The following is a true story. So, it actually happened.
Today I went to the Walmart to buy some lace (as one does). I was buying lace because I had just fallen head over tea kettle for a sweater at the Anthro that was priced higher than a jet airliner, and I figured I could just rig one up myself using all my know-how and be done with it. I found my lace, had it cut up by a very nice gentleman named Titus, and then on my way around the store tragedy struck and I became very distracted by the cereal aisle.
Oh, the cereal aisle.
I am not allowed in the cereal aisle.
I am not allowed in the cereal aisle because cereal aisles and I do not go well together. Mostly because I have never met a box of cereal I did not instantly love and wish to have babies with. Also because cereal tends to stick right to that fleshy part of my stomach. You know the one?
When I am in the cereal aisle all bets are off. I have been known to buy so many boxes of cereal that there becomes no room for them at the inn that is my kitchen cabinets. And cereal boxes are super hard to carry in those little plastic sacks they give you at the store. Please, I know you are relating to this.
So anyway, I was flagrantly eyeing the cereal aisle, and I decided to go ahead and break the cardinal rule, really live life on the edge, and buy a box. Just one! Let's not get carried away! I thought fast and grabbed Brandon's favorite, under the guise that it was actually for him, not me, I had no plans of eating the whole thing by tomorrow afternoon, nope!
Then I wandered the aisles some more (as one does), thinking various thoughts about Miley Cyrus.
The sad fact of life is, I really love the Miley Cyrus line at Walmart, and loving the Miley Cyrus line at Walmart is only a step behind loving Twilight in an unironic way. Which is to say . . . I mean, you know what I mean.
So I texted my sister who knows about these things:
There is a major haul of the Miley Cyrus at the Walmart right now! So help me, I loooooooove the Miley Cyrus!
That's what my text said and I sent it off quick as a whip, and then I continued my aimless about-the-Walmart strolling.
Oh! Dog food!
So there I was, perusing the canine cereal aisle, when the following text came in to me over the wire:
If you buy a large drink at Jack In The Crack you can get a free toasted ham something or other!
That's Alex for you, always coming through in a pinch!
I texted her back, my thumbs a blur of agility:
The Holbs looooooves Jack In The Crack! I will tell him.
Then I turned the attention of my frenzied fingers onto the Holbsinthecrack himself:
Hey! If you buy a large drink at the Jack In The Crack you can get a free toasted ham something or other! Did I just make your day?
Then, to really put him over the top, I sent him this one:
In other culinary news, I just bought you a box of Honey Bunches of Oats Pecan Clusters, because you are a TURKEY.
Then I laughed at my own cleverness.
Then I frowned, because I realized I had just turned into my grandmother.
The best part of my day today will be sending my puppy for a play date so I can have some peace. And I will use the time wisely by baking a cake.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, a blog designer, really? I love your blog just so.
The best part of my day was sitting on the couch in front of the air-con, massaging a very contented rat on my lap. The one way you know a rat is very happy is when they start grinding their teeth and bulging out their eyes, so cute!
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of cereal, I know how you feel! I never eat cereal for breakfast. To me, cereal is a snack to be had when I feel even a bit of hunger creeping up on me between meal times. :)
Let's just say I bought two boxes of Honey Bunches of Oats Cinnamon Clusters because I ate my roommate's box. So, one for her, one for me. I bought them Monday night. It is Wednesday morning and my box has maybe two bowls left. It definitely has no more cluster in the box.
ReplyDeleteThe best part of my day? I found out I am Ms. July for Bombshell Stamps! I am so darn excited about it! I mean... Ms July. Summertime. Doesn't it just totally imply that I look fab in a bathing suit? Even though I still have my Mommy Pouch? I am a Bombshell... and so proud of it!
ReplyDeleteThe best part of my day was taking a vanilla cake that I made, from scratch, to work with me and watching it disappear within an hour. If that's not a self-esteem boost, then I dunno what is. As for Walmart....we are too alike! I have a sad obsession where I go there whenever I'm bored, and this is why they should not build Walmarts 5 minutes or less from my house. Every time I go I find SOMETHING that I convince myself that I need and I buy it. Not a very good habit! And as for cereal...I love cereal. If I could I would eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My favorites are good ol' Corn Flakes or some Fiber One with fresh strawberries (or raspberries, in the summer!) with rice milk. Nothing in this life gets any better.
