4.05.2011

pants and wardrobe nonsense


Today I wanted nothing more in my sad little life than to put away some winter clothes and feel a little more organized. I had just taken the trash to the basement when I bumped into my favorite maintenance guy Miguel, and Miguel was all, "Oooh, King Henry is so STRONG! So CHUBBY! So WONDERFUL! And apartment 301 is empty do you want to go look at it?" And I was all, "shyah!" cause looking at apartments that are bigger than mine and make me want to cry is my very favorite thing to do lately.

Huck and I charged forth into the maintenance elevator and in a jiffy we were on the third floor. I really love that maintenance elevator. I feel like a queen in there, it is just a lovely little thing to be carted around to different floors by a manually operated lever.

Slightly related: Attending scouting operations on different floors in my building is always a trip because every floor looks like my floor, but not every floor smells like my floor. My floor always smells like stuffed red peppers, but the third floor, well, today the third floor smelled like pasta.

And oh, I can tell you, I know heartbreak. Intimately. Yes, I know heartbreak, and her name is 301.

Living room space! A hallway for the stroller! A kitcheny-type kitchen with room for a T-A-B-L-E (we must spell it out because lately that is a dirty word). The bedroom was huge, and, a walk-in closet!

The only thing she was missing was my mintyfresh green bathroom, but look Greenie, don't get too comfortable.

I left that apartment with stars in my eyes. I promptly called up my landlord to work out a deal only to find out it had been RENTED ALREADY. Probably only seconds before I called because that is just how the Universe likes to play me lately.

So the moral of the story is, when you are stuck for time and all eternity in a too-small apartment, you organize crap, because what else are you going to do?

And so it was that today, during one of Huck's six 20-minute naps, I discovered this bizareness going on in the back of my closet.


In my defense I am pretty sure I bought them at a sidewalk clearance sale for five dollars while pregnant. This is no defense at all because really, who buys stuff while pregnant but stupid people? (Also I think I recall buying them on a SUNDAY. woops!)

While I was trying the pants on (if you can even call them pants), Huck woke up from nap number four. I was glad, I needed a second opinion. The two of us took a moment, and we pondered.

I'm at a loss.

They are clearly so bad that they have swung around to awesome, only they have also swung clear past awesome and into the dreaded "I can't tell" category of fashion, which is probably why I should definitely keep them and wear them like a champion.

51 comments :

  1. Wow, those pants are wow! I think I would have to get rid of them, but I would not be cute in them and you are, so it is in the dreaded gray category. Maybe you should wear them out and about and ask random people and then tally the votes and see if you get a funny story and decision out of it. That could be fun. Then of course if they vote them down you keep them and do it again another time. I heard pleats are in?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my gosh. . . those pants! I have no words.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You could keep them and make Huck a denim jacket out of it. But really just throw them out....Even if they do give a chuckle.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm all for keeping clothes that have passed bad and into awesome.. but those are really just awful in any way. Amusingly awful. I would keep them for terrible dress-up parties. Although the fabric looks nice... so you could sew them into something better! Might make a nice skirt.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Um, I have those pants too! J/K Wanted to make you feel better. They're hideous.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hm. Nope, I think these pants passed through bad, into awesome, and continued back around to bad again. ;) But you sure look cute, as always. Bummer about the apartment. You're brave to live in your cosy space.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Haha, these are AWESOME You definitely can pull it off, though I do have to put them into the "I have NO idea" region of fashion... I know that I couldn't do it.

    Err- were you serious about that sweater? Because, my e-mail's abiteofallison@gmail.com if you were... :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. It's the side view that kills me. Now, I'm not ripping on you or your fashion (you always look like a millions bucks, from what I have seen on your blog), but the side view? Now, don't be offended, I mean no disrespect, but. The side view makes me...clowny thoughts? Indeed. The side view CLEARLY reminds me of clown pants. The other angles aren't bad at all, really. So if you decide to wear them on a regular basis (to get your $5 worth out of them!) maybe just make sure nobody sees you from the side. Or else embrace the clown within?

