8.25.2011

ON DOING THINGS THAT SCARE ME


this week has challenged me a bit. i think it's cyclical; feeling on top of the world one minute and then suddenly realizing that what you are standing on isn't solid at all, but actually a small pile of mud, and then down you go, slipping until you're flat on your bum and feeling pretty silly.

it's the moment that you first notice the mud that's the killer. if we never noticed the mud, would we ever really be in the mud? (deep thoughts.)

on sunday the world is probably going to end. well, maybe not. our teeny apartment isn't in an evacuation zone, but our new one is. we don't move in until october and i am worried about my new fridge. oh dear, my poor fridge! i imagine it there in my cute new kitchen, bravely withstanding feet upon feet of standing hurricane water, and i wish it good courage.

good courage, awesome fridge!

i texted my mother to tell her we were compiling a 72-hour kit, and also, most likely dying soon.

she texted back,

"i can see you now, hauling 72 hours worth of diet pepsi through the city."

45 comments :

  1. I'll be praying for you and your courage and your new fridge. I'm sure everything will be ok, it always is, you know?
    Stock up on the diet pepsi and the twizzlers so at least if the hurricane hits you can have some comfort food!
    xxoo

    Also I just might try and do something courageous today. Just for you.

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  2. I wish I could find a pair of overalls that looked as good on you as they did on me.

    I'm going to have a long hard think about what scares me, because at the moment I feel quite contented. Then again, perhaps my fear is stepping out of the normalcy into something bigger and different.

    p.s. I had Twizzlers the other day (I sourced them from an American Sweet Shop here in the UK) and I think in the face of a hurricane I'd be stocking up on those bad boys!

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  3. everything scares me pretty much! i have anxiety somethin fierce. but, you know, baby steps...

    bottleblack.blogspot.com

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  4. your overalls are really too cute - what are natural disasters when you've already conquered fashion fear? carpe overalls and silly hurricanes. :)

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  5. nothing to do with anything in this post, but read an article today about a murder/suicide in little ol' moscow idaho. the world is small and scary. just thought of you and wanted to say hello. ps...the overalls are cute. and life is too short!

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  6. Public speaking. Always has been.

    This Saturday at 2:35pm I sit on my first panel. (!!!)

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  7. @Candace--oh my gosh!! thank you for letting me know!

    and @Sayward--good luck!!!

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  8. I highlighted my hair last week -- something I swore I'd never do -- because I felt it was time for a change. It scared me, but I didn't admit it. I made myself promise that, whatever the outcome, I would enjoy it for at least a month. And I'm glad I did it. Now I'm ready for anything... almost.

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  9. Yeah! Rock the overalls! :)

    PS Your mom sounds like mine. You try to tell her something serious (ha) and she makes it a joke. Silly moms.

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  10. We were in the hurricane's path until she took a little turn. But my hubs is a videographer and a company has him on standby to go shoot footage... before, during, after. Yikes. BTW... good idea about the Diet Pepsi and Kit Kats! Priorities, people. Priorities.

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  11. No fair. I read all that you wrote, and you never said what scares you about work. I don't mean any disrespect, but what is your work? I'm new to your blog. I've been reading back and can't seem to find what your job is. Are you talking about being a Mom? Stay safe this weekend.

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  12. Can I ask where you got Huck's cute outfit and suspenders?

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  13. Things that scare me: my hips in overalls (think Liz Lemon) and being personal on my blog (want to sometimes but scurred). Can't say that either will happen today, but maybe one day.