ReplyDeleteP.s.-I like your blog just the way it is! It's simple and easy to read!
Although I am allowed down the cereal aisle, I can only visit the healthy/Kashi section, because if you get between me and a box of Captain Crunch, I will CUT you!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh, as always!
The best part of my day was the lovely chat I had with my student before his class today. It was about nothing in particular, but sometimes shooting the breeze is the best thing.
ReplyDeleteOMGooooooosh! Not only do we both have a lust for Miley Cyrus outfits (I just bought a ton o outfits myself from the Walmart), but we also both call it Jack In the Crack!!!
ReplyDeleteWe must be sisters.
What in the world! I never knew of this Miley Cyrus loot so I headed over to walmart.com and it's super cute! Who knew? Check out the website too, there's things not sold in stores. :)
ReplyDeleteI had two best parts of my day (yesterday was a big day)
ReplyDelete1. I needed smoked salt for a recipe and I went to whole foods and found this neat-o little shaker with 6 different types of salt!! You know you have a food problem when you get excited about salt
2. I had a figure skating viewing party with one of my best friends who also lives in nyc, but I do not get to see nearly often enough. It was delightful, even though we barely got to watch figure skating b/c they always show the figure skating last and I can't stay up that late
The best part of my day will be when our New Beginings is over, and I can stop worry about messing up while playing the piano with the girls singing, and I'll be done with my little talk on the mutual theme for the year. Hopefully all will go well and I'll be able to sleep soundly tonight.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog and can commune with the cereal lover in you, for sure!
ReplyDeleteI had my blog somewhat "designed" and am quite taken with its "look".
also had business cards designed to match. Oh what a savvy business person I am...
the best part of my day was reading this and knowing that i am not alone! i can and would eat cereal every meal for the rest of my life. but now that i think about it i am wondering why i am not doing that? why? i dont know. but i do know there is something magical about cereals floating and sinking in ice cold milk.
ReplyDeleteconfession: i have done the same thing. bought cereal for my 'husband' only a day later to hear him say, "wow, that box went fast"
"um, yeah, honey. it was a small box, and you know how they only fill it like 1/4 of the way....."
have you ever experienced shopping online at forever21.com? what a danger zone. i repeat, danger zone.
ReplyDeleteWell, I waited an entire 15 minutes....I was effin SURE you were on the verge of blinking....and just when I thought you would, you wouldn't. Then i'd be like...maybe i blinked when she blinked and I missed it....
ReplyDeleteFunny that you love Miley Cyrus, because there sure are a lot of people who want to staple things to her head in the world....as for me, i'm indifferent....i mean, what's she to me, ya know?....I feel about her like tiger woods...um....not a whole lot of anything one way or the other. and I don't want to sleep with either of them, so yeah *shrugs*....I feel nothing. :)
That's adorable you called your H "turkey"...it's my nickname....so naturally I love it!
xoxo
~hl~
Just discovered your blog thanks to Sue over at naval gazing at its finest. How did I not know about it sooner? I'm definitely a new follower. I need a good laugh and today's post was perfect.
ReplyDeleteThe best part of my day? Haven't had it yet but hoping it will be filled with chocolate and Diet Coke and maybe a nap while my little ones sleep.
The best part of my day was actually saying no to the thoughts in my head that I should buy selfish things for myself...and go over our budget. I'm so proud!
ReplyDeleteBTW, LOVE Miley Cyrus's line too and for some odd reason, our Walmart was selling her stuff at like $1 or more. So you know I bought some leggings and a shirt. That was my splurge and another best part of my day.
So, dear Grandmother << laughing at MY cleverness now...
ReplyDeleteAnd frowning bc that was totally dumb of me...
I LOVE CEREAL TOO! I'm so happy to know I'm not the only person ever to be banned from the cereal isle. By the way, your texts totally made me laugh. (This is why I don't have text on my phone.)
The best part of my day: I got up earlier than usual. Got ready for work much too early. So rewarded myself with a latte at McDs. And STILL made it work 5 minutes early. You can read more about my WEIRD, but awesome day on my Blunder blog. :) Happy Wednesday!
Um, I sort of love you.
ReplyDeleteI don't know the best part of my day . . . but the saddest will be when I need to sell back The Beast :(
ReplyDeleteThe best part of my day is seeing my 1 normal-size present and 3 smaller-sized presents in the morning. Then it is equaled by me seeing them again when I get home in the evening. Oh, wait... You only asked for 1.
