6.16.2009

Yo-Yo


(An ovary with a big fat follicle. I found this on google image. Don't you wish that WAS my follicle though?)

Today I saw my follicle. It was really flipping cool.

We reviewed it all together in his office as he asked me a battery of questions. Do you smoke? Have you had surgery? Do you ovulate? How are your cramps? Do you have fibroids? Me, I had all the right answers. No. No. Yes. Mild. No.

Well, you're ovulating, the doctor announced. This should be easy.

He told me to stop taking supplements, my body was doing okay, no intervention needed.

Your body is working beautifully, he said, and I wanted to believe him.

You know, the body is this weird thing. You inhabit it; it's all around you. As you grow, it grows. And at the same time it is so weird. These things happen and you can't see them,  most of the time you can't even feel them. All inside you are millions of biological processes you don't even think about, aren't even aware of. Complicated, nuanced little waltzes, and here you are worried about whether or not you should wear those shoes with that top. I mean, it's bizarre, right?

For a year I have been looking for a problem. There has to be one! Otherwise, why? And when? And, no really, why?? I stopped eating from plastic, I went all organic. I stopped exercising, and started again. I stopped being careful with what I ate even when I knew my body would feel better if I were more strict; I gained five pounds, I lost five pounds, I had my hormones checked, and then supplemented, and then checked again, and all this time I have been distrusting my body, ignoring what I have been told time and time again:

I am working beautifully.

I want to believe it. 

12 comments :

  1. Yay!!!! One time my gyn told me I had the "perfect" uterus which was a strange compliment at the time but means so much more when you want to have a baby!

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  2. What a great post!! I totally think women especially mistrust our bodies. I know I am blessed to be pregnant, but sometimes I find myself looking at other pregnant ladies and scolding my own body for not being able to carry a fetus without being so huge...wouldn't I love to just gain fifteen or twnety pounds too...of course. But then I stop and tell myself to stop, my body knows what it is doing and I just need to trust it. Thanks for this great post.

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  3. Hooray! I'm so glad things are looking up.

    And I totally love how you hold nothing back in any of your posts. You, for sure, "keep it real." :)

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  4. oh, i love this post! i am so happy that you got to hear and see all of these wonderful and perfect things about your body :) i'm sending all of my good luck wishes your way!!

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  5. I love your maybe baby and hooray for big fat follicles!!

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  6. Hurray! Glad it was a good appointment for you. I remember all those tests we had to go through. Lots of fun!

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  7. I am so happy and excited for you. Great post and lovely thoughts on the desire to be a mommy. :)

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  8. So... I'm going to be an Uncle?!?

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  9. Yay!! That's wonderful news. Just let go and trust in the universe things will happen, I promise. It took me one long and painful year to naturally conceive twins. Have faith, let go and have fun. Stop thinking about it. I know it's the hardest thing to do believe me I know but now that you have good news have fun. Sending you lots of good baby vibes.

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  10. what a positive post :)

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  11. Great news & a great post! Congrats :)
    Karen

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  12. Hip hip hooray! I am so happy for you! The human body is an amazing yet mysterious place. This was a great post. You are so good with words. Good luck with everything!!

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