    North Meets South

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  14. I'm like Eva--I live with serious daily anxiety. And the worst part is that my job (SAHM) is the source of nearly all of it! I never felt comfortable around little kids--not even when I WAS a little kid! I don't know how to relate to them. I always liked older kids and grownups. Perhaps this comes from being a twin with no younger siblings. I'm scared of being isolated and alone, and being a SAHM with a crappy ward is tough. (Everyone is older, with older kids, and they tend to leave us apartment dwellers in the dust, even if they don't mean to. In 2 years, I've been invited to one playdate, and the other moms of girls run their own playgroup which I can't join because you have to take your turn hosting and I can't fit seven other little girls in my teensy apartment. This ward is not a good fit for us.) I'm scared of letting my education go and missing the chance to further it because I've been away from school and out of the workforce for so long. And I'm scared of never making another close friend here in Utah--my conflicted feelings about SAHM-hood, my desire to go back to school, and my struggles with depression make me worry that no one here will want to be my friend! Pathetic, really. But it's hard when you feel you stick out and are discontented with prevailing culture. And it's hard to feel like your friendship is something other people would want when you're feeling down.

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  15. Getting pregnant again scares me. And based on your call to action--my husband will be a happy one. We'll see...

    You can kick that hurricane's a-hole...and if you can't--you're new fridge can.

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  16. So I am with you on the hurricane thing. So not fun. I had to evacuate for one two years ago. it was another "I" hurricane, Ike and while it did not make me put on adorable overalls. It was super stressful! You and your son are so so cute! Stay safe! :)

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  17. @emily--the jeans are old navy, onesie is carters, and the suspenders are american apparel. it's his (mean, my) favorite outfit!

    @megan--dude sister, check yo emailz.

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  18. @M Taylor--I write full time for Babble. It's a great gig! But a lot of work.

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  19. I found you on Bable and I am happy I did it.

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  20. i love those overalls. lately the only thing that scares me is what will happen if we can't ever get pregnant. other than that the world is my oyster. (i don't really know what that means, but ya know....)

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  21. Those overalls are HOTTTT, by the way. Not like the ones I wore in college (you know...three eyars after they were cool). I WAS voted "cutest girl in overalls" by the guys I hung out with (who were nice enough to tell me this...though they also said I made the best Christmas elf when I wore a Santa hat to lunch one day and said I should go hand out candy canes at the guys' dorms if I wanted dates...is that a compliment?). Do you think those overalls would go well with an ugly oatmeal-colored sweater or (and I'm branching out here!) one in gray? No? Sigh. Then I probably should forgo them myself. Bummer.

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  22. I lived in Florida for a summer in college. It was a silly little internship at a teensy little beachfront resort. I was in Fort Myers in August? Was I out of my mind?! And so we had to do hurricane prep at least once a week for several weeks in a row. And I had to evacuate my little beach house on the island all the time. I remember one of the evacuations, crossing the bridge to the mainland and being stuck in the most intense rain, driving a truck that wasn't mine. I was going like 5 miles an hour, trying so hard to see the tail lights in front of me.

    After that summer, all alone, driving in the rain, prepping for storms, I left the country. I studied for a semester in London--faced the big city and tubes and new friends from all around the world--and I knew not a soul. But I somehow felt so ready. It was like living on that little Florida island for a few months, facing down storms every day, had somehow prepared me for whatever other adventures there were!

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  23. I laughed SOO hard at your Mom's text about the Diet Pepsi, that is me and Diet Coke. You and "the little one" look adorable in your outfits. Sending safe wishes to you and the family, and the new fridge too--need to keep all that Diet Pepsi cool, right!!!

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  24. In college in Florida, hurricanes gave us weeks and long weekends off of school, road trips to friends' homes and lots of fun. I have a strange fondness for hurricanes, but probably because I didn't own any land or homes or apartments during those times.

    Hope you all stay safe.

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  25. Long time reader, first time commenter.

    I'm in the middle of a scary season of my life. I just transferred from a small town college where I knew everyone to a big city university where I know no one. I don't have a job and I'm far from home. I'm praying that I made the right decision and that I'm not going to epicly fail at life here. I'm so far out of my comfort zone, especially because I'm super shy so it's hard for me to meet people and put myself out there.

    My courageous moment is going to be talking to new people tonight.

