moss moss moss rain! rain! mold.

Brandon is going to be SO EXCITED! I am posting today! With words! Sure, why not? Here we go and strap yourselves in, I am rusty!

I am in Portland, and if I were to do a spot-on impersonation of Portland, it would go like this:

"drip, drip, drip, mossssssssssss growwwwiiiiiiing."

Being in Portland means watching a lot of Kourtney and Kim Take New York. I constantly have to remind my mom which one is Kourtney. (Kourtney is my Kardashian. We all have one.)

"The short one is Kourtney. She's like the me-Kardashian."

"That one?"

"No, the tall one is Alex. Kim is the Amanda. You're the Kris."

"Does that make your dad the Bruce?"

". . . Yes."

Being in Portland also means torturing my baby for whole minutes at a time in the car and watching a lot of YouTube with Blake. It means that at any given moment, somebody is humming this.

And do I miss my husband? Yes. I laugh infinitely less often when he is not around. Does Huck miss his daddy? Yes, that too.

Being in Portland also means being in Grants Pass. Oh good, now I can talk about this part:

I have given it some thought, and I would like very much to be a minimalist. Doesn't that sound lovely? Like, in my heart of hearts, I'm all "One stripe-y shirt is enough, thanks. Who needs more than one necklace? I only have one neck!" In my heart of hearts I am very logical like that.

But I am a Maximalist. Like Jonathan Adler. Or rather and more specifically, like my grandmother Shirley Jean.

We spent some time Monday afternoon looking through my Granny Goose's collections of tablecloths. Some women collect stripe-y tops, other women collect tablecloths, who am I to judge? At one point my Granny Goose was showing us one of her many Christmas tablecloths, in a lovely cream and gold, which she purchased because "just in case I ever needed it." Have you ever used it? my mom asked. "No, but I just thought I should have it."

Half of my brain nodded at her reasoning while the other half of my brain recoiled in horror. That is my brand of crazy right there, passed down through the generations, the need to hoard $5 white v-neck tee shirts from the Walmarts and buy every stripe-y top under $20 because there is obviously no such thing as too many stripe-y tops only but sometimes I wonder, is all.

This was me as I was packing my bag for Portland, with my mother overseeing the endeavor:

"I will pack this . . . I will pack that . . . I will pack every stripe-y shirt I own because . . . wellllll . . . (cue my luggage being too stuffed for anything else) . . . oh bother."

A better person than me would be making some kind of life-altering decision here, but I am on vacation. All of these words that just flew from my fingers hurt my brains coming out. Physically hurt my brains!

Oh right I was going to talk about my farmhouse.

First, this. My sister Amanda is decorating a new house and I am tagging along for funsies except that all these cute things for houses that you can buy in the suburbs are totally hurting my feelings.

Home Goods? Let's not talk about it.

I happened to meet my soul mate of a very unrealistic couch today and my heart broke into a million pieces. She was a blue, high-backed floral lover with button-tufting and I cried, I did. And then I bought her,  imaginarily speaking, for my farmhouse. Do you have a farmhouse? I have a farmhouse. With a rusty green pick up truck in the driveway and chickens out back, and also a barn cat. Peter Pan is in love with the barn cat but she has no use for him, the poor soul.

While I was at it I also bought a free-standing bird house made of powder blue chicken wire for my farmhouse. And then I baked a loaf of bread which I planned to eat with my homemade lemon curd. And I made peace with my inner maximalist, and with all of the unnecessary seating arrangements I will someday have maybe, and with my too many stripe-y tops to ever wear in a lifetime, and with my Christmas tablecloths for just in case.

And then I texted Brandon back home in our tiny apartment, where you hardly have room to think a coherent thought:

In five years we are moving to the country. I'll need rubber wellies for this

And now, with no clear summary or point to this post, I am going to bed.


  1. I too have a farm house. And it has chickens. And a highland mini cow.

    I love these kinds of Nat the Fat Rat posts. They make me happy.