    Regarding your clothing giveaway: I'd love it, but you and I? We're different sizes. By, like, a lot. When I go shopping, I like to tell myself that XS is a fake size. I'm 5'11" and medium is as small as I can comfortably (and ethically!) go. I hope your cute anthro sweater lands on a nice, tiny thing who will take good care of it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. nat secretly i love your pants. but seriously its a secret ok. i have ones similar that i bought in a shopping frenzy! I have a bad habit of loving things that are truly awful.

    but... in their defense they make very-comfy-do-nothing-at-home wear :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Definitely passed into the realm of "awful". Keep them for costume parties, like Patricia said. But I appreciate the striped shirt you have on. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  11. for such a cute dresser, it's hysterical that you bought those. though, i can see in a pregnancy induced haze that you thought you were going for the cute trouser look.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think they wouldn't be so bad if they fitted better and looked less like pantaloons around the derriere area!!

    Maybe a little bit of alterating and they MAY, just MAY be wearable???!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Those pants do great things for your backside. And that better not be the Anthro sweater you promised me! If so, then I'm eating all those chocolate pb chip cookies myself!

    North Meets South

    ReplyDelete
  14. The pants are bad. Simply bad. But I have several pairs of bad pants that I reserve for wearing at home or when The Hubs and I visit the huge junk sale. People always wear odd things at junk sales!

    ReplyDelete
  15. What SIZE Anthro sweater? I'm not as tiny as you used to be, and my boobs are like preggo boobs except I'm not. Preggo, that is. But I loves me some Anthro.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Er...no. Toss 'em. I try and dress (or imagine I one day will dress) like French women: they don't go for trendy, but for classic. Will it work in five years? Then buy it. Is it uber-trendy right now for 17-year-old girls? Don't buy it. French women add trendy pieces to classic staples. And those pants are...really odd. And you're too cute to wear weird pants!

    Then again, I roll out of bed every day and put on jeans, a top, and a cardigan. And that's about it. So what do I know?!?

    ReplyDelete
  17. I am SO glad I read on to find out that you didn't like those pants either. I saw your first picture and wanted to wash my eyes with bleach. Onward and upward!

    ReplyDelete
  18. P.S. I spent the most amusing ten minutes in line at Forever 21 (hello, $5 sunglasses!) watching three teenage girls shriek and pose wearing gigantic glasses shaped EXACTLY like my great-grandmother's favorite pair she wore when I was little. My great-grandmother (and my grandmother, to be honest) wore the strangest, chunkiest, flashiest tacky plastic 70s jewelry known to man. Gobs of it. And now, thirty years later, teenage girls want to look like them. It was awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Really, Nat, those pants are like the monkey house at the zoo: at first blush, you're all "Ugh! This stinks!" but then, as time goes by, you stop complaining about the smell. Not because it has stopped stinking, but because you've stopped noticing. Stay clear of the monkey house.

    ReplyDelete
  20. My first reaction to the first picture was, "Wow. They can seriously get away with anything in NY."

    By the end of this post I thought, "But seriously they CAN get away with anything in NY."

    I think you can pull them off, but if you attempt it, you're braver than me.

    ReplyDelete
  21. i LIKE them! I think you should KEEP them and WEAR them! (but not with that shirt. They look like they've come straight off the sartorialist.

    ReplyDelete
  22. To quote Cher from Clueless, "full-on Monet"!

    ReplyDelete
  23. you're so cute. and those pants are not, not at all.

    stop. hammer time!

    ReplyDelete
  24. No one looks good in those pants, Nat. No one. Not even with those hot shoes and that cute baby. NO. ONE.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I love you like a sister but those pants need to go back to the elastic hell that they came from.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Those pants are okay from the front, sort of from the back, and then the side... well, yeah. However, I just purchased "boyfriend" jeans from Zara, that I am telling myself are Euro-looking in their strange bagginess. And I have been wearing those, so I am not going to judge anyone else's denim selections right now.

    Also, so glad to hear a little about the Barnaby. I miss your dogs (your dogs are my dogs, as I don't have dogs in real life. So, please post more pictures of my internet dogs. Thank you.)

    ReplyDelete
  27. You are waaay to cute to go out dressed like a grandpa..

