5.09.2010

In Which Mothers Day And I Bury The Hatchet, Or Die Trying


I have determined that for my husband's own good, he should no longer be allowed to buy gifts for people any more than five hours in advance of go-time. It is just too much excitement for him to handle.

See: last Christmas.

Yesterday he came home from studying and plopped himself on the couch next to me.

"How was your day?" he asked, knowing full well how my day was because he was with me for most of it, and also because my days are practically all exactly the same lately.

"Well, I slept in, and then you wanted lunch so we went out, and then you went back to study and I did laundry, and then now you are home, and in a little bit we will watch Jeopardy!, followed by House reruns, and then Grey's reruns, and then, if we're lucky, Ghost Whisperer reruns."

And then Brandon shouted:

"I just got you a Mother's Day Gift!"

And then he hid his face with his hands. "Why am I so bad at this?"

This is how the rest of the conversation went:

"Do you want to open it now, or do you want to wait until Sunday?"

"Well . . ." 

"Oh! Do we have any bacon?"

So, it is Mother's Day today. A pair of earrings in the baby's birthstone, and lots of kisses from the husband and dogs while I ate my breakfast in my bed in my undies. And then I got a call from my sister, who, in a Mother's Day Tragedy, had just broken up with her boyfriend (Mother's Day giveth and Mother's Day taketh away . . .).

But you know, even with a legitimate baby going on in here and the husband of a lifetime, I am just not sold on Mother's Day. Maybe Mother's Day is something I will have to be eased into slowly?

I mean, I may not have baby in my arms, but I am a mother. I was put here to mother. But also, motherhood is not for everyone, and a woman's worth can NOT be predicated on whether or not she is a mother (or even whether or not she is a good mother). That is too simple a summary for such a complicated gender.  And anyway, I don't know.

I suppose I just question what it even means to be a mother anymore. To have pushed someone out of your nethers, or to have someone surgically removed from your abdomen? Is that a mother? Or is it what you do that makes you a mother? Mothering a child, certainly -- but, any child? Your own child or does someone else's count? How old does the child have to be? And what about our dogs? Your little brother when he calls late at night?  Your own mother when she is not able to care for herself anymore?

I suppose I have a problem with the idea that just by getting knocked up you deserve some kind of recognition, and that if you haven't been that somehow you don't qualify.  But obviously this is coming from a sore place.

I think Mother's Day at church takes the cake.

"God must really love me to give me these children!"
"I don't think you can truly understand the Plan of Salvation until you become a mother!"
"Seeing my wife become a mother made me love her so much more than I could have before!"
"Blah, Blah, Sucks To Be You."

Well.

I suppose I will never bury this hatchet. So instead I move we make Mother's Day an all-inclusive holiday. Do you have a Mother's heart? Then this day is for you! I don't care if you are mothering a goldfish.

HAPPY FREAKING MOTHER'S DAY.

32 comments :

  1. "Mother it up good!"

    You are most definitely right.

    Happy 16-Weeks-a-Mother's Day to you, Nat! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I also only watch the reruns of ghost whisperer but with me it's like once every 5 months so I am so lost as well! very funny post.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I mother a goldfish, and I mother her good. Sometimes she gets pouty and sad, but we are good good pals, too, like me and my own mom.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't know you, but I can help! A little.

    Hot black chick was there from the beginning, she owned the shop with Melinda, or owned the shop herself. She died near the end of season 2 or 3? I think 3 when she was hit by a plane.

    Her husband came back in the other guys body and didn't believe her about the whole thing, then he or she almost died and suddenly he remembered. With the convenience of being accepted into med school.

    This season is five years in the future, they've had a kid, the husband is a doctor and Jay Mohr got his own show. And I stopped watching because I was confused and got tired of seeing her cry.

    ReplyDelete
  5. As always Nat, brilliant!

    Happy Mother's Day dear...And to all of the wonderful and witty moms who comment here!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Being a puppy mommy totally counts as being someone's mom...they need love too!

    I was always the "mommy" to my friends in high school. I took care of them, listened on the phone at 3 in the morning because someone broke up with their boyfriend, handed out germ-killing hand wipes on trips, etc. My senior year, they all decided to treat me to a sweet little "Mother's Day" breakfast at our favorite diner. So sweet! I don't think that having kids makes you a mother.....it's how you take care of those around you that makes you truly motherly. This includes kids, parents, spouses, siblings, friends, etc.

    But happy Mother's Day to you anyway, and congrats because you finally (almost!) have a real, human baby to be a mommy to! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Happy Mother's Day.

    I'm sulking. So far, my husband hasn't even acknowledged The Day. So I sulk. More than a bit. Usually I let things go, but today, I am crankieth. So far, the sulking (which has passed due to wont of notice by said husband) produced nothing.

