For My Dad

Once upon a time there were three dogs.

One was small, black, and courageous. His name was Sir Barnabus MacDufflestuff.

One was tall, white with brown spots, and emotionally fragile. His name was Peter Pan.

One was large, black, and soulful. His name was Elvis The Dog.

Peter Pan and Barnaby MacDuff live in peace and contentment in the Kingdom of Poo, a colony adjacent to The Land Full Of Furniture To Chew On.

Elvis The Dog lives across the fence from the Kingdom of Poo. Elvis The Dog is the ruler of the Kingdom of Tall Grass and Automotive Parts.

When Elvis The Dog runs around in his Kingdom of Tall Grass, he creates great rustling noises, like a ferocious wind.

Elvis The Dog loves to sing. At night he stands by the fence, raises his giant head to the sky, and croons for all of B Street to hear.

Elvis The Dog and Peter Pan have a long-standing relationship based on mutual respect and trust.

When Elvis The Dog pokes his giant black nose through the gap in the fence separating the Kingdoms, Peter Pan somberly trots to their meeting place and the two of them confer like the esteemed dignitaries that they are.

When That Person With The Tall Shoes brings treats to the back yard, Peter Pan makes sure that Elvis The Dog is granted a milkbone of his own, as per the great treaty of 2006.

And when Elvis The Dog initiates a Twilight Bark message in the dark of the night, Peter Pan dutifully sends the message along with his hoarse donkey-bark.

Then Barnaby MacDuff moved to the Kingdom. He has no respect for such goings-on.

When Elvis The Dog appears at the fence, a playful growl jumps from Barnaby MacDuff's throat, and as he wriggles with delight toward the fence, Elvis backs out, ending the meeting of the minds before it can begin.

When That Person With The Tall Shoes brings treats to the back yard, Barnaby MacDuff engages Peter Pan in a spirited chase around the back yard for the last milkbone, causing Peter Pan to forget the great treaty of 2006.

And when the howl sounds and Peter Pan sits up to join the Twilight Bark, Barnaby MacDuff engages Peter Pan in a bed battle before he is able to get two syllables out.

And so the two great Kingdoms began to separate. Elvis The Dog no longer comes to the fence, and his Twilight Barks have ceased; it is too dang cold outside.

But Barnaby MacDuff recently had his nards taken out, and often with the relinquishing of puppy masculinity comes the wisdom of chastity and humility.

That Person With The Tall Shoes and her husband, The Other One, predict that a new treaty will be formed in the Summer of 2009, and Barnaby MacDuff will be initiated into the Alliance of the Schnozzles and included in the bi-weekly fence meetings as well. And then the milkbones will flow like honey.

The End.

1 comment:

  1. so basically i just really like that you used the term "nards".

    and the story was terrif too. a truce, a truce!!


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