    ReplyDelete
  28. I think that if you fixed the back up a little bit, they could be totally cute harem pants. i tried to get me some harem pants, but unfortunately, i live in Oregon, so almost no one gets it.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Those, dear Nat, are what we in the mid-west call our 'cleanin' pants'. They're the type of clothing that you can wear while doing the grubbiest of housework and you don't give a lick about what gets on them. That's what I'd save them for. That's the ONLY thing I'd save them for, hint, hint.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Bad, bad pants. You do manage to look cute in them, though.

    You really crack me up! Sorry about the apartment. :(

    Your blog is my new favorite.

    ReplyDelete
  31. p.s. these pants also remind me of www.manrepeller.com. If you like them, you should definitely check out that site as it will have other great ugly fashions!

    ReplyDelete
  32. the plethora of stripes is acceptable. the pants, not so much. i guess that is what happens when one shops on a sunday.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I think those are my mom's old pants

    pics-o-andrea

    ReplyDelete
  34. are you telling me you just bought those....OMG...get rid of them right now. They are horrid...and you are way cute...don't wear them again...ever!

    ReplyDelete
  35. When in doubt, toss it out.

    ReplyDelete
  36. What does said anthro sweater look like? I live for ruffly things :) really...my little sister cause it "twee" she refers to all things in my closet as "twee" oh well. Can I see the twee?

    ReplyDelete
  37. Nat, You're onto something. Is this the look you're going for?
    http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=48607&vid=1&pid=832064

    ReplyDelete
  38. Five dollars or not, throw them out. They don't flatter your adorable figure, and that's just a shame.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Trash em. And where did you get those heels?!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Did Katie Holmes give you those pants?

    ReplyDelete
  41. I have to be honest.. I think they look awesome with the heels! Some shoes just have that power... haha!

    ReplyDelete
  42. all I can say is "thats what you get for breaking the sabbath' :D

    ReplyDelete
  43. Maybe this video will cheer you up! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZSdrtEqcHU&feature=player_embedded super tiny new york apartment :)

    ReplyDelete
  44. dear natalie. i have 2 pairs of pants in the displayed style, but they are the correct size for me. do not give up on what me and my little sister call "parachute" pants because they are dang cute in a smaller size. may i advise that XXI21 has some v. nice ones i spent $17 on.

    ReplyDelete
  45. hi Nat,sometimes i honestly feel like you are blogging about my life except i live in tiny flat in scotland and you live in my love NYC. i have to lug my 17lbs 5 and half month ole baby and all his worldly goods up 3 flights of stairs. we recently went on holiday and something was missing oh thats right back, neck and arm ache! He like your gorgeous boy has forgotten how to sleep and likes to use his mamma as a pacifier or dummy as we call them! So tonight his dad is taking over and he is getting baby whispered. in short i feel your pain.

    ReplyDelete
  46. My first response is to immediately tell you to douse them in a flamable liquid and light them on fire.

    However then I think about opportunities to wear said pants in bizarre situations.

    -wear them on a plane, if the plane goes down surely the thighs would inflate and you would simply float down to the ground safe and sound with huck in tow.

    -wear them to a painting class, perhaps once splattered in paint they would be epic and awesome.

    -wear them on the streets, people might give you money.

    -wear them to an ugly sweater party, ugly sweater + insane pants = winning!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Wow, it seems like none of your commenters really follow fashion, huh? Because those pants are pretty much exactly what we've seen on the runway this year and last year. Yeah, you might look out of place at a Cafe Rio in Salt Lake, but in New York? Throw on a fabulous belt and rock the gladiators, and you'll look like you just stepped out of Fashion Week.

    ReplyDelete
  48. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I read all of the comments on my way down to the post a comment box, and you've got some seriously funny people writing to you. I love it!

    But my favorite is the Anon above me. I say, who cares if you looked like you just stepped out of fashion week? Wouldn't you rather look good than fashionable?

    Those pants, NO.

    Those shoes, YES.

    Your welcome. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  49. Or is it "you're welcome?"

    Yes, sorry, "You're welcome."

    ReplyDelete
  50. Those pants are great!!!!

    For waxing your floor, for polishing your cute shoes, for wiping up your cute doggie's drool.

    And you could use the rest of the little pieces for washing dishes and wiping very cute Holbsbaby butt.

    No offense to the pants.

    ReplyDelete

Comments are moderated because mama ain't no fool.