    Thank goodness for Primary teachers and grade school teachers so I at least have SOMETHING to show for the use of my womb and the 6+ years so far of mothering.

    OK. I feel like sulking a bit more. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. You are right.
    I cried all though Mass this morning. Church is the loneliest place on earth for a single adult.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I couldn't agree more. I know my family must think I'm some kind of freak because 1) I've been married for 5 1/2 years, and 2) I'm - wait for it, over 30 and why haven't I had kids yet huh?. Well thank you, I have a dog who I love and I'm a damn good doggie mommy and why doesn't that deserve appreciation. I'm also a good car mommy, and house mommy. (And sometimes mommy to a shat load of engineers...).

    Regardless - it fills my heart with happiness that you have a half baked holbsfetus! And who knows, it could be the next President all happy and warm in there! Happy dreams of your future snuggly, fat, gurgly bundle :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dear Nat,
    Your Ghost Whisperer questions answered:
    - Jim (Wifebeater guy)'s spirit went into Sam (Peyton Manning LOL) when Sam died in a crash. Everyone sees him as Sam (except us, we are lucky to see Jim (YUM)). For 1/2 a season, Sam didn't know he was Jim, but Melinda felt that he was & thought she was a little nutty, as did all of her friends, because everyone saw Sam.

    - Toward the end of the season, Melinda was in trouble (! what? that never happens!) and Sam felt this need to save her. While he was swimming around this water treatment plant (I think) all of his Jim memories came back.

    - Apparently, Sam went to medical school & had all the requirements to be a doctor. Jim, being a paramendic, had all the knowledge to be a doctor, so used Sam's qualifications and studied what he didn't know on his own.

    - Between the season where they get married & whatnot & she's pregnant and having the baby and the current season, 5 years has elapsed, which is why we never got to see the baby years.

    - Her bff who was played by Aisha Tyler (? is that her name?) was killed in a plane crash & then spent a few episodes as a ghost. Might've been 1/2 a season, actually, it was a loonnng time.

    - Once that bff went into the light, Delia (earring lady) came in & is now the bff. It didn't happen that fast - Delia had some issues w/ Melinda & it took her a while to be down w/ the Ghost Whispering. Her son, Ned, likes to help with the GWing. She gets kinda freaked out about it still, because she worries about Ned.

    - IDK what she saw in Jamie Kennedy. But he does a good job as the wacky professor.

    - Jay Mohr (who I loved more than JK)'s character... I am blanking! I think he went on a year long sabbatical or something, but I'm not 100% there.

    Whew! I think that's all the questions answered! Sorry if I missed some. Oh, and one more note - I agree w/ you 100% on your Mother theory. A mother's heart beats in many who are not, technically, mothers. It doesn't negate their mothering, imo.

    : )

    ReplyDelete
  11. I totally have the heart of a mother. Thanks for the wish of a happy day.

    SAME TO YOU, Natalie! I'm so glad there's a bun in the oven for you this Mother's Day!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I am also on the "Mothers' Day is for the dawgs" bench. I just made my own blog post about just that, actually. Sorta. Or maybe it was about butter? Or about loincloth blankies? You never know with my rambles. But you get my drift. Church is EVIL when it comes to Mothers' Day and to be avoided at all cost, if you ask me. And I don't currently have the "not a mother on Mothers' Day" perspective. And it's STILL loathesome. ::shudder:: THEY CANNOT WIN! Why are they trying? They should carefully give every woman chocolate at the door, slowly back away and talk about something safe. Like . . . . puppies.

    Excellent post, as usual. Thank you so much! I needed it today.

    ReplyDelete
  13. But what I really want to know is, what Disney movies did the half-baked Holbsnoob get?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Aristocats is perhaps the most underrated Disney movie of all time...just saying :) I hope you got 6 of the best, although, there aren't very many TRULY awful Disney movies, you know?

    At my job today, they gave out packets of bath salts to anyone who is a mother...And now that I read your post, I feel very badly for one of my co-workers who desperately wants a baby but has suffered a miscarriage within the past 2 months and had a still born about a year ago. How awful to be ineligible for free bath salts!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hm, you've got me thinking, Nat.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Today on facebook all I saw were mother day wishes it was too much, I trew a pity party for one and peeved everyone in my life off. Then I cried a lot and went to work, then I wrote a letter to God and now I feel better.

    Hurray diney movies!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I have to say that Mother's Day is a silly idea (even thought I did get an awesome handbag). I think that what all mothers should get is a day off from being a mother....just think of it - a sleep in and the freedom to do whatever you want (ie. sit in silence and stare blankly a the wall), finish a cup of tea without a little person trying to muscle in on it, make toast without a helper.

