while waiting for chinese delivery to arrive

there's a chinese place down the street that brandon has fallen head over chopsticks for.

any time we talk about having food delivered, we always know where the other person is going to want to order from, and we never want what we know the other person wants. as such, our conversations always go down something like this:

holbs: "what sounds good?"

me: "well . . . "

holbs, impatiently: "ok, just not shake shack again."

me, realizing what i really wanted this whole time was a cheeseburger: "ok then, not chinese either!"

holbs: "but--!"

sometimes i let him order chinese anyway, because when we order chinese and it arrives and he takes that first bite and he starts moaning and mmmm-ing and letting his eyes roll back into his head and saying how AMAZING it is, it's pretty much the cutest.

my brandon is all kinds of things, but most especially he is predictable about chinese food.

the other night it was cold and dreary out and we were in between grocery runs and all we had to eat was a dozen or so hard boiled eggs (another time). it was huck's bedtime and i was feeling particularly amenable, so chinese was ordered in exchange for a manly pair of arms pushing the huckster to sleep in his stroller (look, that's just how we roll these days).

while the brandon made the order i went to the bathroom and reacquainted myself with the person in the mirror with the horribly flat hair (hi person who is me, good to see you lately!) and then i sat on the couch and stared at my toes for a minute.

i looked up to see brandon performing some kind of interpretive dance routine for his enraptured audience. huck was squealing in excitement from his bed-on-wheels.

"i am practicing my jim carrey black swan!" he announced between arabesques.

then he stood very straight, put his arms down at his side and said quite somberly, "son, if you want to be a ballerina some day, you can."

what do you usually order when you get chinese?

the holbrooks need to spice up their delivery order.

don't let the bed bugs bite!

do you know about bed bugs? when you live in new york you are under constant threat of bed bugs. 

here, read up. hope you're not eating right now!

(pausing here for a henry holbrook intermission)

one time i saw a bug in my bathroom that i was convinced was a bed bug. i called brandon in a near panic, and then, while hunched over all pregnantly to get a better look at it, it up and flew into my face. i said calmly into the phone, "never mind, it can fly." 

this morning we were dressed and ready by 10:00. i had a pair of knit pants from forever 21 that i'd hoped were jcrew-inspired but weren't even close that needed returning, so i strapped huck to my chest and took the 3 to times square, where we saw this:

and then i spent three dollars on a hot dog, because it was times square and i was starving. 

i was telling brandon about it later this afternoon--about how much i regretted it, and what a waste of money it was--when he interrupted me and said,

"did it make you feel sick?"

and i said, 

"noooo . . ."

and he said,

"then it wasn't a waste. a water dog is never a waste."

a water dog!  

the end.

testing the market

what my sunday morning looked like

okay okay. here's the truth of the matter: living in new york city can be hard.

immediately after church today we had an appointment to look at a two bedroom apartment in midtown. chances we are making ourselves a permanent fixture here are looking pretty good, and while our green palace of tiny wonders is a lovely and quaint little home, and while we love it very much, let's be real: this place is a tiiiiiiiiny dancer, elton.

you know how there's this one part of arizona where you can stand in four states all at once?

my living room is sort of like that. you stand there, and simultaneously you're also standing in the kitchen, the foyer, the hallway, the oven, and the shower.

and do yourself a favor when you're living here and don't ever go into anyone else's apartment, because nine times outta ten their place is five times the size of yours and also they're paying fifty dollars less than you a month somehow.

so, we're looking for an apartment. sort of. not really but kind of.

when we walked into that two bedroom apartment this afternoon it was a rude awakening. maybe we's forgotten it was nyc, where it is perfectly legal to advertise something as a two bedroom if the living room is big enough to fit a bed in it while still having room for a couch.

don't you think that's rude? i sort of think that's pretty rude.

and so, the search (sort of) continues. (kind of.)

a few pictures of my tiny dancer apartment right here.

