2.08.2010

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Barnaby?



This is a post that is not about Barnaby.

Contrary to what it might seem.

But also, this post is not really about anything at all.

Today in Testimony Meeting a woman from the pulpit pulled the "I know God loves me because he blessed me with a baby" line. Oh yes. And also, she did one that goes, "You can have no idea how much God loves you until you become a parent." Oh gee, thanks for that, you.

I had forgotten how much it sucks, and she thankfully reminded me. Thanks! And I've decided I have a theory about this. I have a theory that when you first have a baby you become so overcome with happiness and joy, and also probably exhaustion, that you just forget yourself completely and say stupid, completely crappy things. 

But it is okay because I don't get mad about such things anymore.

Lately Barnaby has taken to staring at me like he is a sailor lost on a sea of love. Maybe this post is about Barnaby? If we are in the same room, he is blasting me with the full force of his puppy love. I can't explain it, except to say: I am his Mary Poppins, and he is my Bert.

TOP SECRET: The Holbs really loves Kevin Costner movies. 

On another note: I have terribly dry skin. (February is such a cruel lover.)

We watched The Sound of Music tonight, and I will say, I can never not pause it when they are kissing so I can see the monkey face.

Do you know what you get when you Google "Sound of Music monkey face?"

And . . . that's all I got.

31 comments :

  1. Or as F.G. said, "And that's all I have to say about that." Nicely done! I especially like the "double head fake" escape down the hall. Your boy Manning would be proud of your skills at avoiding the "blitz". My goal this week was to avoid the "indiscriminate" use of quotation marks... "score!".

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great. Now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head aaaallllll daaaay looooong. I do love that movie, though.

    I also like compliments on my false height. Thank Goodness for heels!

    Another great post!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Whenever I say: "You can have no idea how much God loves you until you become a parent," I say it in the most sarcastic tone imaginable because quite frankly my kids are pains in the necks and they'll be lucky if I don't get committed to the looney bin next week.

    Sarcasm: Check.

    (but yep, people have a way with words dont they)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, I love TSOM too! That and Fiddler on the Roof!

    ReplyDelete
  5. People say the dumbest things sometimes. My favorite at church is at testimony meetings on or near July 4th. "I know God loves me because I live in the United States of America, the only place where there is freedom of religion." And I'm like, "Um...I'm Canadian, and I worshipped freely there, too. Actually, it was only after I moved HERE that I got ripped on because of my faith..." Anyway, it's not as gut wrenching as your experience, but the point is that sometimes people's mouths go faster than their brains.

    Kevin COSTNER movies? Hubs and I were just talking about that yesterday, how he's made of wood, I think.

    I was howling over your take on the bulletin board picture. Next time he asks you, just let him know that unless it comes down in a letter over the pulpit from the first presidency that all members are required to get their photo taken for said board, you are respectfully calling upon your right to free agency by declining to have said photo taken, and by trying to force you into it, he is following exactly the plan that the *small print* evil one *end small print* put forward in heaven.

    Then watch him wilt.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hehe, I'm a lurker on your blog, but I've got to say that I love the story about the picture on the ward bulliten board. I remember back when I was active having many, many similiar experiences :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I just loved this post. Oh, so much.

    Firstly, I'm so glad that this post wasn't about a naughty Barnaby; when I read the title I was like, "NOOOOO!" Because I want to keep on feeling justified in loving that dog more than the Pan, and any time you tell a story of MacDuff's naughtiness, the justification just doesn't come, you know?

    You're a better person than I am; I'd get weepy AND angry over the dumb comment. (Although I'm sure the lady doesn't realize exactly what she was saying; although her comment would piss me right off, I also like to believe that people are inherently good.)

    Loved your entire story about dodging the church bulletin picture, especially the comment about "artificial height". And then the whole part about stealing and whatnot. -Such a good post, really!

    Aaaand I'm laughing over the thumb-shaped head remark of Peyton Manning. I graduated with a fella my best friend and I used to call Thumb Head. Only to each other (as we laughed maniacally). This Thumb Head, though...he wasn't so cute as Mr Manning.

    This is all...