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  26. i always wanted madmen glasses and to blog without abandon. i've done both in the last month! try not to be afraid nat, just be you.

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  27. @Megan...hope you see this! I'm a sahm living in a very old ward in Utah. You're right, it's harder to make friends, but we manage. Anyways... let's be friends! I'm not even joking. You sound fabulous and those play group women sound awful. Email me (email is on my blog)! I am DEAD serious, here.

    I'm afraid of flying to London with a 8 month old who really likes sleeping in her own crib, gosh dangit. Good thing I'm doing that in 2 months! (heaven help me!)

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  28. I was just going to blog about fears after watching a YouTube video about Autism. I fear something will happen to my babies. And unlike one of your commentors I fear NOT getting pregnant again. I want my twins to have younger siblings... I fear the day when my dog gets old and sick. Full of it (fear) today.

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  29. it makes me feel better to hear about all ya'll with anxiety - i too have been suffering from it for over 10 years now and it really sucks the big one. i have come a long way, but sometimes when i am having an attack i get really scared that i will never beat this thing and i will not be able to function in society, lose my job, and become a shopping cart lady living on the street. i have tried to be more courageous when i do have an attack and say, "eff you, anxiety - i will not let you win! i'm going to conquer you and slay you and you will bow down to me!" thanks for encouraging our courage, natalie. :)

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  30. I'm scared to death of the dentist! Absolutley, positively, undeniably, certifiably, without-a-doubt TERRIFIED! I WENT TODAY after a ten year hiatus. You know what? Only one teeny cavity (hooray) and my new dentist is HOT, HOT, HOT! (Double hooray!)

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  31. Commenting makes me nervous. Silly I know. But, this my friend is an important matter and I just have to go for it. for weeks now I have been on the hunt for the perfect striped shirt, and I think that my search is finally over thanks to you (the striped guru:) pretty please share where you found those fine lines. I would be forever grateful. Ps. baby Huck, you have the sweetest little face. You bring lots of smiles thisaway. I've been wanting to you this for a while now. Y'all are the best!

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  32. Natalie, If there is something about your work that is making you feel like you don't have 'courage', or that is 'scaring' you why don't you just talk to your boss about it? Fretting about it is only going to give you an ulcer. Really, just talk to your boss. I bet you'll feel better. I don't know if you have ever heard of a blog called Little Green Notebook. Jenny also lives in NY. I read on her blog that she was having the same kind of day you were yesterday. I hope hurricane Irene doesn't take the cheer out of all my favorite NYC bloggers.

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  33. your overalls are SO much cuter than mine, which i just made myself donate to goodwill since i hadn't worn them in, oh, 6 years! i haven't bought any hurricane supplies yet (i live near dc, i think the storm is starting tomorrow)... maybe i should do that tonight?

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  34. Nat, I lived in NYC through two blackouts, the 1980's hurricane, the first WTC bombing, the Bicentennial fireworks, and the Diana Ross free concert in Central Park. Talk about disasters!. I have never seen a city as resilient and livable as New York. Just stock up, and hold on. There will be civil unrest several days into the blackouts, and it will take days to get the subways pumped out, but be safe, and know that you will make it. If you can make it anywhere, you can make it there.

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  35. It scares me to not be with my family where the hurricane is going to hit. But I am not ever with my family, so check in the box, I guess.

    Where are the overalls from? I think their adorable, and when I have a fuzzy-head baby of my own, I would like to match with his suspenders, too.

    Becky from Love, Parlor Talk

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  36. can i tell you, sister girl (when i became a large, urban woman- i don't know), the other day i was thinking... "self, you know how you always said overalls on adults were the worst most unacceptable thing... well, self, you want a pair."
    i knew this day would come. i mean, overalls were my absolute favorite thing when i was six. these things are cyclical, you know.
    also, i'm terrified to blog. i'm afraid no one will read it. then i'll feel uninteresting. and then i'll crash and burn. which is dumb, because i blog for the people who read it, not for myself. so.... onto the next post...
    every day is a new battle! let's move onward with our funny wooden swords and maybe newspaper hats, too?