magical moments and some exclamation marks !! ! !!

look, not to be cheesy or anything, but today was pretty fantastic. look at that brownstone! you better believe i am going to write all about it, in excruciating detail.

i scored some insane moccasins today for so stupidly cheap that i still can't believe it. i want to pet them lovingly and sleep with them under my pillow for the rest of my life.

i went out for the afternoon with the huckadoodle to visit a friend. while we were out we discovered that yesterday's piles of snow had multiplied, and that it was now necessary for me to lift the entire being of the stroller using just my spaghetti noodle arms to clear past the snowdrifts blocking the intersections.

there was so much snow and sludge and muck in the streets that at one point we got hopelessly stuck. out of nowhere a man and a woman appeared on either side of huck's stroller. they gently lifted him up and over those mountains of snow, and as he soared through the air a goofy smile broke across his sweet chubby face.

when we were safely across the street and back on firm ground i thanked them profusely, only to discover that they were italian!

i just love that!

but there's more.

the laundry mountain in the southeast corner of our bedroom has grown to such monstrous proportions that i think i could climb it and yodel from the top! 

how fun would it be to learn to yodel? 

today my holbsginger had a job interview. the very best four syllable phrase on the entire planet earth after "hamburger cult!" (wait for it.)

while he was wowing job people over the phone with his sultry job interviewing voice and huck was napping off a particularly bad mood, i was sent off to procure dinner.

"anything you want! and take your time!" my holbsy said as i piled on my winter gear.

so of course i went to shake shack because i am programmed brainwashed uhhhh . . .

on the way there i stopped in a store i've always wanted to stop in. strangely i was the only person in there aside from at least million employees, who were all there to set up "the february line."

i was asked how i was doing no less than thirty times. it gave the entire operation quite a mystical feel, like possibly i had opened those doors and waltzed into some magical bizarro world where everything existed just for me.

and then i passed that danged old lenny's, where i happened to look up and see this on top of it:

the j.m. horton ice cream company?

i found out today that david hasselhoff follows me on twitter.  david hasselhoff.  whaaaat.

the pajamas i bought for huck in soho five years ago finally fit him. this is my very favorite. seeing your dream baby in a pair of pajamas you bought for him when you were so young and hopeful is such a very wonderfully trippy feeling.

and  then a reader emailed me this.

i don't know, but i think this is just about it for me. best day ever.

marshmallow jungle

this morning i looked out the window and--snow!

i love a good snow storm like i love a good bag of popcorn at midnight. which is to say, i love it, but also it gives me a vague sense of anxiety . . .  i can't really explain it.

when i woke up i thought, oh! i have a baby! gosh his grunting is cute. how long has he been asleep i wonder?

i looked at the clock. i blinked a few times. i did the math quickly (and incorrectly, twice) in my head.

eleven hours.

whaaaaaaaaat?

later that morning, my huckleberry friend all bundled and happy and strapped in his stroller, the two of us set out for playgroup and a bagel with sliced tomato.

my arms burned as i shoved that stroller over mounds of show on the sidewalks. my breath came in heavy swirls before my face as i passed grown men wielding shovels and salt and big happy grins, wishing me a good morning and stepping aside to let me and my tromping snow boots pass.

we dipped through a few sludgy pools of murkiness at an intersection. we dodged a couple of old ladies in elaborate furs, snow sticking to their coats like white confetti. we peeked in at the abc studios as we passed. the standby line for regis and kelly had gotten pretty long and the doorman said to the snow shoveler, "you missed a spot!"

the air was white and thick and the buildings were blurred behind and when i ate that bagel i felt like i had earned every last bite of it.

on days like today i think that even if i could have the white picket fence, or the fully-loaded SUV, or the big back yard, or the deluxe laundry room down the hall, i don't think i'd want it anymore. 

we're supposed to get another ten inches of snow in the city tonight and i can't wait. i can't wait to show it what i'm made of.