Group Healing

It turns out I have a fatal flaw. Could it be true you are asking yourself? I know, it caught me by surprise as well. In a startling turn of events, it seems I am basically a third grader.

I made this discovery today while I was communing with some llamas.  Oprah and Uma, is what I call them. They live just down the block from me and have quite the dramatic tuft of hair on their heads.

There used to be a Lucille, only now she is mysteriously gone. What happened to Lucille?

Before long those frizzy tufts of hair were inspiring some serious reflection. Llamas are such spiritual guides, I've always thought. The llamas and I believe that I may be suffering from emotional overexposure. Too often I walk around with my whole self completely exposed, right on my skin, like a layer of powdered sugar. My emotions just blow right off my arms in whatever direction the wind takes me, scattering myself all over everyone. Right into your face. Some people don't want powdered sugar in their faces, is the shocking truth.

I have a theory about this. I have a theory that possibly it is our greatest strengths that turn out to be our biggest weaknesses. So today the llamas and I discussed various ways for me to strike the right balance between who God created me to be, and someone who needlessly puts herself in vulnerable places.

Nothing conclusive yet, though I do have another appointment with the llamas tomorrow. What can I say? They are very bossy.


  1. I too am covered in powdered sugar (what a great analogy!) and a few years ago decided to try and rein myself in because the rejection of my sugary goodness got too crushing. However, after many long discussions with my house llama (husband)I decided not to hide my light under a bushell. Remember, for all of those peeps out there for whom the sugar is too much, there are many more who have a sweet tooth and can't get enough of you.

    My llama also gave me this little piece of advice and when my exuberance draws a cold look or a scathing comment his wise voice echos in my head: Don't cast your pearls before swine. I think that this is the key to striking the balance - keep your powdery goodness for those who truly appreciate it and deserve it.

  2. There are those who don't want us to be who we are, Nat, and everyone here loves who you are, so keep on being you! As far as your friend - er, almost friend, I recently had what I thought was a very good friend kind of toss my values under the bus, and me along with them. It was really hard. Still, she did try to fix it after the fact, which I didn't want anything to do with, but we all should have many different girl-friends that we hold for many different reasons. Trust is a rare commodity in my world, and it's really hard to regain, but then I can always friend her in a less trusting way and keep the relationship. Anyway, didn't mean to share my drama with you. Hang in there, oh powdered doughnut. Just remind people to not inhale when they take a bite if they haven't already figured it out for themselves! ;D

  3. My superpower/kryptonite... what a thought-provoking question. It will need further processing.

    But I want to say now that your powdered sugar analogy was perfect.

  4. My superpower is being organized and on top of things - ALL THINGS. The downfall, as you so aptly point out, is that being on top of everyone's activities and schedules and being there for everything, is that it Annoys people (with a capital A), and doesn't allow others to develop those skills themselves. So like you, I try to keep myself reined in - and have been trying desperately to not step in and "help" when I see things going downhill. And learning not to say "I told you so" at the same time.

    Also like you - I wear my emotions on my sleeve. No poker for me either.

  5. My personal brand of heroin would be theater and inspiring people. My kryptonite would definetely have to go along your same lines, too many emotions. I'm way too sensitive sometimes. I think your blog is awesome, you're going through a lot right now so it's okay-life gets the best of us sometimes and I wish you happy tidings in your future.

    All I want to know is,

    WHERE IS LUCILLE!?!?! ;)

  6. This may cheer you up; I live in a tiny town that has been taken over by llamas and alpaca. Our biggest town event is something called the Poop-A-Palooza where they sell llama poop and on good years the center of town is taken over by llamas.

    I'm more like kindergarten sparkly brain. I'm not the type to show my emotions but I have a free spirit that can come off as being immature or super dorkish. Being young, looking even younger and having a baby with so many problems has made me found my balance. I'm learning when and where I need to be very adult like and when I can be my true self. But I agree it's very boring to not be yourself/grown up.
    In other words I would survive by being secret friends with the polar bear.

  7. I'll never be fully mature...but then again I am going to be the most rockin funniest, spunkiest and cutest old lady in about thirty years. Come to think of it, that is not that far away seeing as I will be half-way there in a few more months.

  8. Nat....awesome post,what a great analogy! Love it!
    As to the source of my astounding super powers? Why I would have to say a steady flow of chocolate! Screwed up...and to think of the fun you will have with all those rinses???Pink, purple...

  9. Sorry your powdered sugar was brushed off so rudely- that always sucks, but especially when you think you've found a kindred spirit of the friendship type.

    My kryptonite- gossip. I hate it. it's mean and rude. I cannot exist in a room where it's being flung- and usually flight instead of fight. Maybe one day I'll get some big girl pants, put them on and say something.

  10. . . . I may be one of those people who aren't overly thrilled about other peoples powdered sugar in my face all the time.