    ReplyDelete
  8. your theory is correct. having children has led me to believe that God loves me enough to give me very annoying, and sometimes small, daily trials. i am being tried so often that i think i might stand up in sacrament meeting and say just that.

    i think what she meant to say is life is hard. and if it weren't for adversity, i might not know god loves me.

    i found you from cute day. you are adorable! and i spent like 2 hours lurking over your blog just to make sure. yup.

    i love meg ryan flicks too. my husband couldn't understand why i wouldn't let him get rid of our VCR until my VHS tape of "you've got mail" actually wore out.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Those comments are my FAVORITE to hear at church, along with those darling old ladies who tell you that you ought to have kids soon, as you are not getting any younger, they make my heart melt-and then I tell them 'oh we're saving up for a boat first'-gets em every time.
    And really I have never heard of such practices as putting pictures up on the bulletin board-it must be an Idaho thing or something, cause in mecca we don't do it that I know of. And the narrow escape, very spy like- I'm duly impressed.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You're lucky, Natalie--I've got many comments today!

    1) One of my favorites from Young Women was when my leaders would say, "You are all especially blessed because you were born into the church, and that's because you were especially rightous in the pre-existence." You can bet your BOOTY that I raised my hand EVERY SINGLE TIME this happened and asked, "Well, what about ME? I wasn't born into the church. I was born Catholic. And I liked it. Does that mean I was bad in the pre-existence?" People need to learn to a) shut up about stuff they actually don't know anything about and b) bear a real testimony, which is what you know about the truthfulness of the gospel, the prophets, and the Godhead as confirmed to you by the Spirit. Not about where you rank on Heavenly Father's love list!

    2) When I had a baby, I thought Heavenly Father hated me because I hated my daughter. YES--this makes me a bad person! But really, for months all I felt was this overwhelming feeling of sheer panic and the burning desire to give my daughter to ANYONE I thought could care for her better than me (and that was pretty much everyone). Thankfully we've moved on from that and I'm glad to have her around. Except that sometimes I suspect Heavenly Father is enjoying an immensely funny joke at my expense because my daughter is SPRINTING into toddlerhood and all its joys: tantrums, head-banging, clawing of faces, biting of fingers, and all-around spankableness. And I am SO getting what I deserve.

    3) I totally heart Kevin Costner in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves." Heart heart heart. I was totally disturbed this morning to hear that Russell Crowe is redoing the Robin Hood role in an upcoming movie. Why?!? It's ALREADY BEEN DONE JUST FINE, RUSSELL!!! Pshaw.

    4) But if I were to be completely honest with myself (and who wants to do that?), Kevin Costner is about as exciting as packing peanuts. I always tell Karl that the most UN-exciting movie in the world would have to star Kevin Costner and Nicholas Cage. They're both soooo booooring. They make ME feel exhausted just listening to them! And both of them mysteriously seem to find themelves achingly sexy, which is pretty much all-around false. (I still heart Robin Hood, though. Let's not be silly!)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I watched my first football game ever last night, because it was the first time my hometown team went to the Superbowl...and they won! We cried. It was a good game. Though I did have some choice words for the adorable PM, about how I could not love him if he dashed our hopes so cruelly. Sometimes, you just need a win, ya know? And we've need ours for 40 years!

    And, really, it's only the tourists that think Mardi Gras is all about getting it all out before Lent, boobs and public drunkenness. For us, it's about culture, community, and celebration.....I hear from a lot of folks that this is what they like about church.
    It's a great time, especially before all the visitors arrive! :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Why don't you submit the photo of you in the Holbs in swimsuits in the snow. I think that would be perfect for the Ward bulletin board...

    ReplyDelete
  13. I've always thought those public ward bulletin boards were a direct invitation for pediphiles-r-us. Glad my ward doesn't do them, or I would have to be a sneaky pete like you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Fast & Testimony meeting is just a constant train-wreck, isn't it? Oy. OY, I SAY.

    ReplyDelete
  15. and just so you know- even if you have kids and someone makes that comment it can make you upset. i have 2- both adopted. it doesn't make it any easier(just so you know). i know how you feel.

    so glad no one puts pictures on our bulletin board. there are not enough escape routes in out tiny building...and for sure not one through the kitchen!

    and in case you are wondering who the crazy lady is that keeps commenting on your blog- i am also a natalie. and so when i saw you were a natalie i was instantly hooked- because regardless of what the content was, it HAD to be good...because you're a natalie. the name. it instantly pulled me in.

