Life With Boys

We all pile in the car. The pregnant lady, her husband, and a fifteen-year-old boy crammed in the back seat, and it is all boy elbows and boy knees and boy voices conversing about boy topics. I make my first observation:

Boys are startlingly smelly.

I accompany my dad to Costco. In the car on the way there we listen to my dad's latest Dean Koontz book on tape, something about Frankenstein, clones, and Montana. 

When we get there we stand at the entrance to the Costco, my dad visually assessing the situation. "Okay. The chips are in that corner, the cheese is over here, and the condiments are there. Cheese first. Let's go." 

In less than five minutes we're done. We have the cheese, we have the chips, we are tossing a giant barrel of mayonnaise into the cart. We tag-team the self checkout and seconds later are halfway to the car.  No lingering by the flowers, no free samples in the deli, no wandering through the bakery and asking, "Can you think of any reason we'd need this Boston Cream Pie?" (This is how our last Costco trip went, a trip dominated mostly by women.)

Boys are efficient, not at all tempted by carbohydrates.

I find The Holbs upstairs playing Mario Kart. Mario Kart is a thing which I will never truly understand. Blake and Brandon clock hours on that game whenever we come in town. Deciding this was the perfect exercise to get into the mind of a boy, I asked if I can play.

"Hang on," says my Holbsykong. "I have to finish this tournament so I can get a prize!"

"A prize?" I ask.

"Yeah, a prize. That's what Blake told me." 

"What kind of prize?" I ask.

"Uhhhh..." The Holbs can't remember.

"Blake, what kind of prize?" 

Blake is sitting at the computer, playing some shoot 'em up game while wearing a headset and occasionally shouting things like We need scouts! and Soviet Union, I love that! He pulls a headphone off of his ear and shouts at me, "HUH?" His desk is covered in spare wires and mystery USB plugs and parts and pieces of who even knows what.

"What am I going to win again?" The Holbs asks, his face a mask of focus and determination.

"Oh, a new character," Blake says, never peeling his eyes from his computer screen.

This all sounds highly anticlimactic to me, but The Holbs says, "Yeahh, a new character!" as though he is deeply satisfied.

I don't even know.

This afternoon my mother and I had lunch with my new best friend, Kjrsten. We ate mini waffle-and-fried-chicken sandwiches on long skinny plates.

Once back in my car I open my phone to communicate with my manlier half.

"I'm coming home, are you ready to spend some time with me?" 

"Yessireebob!" he texts back.

"We'll do whatever you want to do, you pick!" I text generously.

"Let's play board games! Or we could go see a movie? Your dad doesn't want to see Eclipse!"

Then he texts me again,

"No more texts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Boys prefer in-person conversations. Sometimes they do want to see Eclipse, and sometimes they don't.

Lately Peter Pan is stuck to me like a love-starved teenager. He follows me aimlessly about the house, and as soon as I'm stationary he sits primly on my foot, his ears cocked in nervous directions. Something is up with him, I am telling you. (It is as if he is thinking there is something up with me?) When it is time for a potty break The Holbs has to drag Peter away from me. The minute they are back in the house the Pan is glued to my side.

Boys love their mamas. 

Bring on the boys!


  1. AnonymousJuly 01, 2010

    we need an updated belly pic!!

  2. My first is a boy, and I promise -- you will love having a boy! Girls are great in a million ways, but boys have a special connection with their mamas for sure.

    Now, as for the skinny part, I hate to bear bad news but I feel I should forewarn. I fully expected after having the baby to leave the hospital much smaller than when I arrived at the hospital. Uh, didn't really happen. You'll be full of fluids and all kinds of stuff that doesn't go away immediately. Expect to wear your maternity pants for a bit. But you are petit and will probably be back to normal quickly -- all while enjoying your new little guy! :)

  3. I've wondered the same things about self image during my pregnancy (39 weeks now!) and it really is sad. We, as women, have the ability to bring life into the world and our bodies are doing these amazing things in order to facilitate that... but at the the end of the day, we've been brainwashed our entire lives on how we should look. There is no escaping that.

  4. yes, updated belly picture, please!

    um... I am a girl... and I love Mario Kart? (feels conflicted)

    great observations!

  5. belly pic!! you have grown from a burrito belly to a basketball belly!

  6. Well at least you have a reason to feel chubby...I last week got asked by my bf's adorable son "Heather did you used to be skinny?"...and i was like "as opposed to sayin I'm fat NOW?" yeah that was a fun conversation....and I'm NOT even yeah, that one was a blow to the ole ego!

    But I this post struck close to home for me, because my new relationship has transported me through time and into an alternate universe that's known as "BOY WORLD"....I'm going to baseball games, sleeping over at the "two and a half Men" bachelor pad minus one of the i guess his house is one and a half men...a ferret, a turtle and a dog. but that's too long of a title.....