    But I'm not rude about it. I swear! I try and be supportive and understanding, but mostly it confuses me. Because, you see, my superpower . . . .

    My brain has about 98% control over my emotions. I can usually decide myself out of a bad mood in 15 minutes or less. I can remain level-headed and hold my tongue through just about anything. And it's near impossible to offend me. So it's hard for me to understand why people give so much of their power away to other people and outside forces.

    But my kryptonite is . . . once you DO offend or hurt me . . . you're pretty much done. I find it almost impossible to forgive. (I'm working on it.)

  11. First of all, and I certainly feel like a dork for knowing this, llamas are actually realistically used as therapy animals sometimes - like dolphins. My mom's friend used to have a few llamas and she would train them and take them to retirement homes or wherever to give the residents' "therapy" time. I think mostly its because llamas are so lovable.

    Anyway, you are an awesome person Nat (for what we in the blog world know about you.) Your sparkle is what makes us smile. Don't lose that light. It's brilliant!

    I, too, am someone who always puts herself in vulnerable positions. I fall in love with everything and everyone. It's rather pathetic actually, and definitely hard to deal with sometimes. But it's also fun. I've learned in the past few years that it is why most people like my company. And for the few who can't handle the sparkle, I just tone it down slightly for them and we manage to get along for short intervals of time.

    Good luck! :)

  12. Oh this is funny! I'd have to say I've fallen to the same demise as you! I feel your pain.

  13. I'm shocked, really. Shocked. And dismayed. That you--YOU, of all people--have suffered rejection! I mean...what the aych isn't there to like? (I think third graders are very loveable. And also, I'm like unto a third grader myself, if I go with your powdered-sugar thing.) I pretty much think the best of everyone, and I'm utterly devastated when I find out otherwise. It cuts me deeply, you see...

    DangGina's superpower is: I'm a champ at being teased! It's true! After growing up with 4 brothers who mercilessly teased me (perhaps after initial scarring and whatnot), it turns out I can take teasing like a champ. People who dont' even KNOW me come up to me and lay it if there's some beacon pulsating from my soul. At the same time, teasing is also my kryptonite. If that doesn't make sense, hold right on, I'm getting there. I take teasing like a champ, and I actually adore being teased. On the other hand, I find it IMPOSSIBLE to not react. Even when I know not reacting/ignoring it is good for me. And that's why I say it's my kryptonite.

    And aren't you glad you asked that question?

    Regarding your Q about the freaky island with polar bears thing, all I can say is this: I've only just begun watching LOST a couple of months ago. I'm only BARLELY into the beginning of season 3! Oh, please don't do any spoiler posts about the series finale! I only just met The Others in their own turf...what the WHAT is going on?! (Don't really tell me, though, I'll get there!)

  14. I'm like you, I immediately love almost everyone and am always shocked when I meet people who are more - well - choosy. But I also have been given the gift of being sort of socially oblivious, so when people don't like me, I usually don't notice anyway. It works out.

    I wish I was less self-involved and more thoughtful. I am an easy friend to have, I don't get offended or hurt about much of anything, I won't infringe on your time, or call you whining about my life, or require much of you at all, and when we get together, if I know you pretty well we'll mostly laugh and have fun. But it will never occur to me to call you on your birthday, or rather, it might occur to me, and I will write it down, but I will forget, and then I will remember that I forgot, and then I will buy you a belated birthday card and it will sit on my bookshelf for a year until your next birthday, when I will forget again. And I will go weeks at a time without calling you, because I will have forgotten you existed (because I have four children and a husband and a job and a head full of imaginary characters) until I see you again on the street, where we will have a most joyous reunion indeed, because OH MY GOSH I LOVE YOU. But then I will forget again. I'm very forgetful and thoughtless.

    I need to work on that.

  15. Very nice endgame with the Lost reference...subtle and easily missed in all the llama tufts if you weren't watching ever so carefully...yes, yes indeed.

  16. AnonymousMay 25, 2010

    Very good analogy with the powdered sugar! I am covered in it too! Unfortunately, here in New Jersey MOST people do NOT like to get powdered sugar on them...and as a result, I am usually quite friendless/relationshipless. Sadface.

    My superpower? Definitely would have to be the ability to make people laugh just by looking at them.

    Personal brand of heroin? Caffeine Free Diet Coke. From a can.

  17. Oh don't mature! We love you exactly how you are! Don't let one person's rejection change who you are - you must be true to yourself and plus life is far more enjoyable when it's sparkly :)

  18. I answered your questions in a blog post of my own....

  19. Who knew llamas were so wise? No wonder that guy in Tibet is called the Dalai Lama!

    I have the same tendency that you have, and I've hit rejection one too many times. My sugar is almost all gone now (and with it the sparkles). My husband even commented on the slow change recently. I don't like that, but I haven't figured out how to reverse the process. I know that I don't have to protect me; God is perfectly capable of that, but maybe you're right about that pride thing.


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