    ReplyDelete
  16. That's pretty outrageous... If God blessed me with a baby right now I think I would feel more like He was testing me!
    It took me a moment to recall the reference, was that "for God so loved parents..."? If not, she must have just pulled it from the air.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I just saw Mary Poppins on stage in LA this past week and it was divine. And that Bert . . . yeah . . . I'm a bit twitterpated over him at the moment.

    I feel like maybe I'm the only person in the world who did NOT watch The Sound Of Music this weekend, but I did watch Oklahoma and I didn't even fast forward through the weirdo dancing bit in the middle . . . can I still be in the club?

    ReplyDelete
  18. or how 'bout this;
    dumb girl: "im so thankful hf found me worthy enough to be a parent"
    me: "oh....that's it! i just have to be worthy, then i'll get pregnant! duh! silly me."
    people are awesome. what i've concluded it that i probably would have been one of those oblivious girls unless i felt the pains of infertility. sorta makes me grateful. sorta.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I checked out the outfits at Have a Cute Day and all were lovely. You have a flair for fashion. I love alliteration!

    Well, that church lady was quite a number, but look at all the support we have for you!

    I enjoyed a gutteral laugh at the Mission Impossible church escape scene you set for us :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I tried to post a reply last night from work but for some reason< it just wasn't happening. So, I'll try to type what I remember. First of all, if there's ever that little voice in your head that asks you why you continue to blog...all you need to say to it is "February is such a cruel lover." Freakin amazing. Who says that? I'll tell ya who- Natalie! LOOVE it! Second of all, I love this post..even though you claim it was about nothing, it obviously struck a chord with lots of us. I think that we should all blog about "what not to say" to the girls in the world trying to conceive. For starters..."take a vacation and you'll get pregnant for sure." OR..."just don't think about it, it'll happen when it's supposed to" OR "God will bless you when he's ready." I mean...REALLY?! How annoying! Natalie, for some reason you're in this struggle. And, it sucks. And you don't understand. And you get pissy when you hear moms in Wal-mart yelling at their kids because you'd give anything for that tantrum. I know. And all I can say is..I get my strength from your strength. There's NOTHING that makes it better. Clomid worked for me the first pregnancy (Parker Jay) and Seth...well...(go ahead...GROWL)I got pregnant with him when I thought I'd really have to be aggressive again trying. I love your blog. I love how real you are. And, I know everyone else does too. HUGS!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  22. But what would we do without those very helpful kind folks? We just might get stuck with our picture on the ward bulletin board!! :D Think of it as a blessing, because they inadvertently may be protecting us from an even more gruesome and dastardly fate!

    Truly, I am famous for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and having no clue, so I like your approach of giving them the benefit of the doubt. I sure love it when people do that for me when I have my own little turrets moments.

    ReplyDelete
  23. You can escape while wearing 6inch wedges? You have a talent, my friend!!

    ReplyDelete
  24. YES! YES! YES! Bear a real testimony! I think the church should require this be taught in every class once a month... on fast sunday!

    (I kinda feel bad for the lady who said that, her life is sad to me.)

    IN OTHER NEWS... You're cute as heck over on my blog! So thanks for that!

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I promise my life isn't sad! At least, not anymore. Post-partum depression is a b&#$@, but it's gone now. And hopefully it won't return again in July--or EVER. Really and truly, my life is happy!

    ReplyDelete
  27. ok. i am gonna address a few things.
    1-the hurtful comments. i had to wrap my head around that crap too. and from a close friend who when she got pregnant was all 'i'm the chosen one' and when i did not was all 'maybe God is tell you and j.b. something...like you're not a good match'. she is no longer my friend.

    2-the interview. sweet. vanilla cones are the best. so are mini-marshmallows...a mouthful! or five.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I agree. On all of it. I wanted the Colts to win. I don't drink, participate in Lent and I too have the small chest so I totally get you on Mardi Gras. And I adore The Sound of Music. I can not get Tim to watch it with me though. *sigh* men.

    ReplyDelete
  29. When you said you barely avoided having your picture taken for the church bulliten board, I thought the above picture of almost not you was very appropriate. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  30. No. WAY! my sis and I would always pause it and giggle forever about the monkey faces haha! i'm so glad someone else in this world has discovered it too.

    ReplyDelete

Comments are moderated because mama ain't no fool.