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  37. I wish you the best of luck Nat! I hope you and your new fridge survive this crazy weather. :)

    On a side note, I was supposed to visit NYC tomorrow for the first time ever (crazy, right?) and that terrible Irene ruined my plans. :( Oh well, always next time.

    Shannon
    www.11thandshannon.com

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  38. As a life long Louisianan, I have evacuated more times than I can even remember to return to a home in perfect condition (2005 not withstanding.) Point being, I'm a little lackadaisical about hurricanes. That being said, what a week NYC has had!!!!!

    Don't be scared. Or head inland. But those overalls are adorable, and Huck seems to like them too!

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  39. I love that Huck's fat rolls look like manly muscles in those suspenders. So cute. So are the overalls. Ok. I'll go ahead and wear bright red lipstick tonight. JUST. FOR. You.

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  40. i've recently found your blog and i love it! i love your style of writing and how honest and open you are while still managing to be funny and light hearted. also, I am very jealous of how well you pull off those overalls!

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  41. Dear Nat :
    Please, please, please, take the photo of you and Huck grinning at each other and blow it up to POSTER SIZE and put it on your wall.
    It is the second cutest thing I've seen all day.
    ( The first cutest being my lil guy in HIS white onsies, bare-bummed, staring at his reflection and smilling away.)

    *heart*

    -kat

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  42. natalie,
    this post couldn't have come at a better time for me. i am absolutely terrified that all my post-college plans are going down the drain (& fast). i'm supposed to be moving to new york next saturday, but i still haven't found a job. i was really confident at the beginning of the summer, but after 25+ cover letters, i'm starting to panic. i realized last night that it would be foolish of me to sign a lease without first having a job, so now i may not be able to live with my two good friends like we'd planned. also, i just found out that my mom has to have knee replacement surgery in october, & i want to be back for that because she will have very limited mobility for a month. meanwhile, my s.o. is starting grad school in connecticut. we just got engaged, & i haven't seen him in a month. it was my idea to move east, & now i'm really scared that i won't be able to do it. at the very least, my move is taking a totally new, way scarier form.

    thanks to your post, i've resolved to do one courageous thing in my control: i am going to organize my childhood room & donate as much stuff as i can so that my mom can use it as her art studio when she is recovering from surgery.

    sorry for the book-long comment, but i hope it shows you what a terrific job you are doing! your blogging work inspires & delights so many people, & i don't think anyone could do it better. also, those overalls are the most perfect things i have ever seen!

    good luck this weekend. i am asking ms. irene to please do her hurricane business in the middle of the sea, away from civilization. it is the polite thing to do, & i do hope she'll be reasonable.

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  43. having to go on dates with people scares the bejeezus out of me. but i can't do that today b/c hurricane irene is coming!! lalalalalalalala, i can't hear you, people i should be going on dates with!!
    in other news, i stopped by whole foods today (it's on my way home from work) and it was COMPLETE pandemonium!! totally bonkers; the water aisle was completely emptied out. moms were stocking up on chocolate milk boxes and crackers (well i am assuming they were moms), single guys wandered the aisles looking lost...what is the world coming to nat, i ask you?!
    p.s. love that striped shirt (of course) and you are ROCKING the overalls.

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  44. I allowed my 11 year old to jump off of a 15 foot cliff because I knew in my heart of hearts if I didn't he might grow up to be a yellow belly like me when it comes to stuff like that....the most courageous thing about it..I watched...and prayed the entire time!

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  45. You in those overalls and Huck in those suspenders is making me DIE right now. SO. CUTE. THAT. IT. HURTS. He looks like a LITTLE MAN. Like a 40 year old man, that has been shrunk down to the size of a baby. He is SO. CUTE. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that picture where you're both smiling up at each other is just amaaazing.

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