ReplyDeleteNo creepiness in the eyes. But for some reason I'm wondering how much you can save me on my car insurance.
So far, the best part of my day has been waking up with my chihuahua of all things sleeping like a little person next to me - head on pillow, little legs under the covers. Too cute.
ReplyDeleteI am not a big cereal fan. I know, I am an oddity.
The best part of my day is 5:00 p.m. when I am leaving the office and skipping off to my car and leaving the chaos of clients behind....
ReplyDeleteP.S. Today you and the Holbs can pretend you are Graduate students at Mikeys for a social that is taking place there with GPSA and score free food. I know several law students who did so in the past....just saying...free food and Mikeys, ya know? I think you do. 5-8 pm. If they bust you it is said to cost $7.25 but in years past they never caught anyone.
I am so looking forward to your new blog layout.
ReplyDeletePlease tell me you won't be one of those "cutest blog on the block" blogs. Those backgrounds are creeping me out.
Have a nice day!
The best part of my day is that yesterday is over, much drama in the YM/YW. And seriously I could devour a whole box of reese's puffs in one day, they are that good. so now I've had to stop buying them, because we {mostly me} went through 6 boxes in less than 1 week- gross I know
ReplyDeleteI love the randomness of your posts. You are funny. I probably would have bought Captain Crunch or something. That one is fattening deliciousness.
ReplyDeleteI don't like cereal but I do like your blog. I do like Fig Rolls though. Do you have those in the States?
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the blog and comments I am happy to know that I am not the only adult who has a cereal problem. Especially with that darn Captain Crunch. I like to eat cereal at night...when no one is watching me eat at least 3 bowls. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI was thinking I needed a blog designer, I only use the free ones right now. I also need the doman thingy. But I'm lazy.
The best part of my day. Is that the sun is out. TWO days in a row. I know.
1. I am a fan of your blog as is. i am curious to see how it will change.
ReplyDelete2. cereal, i agree, is the best.
3. am not familiar with the miley line, though am a closet miley fan. when pumping for my little e all last year, i spent many a late night watching family channel (disney) and mostly hannah montanna. I am thirty. this is sad.
SB
not too serious i hope
I'm a new follower...and you have a new Beautiful Blogger Award over on my page! (I'm sure you have received it before, but I thought I'd share.)
ReplyDeleteMy day is splendiferous so far! It is really pretty today, sunny and blue, with a breeze making it [i]just[/i] cold enough for jeans and a sweatshirt. I have way too much homework to do, but we have a new couch in my apartment and fun food to play with for dinner tonight. And Boba Tea at International Tutoring. I loooove Boba Tea...
ReplyDeleteThe best part of my day was finally accomplishing what has been a goal for me for the past seven months. We now have an official family doctor, family dentist and family optomologist! Hooray! And I have dentist appointments set up for the whole family (except for Mercy, she's too little).
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed shopping for Easter candy. Oh, I could go on and on about the joys of Easter candy. I am moved by the true meaning of Easter, of course. I also happen to be moved by the true deliciousness of mini cadbury eggs, Nestle's chocolate robin's eggs, and Russell Stover truffle cream eggs. Yummy!
ReplyDeleteHmmm, must check on the Miley Cyrus clothing line. Does she have any cardigans? You know all the good things they say about cardigans:)
Best part of my day was that I got asked to be in the Easter drama at our church! Problem is, my brother is also on the drama team and we never know if the other got a part or not. SO, we don't say anything to the other (not wanting to hurt their feelings and all if they didn't get chosen) until we show up at the first rehearsal and see each other. Then we are so excited that we get to be in a production together and our parents can drive 7 hours to see two of their kids do something rather than just one! Happiness all round!
ReplyDeleteWe always tend to have 3-4 types of cereal in the house at any given moment. My husband likes Grape Nuts. yes GRAPE NUTZ! uggh...and he likes anything that feels like it will rot his teeth out in like two minutes. I, on the other hand, being the lady that I am, like shredded wheat and corn flakes and bran flakes. The Kashi ones are the bomb. But I always need atleast two because there are days when I want cereal but I want to choose form more than one. I need choices like that. Even in my cereal. There. There's my cereal dilemma. I never realized I had so much of one until I read your post. Hmm...
ReplyDelete