    Now I know that this probably sounds very crabby and ungrateful but let me just say that I absolutely adore my child and think that she is sunshine itself. But just for a day mummies should be allowed to wave their child off, shut the door, sit on the lounge and just breathe - because they ain't lying when they say it's hard work!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I've only ever seen Ghost Whisperer reruns in spanish, so I have even less of a clue what's going on! We've already had our Mothers day over here... a month and a half ago. But it sounds like you had a good one, and I'm sure you'll get better at it.x

    ReplyDelete
  19. I agree 100%!

    Which is why I really love this tradition that our church practices - Each Mothers' Day, the priest (I am Catholic) has all the little kids come to the front of the church and get a carnation, and asks them all to give the flower to a woman who is NOT their own mother. He does this because he said we celebrate the nurturing and mothering that all women do in our community. (And with the help of the ushers, every woman in the pews got a flower).

    I think it's a nice sentiment. And I always like to wish Happy Mother's Day to all the women in my life, be they biological mothers or otherwise. Cause just like you said - we all have a mother's heart!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Okay, so when I read "Blah Blah, Sucks to be You" I laughed out loud so hard that fiance in the next room said, "What?"

    Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I'm so crazy happy for someone that I've never really met. But, I am.

    Thanks for the laugh and the general good feelings I get when I read your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I have the same kind of husband—I cannot remember a married-person Christmas when I've actually opened a gift from Karl ON Christmas. He can never wait, and never wraps my gifts beforehand because he's so excited he just wants to hand them to me! So much for the suspense.

    I thought of you yesterday with glee, 1) because you get to be a human mommy now!!!, and 2) because you hate Mother's Day. I mentally monitored all the talks in sacrament for major faux pas, and since all the talks were given by men, they were actually sweet and touching and not really offensive at all. Yay!

    But I like Maura's priest's idea. Share the love, people! Share it!!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. P.S. What Disney movies did you get?!?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Mother is up! I love that. It sounds like you had a wonderfully all-inclusive day though.

    ReplyDelete
  24. i'm so glad there's someone else out there who watches the ghost whisperer reruns! they're so cheesy but i still freak myself out watching them.

    and i wonder what is up with the three-named actors/actresses? jennifer love hewitt, sarah michelle gellar, freddie prinze junior.. i guess you have to be pretty famous (and in a lot of teen movies/b-rated tv dramas) to get three-name status.

    ReplyDelete
  25. You are absolutely right! Being a mother does not have anything to do with genetics. I am mommy to a puppy and 3 goldfish and four failed pregnancies. Although Mother's Day makes me eternally sad, especially at church, I try to keep a smile on my face and show appreciation for ALL KINDS of mothers. Plus, Hubs and my family always make it extra special. :)

    HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, NAT!

    ReplyDelete
  26. My fiancee has the same gift-buying/giving disorder. I can't count the number of times there's been some occasion and he's bought the gift and gets so full of anticipation that he just can't hold it in anymore...or I have a bad day and he feels sorry for me, and I get the present early.

    It IS charming as all get out.

    I'm not a Mom of anything anywhere yet, but I know people who have waited years for that special feeling. I hope this year was grand for you, but I'm sure next year will be even better. I can't fathom how hard it must have been for you and how hard it must be for the other women/couples out there trying hard to make it happen...

    Hang in there, everyone! <3

    ReplyDelete
  27. Absolutely, perfectly said. I feel like a mom a lot of the time even though I haven't had a child of my own yet. This was beautifully said. There are mothers out there that aren't even "motherly"- i've met them (when u work at a bar and they bring in their babies while they hang out with friends and drink, all u can think is, "you've got a baby. In a bar!") Kuddos to you for recognizing all of us mommys out there (i'm a mom to a pup and to my hubby and to my regular customers and my employees- I am a mom!)

    Love the blog, as always!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Princess ButtercupMay 10, 2010

    I'm fairly certain the "unable to wait even a moment longer to reveal a gift" gene is a genetic thing for redheads, I have it too.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Enjoy your Mother's day.
    AndI agree on the church comment...Father's Day in churches aren't nearly as big of a to-do, hey? The poor papas...

    ReplyDelete
  30. Oh, funny! I just realized I will be more officially a mother this year. About 4 months of gestation left. I still kind of want to get a gold fish, though. :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'm slowly (but surely) making my way up to your most recent posts, but I just wanted to say that I have always considered Mother's Day to be a celebration of women. In the wards I've lived in, they always give a "gift" to all of the women over 18. I hope your Mother's Days get better every year. I'm sure they'll be better when your Huckleberry will be big enough to be excited to bring you breakfast in bed. That was always my favorite part of the day with my mom :)

    ReplyDelete

Comments are moderated because mama ain't no fool.