    Toilet seat's always up.....when they run out of dishes, they occasionally will drink form a cereal bowl...clothes are wrinkly....laundry baskets double as dresser drawers....even the air is different over there.....and natural gas is often times found....yes, BOY WORLD is a very different place for us ladies to navigate through.....but there ARE benefits to being the only girl in BOY WORLD....I'm not sure if I'm their princess or their scapegoat, but either way, I've got a passport, and vacationing there, while weird at times, is a great escape to pass the cheese, chips and mayo, might as well since I "USED TO BE SKINNY".... lol


  7. The best part of pregnancy is that I didn't have to worry about the weight (I only gained 15lbs) and I love not having to worry about "being fat". It was the most beautiful I have ever felt. I flaunted it! Enjoy every minute, this is the only time you will not be judged for having a big belly!!

  8. I'm pretty sure body issues never go away, unless your 80 and making cookies with your grandkids. Then it just doesn't matter anymore.

    How could you not love Mario Kart?

    Being a woman is tough.

  9. You see, I grew up with 4 brothers and a papa. (Ma was there too, of course, but clearly we were in the minority.) And you know what? I LOVE being int he minority! -At least I love it with my own people. (I think it's because my boys don't stink so much as other boys? Not unless they're playing sports, and then BOY HOWDY they stink up to high heaven!)

    Observation: How on earth can guys talk about football for more than a few minutes at a time? I've witnessed MANY a football conversation in the O-household that last, like, half the day! And it's not even football season! The same thing goes for basketball and baseball...they can talk sports for hours...but it seems that the football is what it's really all about. Hmm.

  10. I also expected to go home from the hospital and put on my "normal" jeans. It's not a good feeling...but I did gain 40lbs with London so really, who was I kidding.

    On a random note, no one told me that the nurses basically jump up and down on your belly after giving birth. They say they have to in order to get all the "stuff" out of your uterus so it can return to normal size. I grabbed onto the nurses arm and asked her (thru clenched teeth) what in the world she thought she was doing. To which she replied, "Don't grab me, grab HIM." I really thought my stitches were going to blow out my other end...

  11. I would love to see a belly pic. I am outnumbered in my house as well, a husband, a son, 2 boy dogs. Me and the lone girl dog..we can never win.

  12. I'm reading the new Koontz book too (4th in a series). Love it.

  13. I love love loved being big and pregnant. I was huge with a 50" waist and gaining 65lbs with twins. The only thing that drove me crazy was feeling my boobs touch the top of my belly. That really grossed me out for some reason. I highly recommend doing some professional belly/nude pics to remember your body during pregnancy. Before you know it you'll be back to a new kind of normal. I felt really uncomfortable for so long. You have to get used to your new post pregnancy body and even if you lose all the weight it's still a different shape.

  14. Another fun post. Thanks, Nat! Glad to see you are savoring these days. And yes, Peter Pan does know something is up with you...

  15. AnonymousJuly 01, 2010

    Lol, I would love to go to the store with your dad. In an out in about 5 minutes? If I could accomplish that with my mom, I would be schocked. She takes forever, and it drives me crazy!

    And we need to see pics of your belly!

  16. You will be skinny again....Keep walking...

  17. Love the post, but I have to agree with Charlotte and Heather - Mario Kart is awesome!

  18. I thought I was your new best blog friend, but I make that mistake with people quite often. It seems I think too highly of myself.

    Here's a thought to cheer your day: You are skinny pregnant. Still small arms and legs with a round belly. I gained sixty, count them, sixty pounds and it all went strait to my ass.

    You're skinny pregnant and that's cute.

  19. Yeah, they call it "uterine massage," and it feels NOTHING like a massage. It nearly brought tears to my eyes!!! Not fun at ALL.

    And yes, keep those maternity pants around for awhile--you'll need them!!! Though I was going over some old pics from when Camryn was born, and by two months or so, I was nearly back to "normal" (and yes, you may have to redefine "normal"). Not everything was back to where it should be, but I looked pretty much like I did pre-baby (at least while dressed). It suuuucks, but the weight DOES come off...eventually.

  20. AnonymousJuly 02, 2010

    Sometimes I think I'm half-male. At least personality wise *ahem*. Mario Kart rocks, their food choices are the BEST, I have been known to dress off of the floor and my work jeans don't get broken in until I've been wearing them for at least a week straight. I think I'm at about 2 1/2 for this pair... I could go on and on....

  21. Loved, Loved, Loved this post! :-D Tell Gabe I said Hello!

  22. WHEN are you going to write your book? Because I'm first in line to buy it! Seeeeeriously. Chop, chop.


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