
  23. I think reading your blog is always delightful!

    ReplyDelete
  24. I am totally with you on the off-and-on brain syndrome. Glad you're back on! Enjoy it!

    I certainly do.

    (Enjoy your on-brain blogging, that is.)

    (Also, I always comment first, and then go back and read others' comments, so I didn't read Anon's comment to you yesterday until after I had commented. You cracked me up just now when you hinted that The Holbs was Anon. That was awesome!)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Love the renewed energy! But brain or no brain your posts make my day.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Schady LadyApril 27, 2010

    Love this post! I too recently became pregnant (after trying for a long time, though not as long as you, congrats again) and could not find the energy to do...well, anything! But I've been feeling better lately and am glad that you are too!

    ReplyDelete

Comments are moderated because mama ain't no fool.