  2. This post was worth waiting for. Holbs is right- it's great when you write and we have waited!Please don't let that baby blog take all the Nat away!

  3. my farmhouse has bunnies and horses and maybe a cow, but only a retired cow.

    love this story, hope you're having fun even tho you & the holbs are missing each others!

  4. Oh, Nat, this felt good. All the words (and even with caps!?!) made my soul sigh with rejoicing. Even rusty, you're great! :-)

    I didn't realize you were still on vacation. Don't feel like you have to write while you're away. Enjoy life! (And truthfully, you don't even have to write when you're back, it's just that I would miss you so.)

    Moving on.

    I have had a rambling old Victorian house in the country forever, with secret passageways where former slaves used to hide on the Underground Railroad, and a giant, welcoming, wrap-around porch. You could come over and help me plant things, because I'm quite sure you would not kill all greenery like I do. (But maybe my magic house would cure my black thumbs?) It does!

  5. Packing is my nemesis. Seriously. All the "What ifs" that come with it are just too much.
    I am really loving this post and adoring you more because you watch Kortney and Kim Take New York.
    It's my guilty pleasure. And you're right. We all have one.

    One day...someday...we will all have that farmhouse. Or at least you and I can, right?

  6. Words! YUSS! (great post)

  7. Ohhhhhh, I bought a pair of wellies today, partially in preparation for my very own Portland trip on Monday, and i spent the last two days' worth of free time wandering back and forth between urban outfitter's and anthropologie trying on every dresss/cardigan conglomeration imaginable and expanding with delight every time I said to myself, "Could I wear this with my wellies? Methinks no."

  8. Oh how my heart misses Grants Pass and the whole northern west coast. I lived in Mt. Shasta, CA (about 2 hours south from there) for 5 years and miss it terribly. I moved back to Missouri about a year and a half ago and boy do I miss the mountains and “real” trees. What they call trees here might as well be bushes in comparison!

  9. I strive to write things in the hilarious manner that you write in. I love reading your posts, they always make me laugh!

  10. Natalie! I have never commented before but feel I have to because I am so excited about the post with the words... very good. Warms my Friday right up.

    I had a big sprawling house with chickens that once came inside my house and laid eggs... but it was in Hawaii! And then my husband and I decided we should grow up and get real jobs and now I live in a not-farmhouse.

    But I do love Home Goods. YES.

  11. Kourtney is my Kardashian as well.

  12. I have an inner farmhouse as well...and it just keeps getting bigger the more I look at Home Goods online. Also I am a Maximalist as well. I am trying to stream down to be minimal, however once old stuff leaves I find the urge to replace it with new stuffs!

  13. You are a great storyteller, girlfriend! Now, don't get me wrong, your pics are absolutely fabulous, but I do love your writing.

    Trolololo is so rad. There's a morning talk show in my area that uses it as transition music. Hilarious!

  14. Thank you for returning! My, how I've missed you and your random thoughts. We are best friends you my head that is.
    Too creepy?
    By the way, our babies need to meet someday. They would get a kick out of eachother.

  15. Hey wait! I don't have a Kardashian.... hmm, this is going to require some serious thought. Maybe Khloe?
    Anyways, have fun in Portland, sounds lovely (minus the car time) and travel safe! Love the post with words, btw :)


  16. When I clicked on the Trolololo link I half expected it to be the dreaded "friday" song. I'll take Trolololo any day over Rebecca Black.

    I have an Italian-Renaissance-style gallery home surrounded by acres and acres of pine and aspen forests.

  17. I have an imaginary farm house too!!! and it is a very sad day when I drive past the real farm house of my most dreamy dreams. I secretly it goes up for sale knowing that I would never in a million infinities be able to afford it. I actually have been scheming up a vegetable garden in mine. :)

  18. As a fellow city-dweller, I feel your pain. I'm passing by too many lovely things in thrift shops that don't get to come home with me.


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