House rules are very important in a marriage, is what I say. And now, here are the Holbrook House Rules, as of this seventh day of November, Two Thousand Whatever:
RULE THE FIRST: Making Up Songs Is Not Allowed. This is mainly for The Holbs, and it came about because there are only so many words Holbs can come up with that rhyme with Natalie (broccoli).

RULE THE SECOND: Natalie Is Not Allowed To Shop Online. This is because once the flood gates are open there is no turning back.

RULE THE THIRD: Natalie Is Not Allowed To Make Complicated Metaphors. This one chagrins me mightily because I am a pro at metaphors. This one came about because too many times during arguments I will make a complicated metaphor to illustrate my point, causing The Holbs, a little slow on the uptake, to have to stop and consider things, and this gets in the way of his point-making ability and argument rhythms, and yes, the metaphors I come up with are a little ridiculous. This rule gets a lot of play at our house, often in front of other people, which causes them to halt the conversation and go "Wait, what??"

Por Ejemplo, The Other Night:
Scene: Our heroine, Natalie, explains to friend Anne why she wants a fat baby, and why she should quit her job post-haste.

It's like this - say you have a championship basketball player, and all his life he's been forced to play hockey.

(poking his head in from the other room)
Hey! What's the rule?

I'm not allowed to make complicated metaphors...

Wait, what??

RULE THE FOURTH: No Puking, Puking Noises, Or Puke Talk. Our most important house rule. Brandon breaks this rule all the time.

Unrelated: I wore red lipstick to our ward's Young Women in Excellence program last night and it did not make me feel fabulous (see fig. 1). I find this confusing and may need to repeat the experiment again.
Fig. 1: Photographic evidence of lipstick, and a larger than average nose.


  1. i love your blog. l.o.v.e. it. i seriously think that we might be sisters separated at birth (or maybe just bff's) because sometimes i read your blog and it's like you are in my head :) it is crazy. in a good way :) thank you for being so witty/funny/smart/awesome and for writing a really awesome blog. happy friday!

  2. You've gotta keep wearing the red lipstick. Jealous.

  3. Love the red lipstick!

    Delurking again...Thanks again for sharing your fertility frustrations. It is so nice to know I'm not the only OCD hypochondriac! Do you have or has anyone suggested the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"? I've thumbed through it and it seems to be a great resource for us OCD fertility types. Many online resources say this book is a must to own.

    Good luck!

  4. kalli is not allowed to shop online either

    the results are both glorious and devastating when she does

    how odd is it that my hub is ALSO barred from painting glorious metaphorical pictures?

    twinners? maybe.

    the lipstick: yes

  5. Thanks for the Red Lipstick Love. I will try the lipstick again! Heaven knows we all deserve a second chance!

    Karen, I've heard of this book! I'm going to have to check it out, if Month Seven becomes Month Eight, becomes Month Nine...

    Anybody have any luck with Guafeinesin??

  6. I seriously think you should just go touch the brought me luck :) I spent 20 mins or so skimming it at the bookstore. The threat of buying it kicked my body into high gear! LOL I had promised myself that if I wasn't pregnant that cycle, I would buy the book.

    I had never heard of taking Guafeinesin for that until you asked. Amazing!!!

  7. ps that book made me crazy because i started obsessing about everything...

    i don't recommend it, unless you want to get even crazier and more obsessed

  8. has dh gone in for testing? you know it may not be you (or just you!). sounds like your cycle may be right on schedule!!! there is also a post coital test that can be done. it checks to see the viability of the sperm after sex. sometimes the "environment' can be too hostile for the sperm & it can kill them off. there are solutions for it. all they do for the test is do a swab like an hour after sex & look at it under a it is an easy test. i also recommend that book. very easy read. very detailed. lots of ideas. i have heard of Guafeinesin...but it was so long ago, i don't remember what my final thoughts were on it. I do know i didn't take it.

  9. oh, yeah. LOVE the red lipstick on you.
    I have always wished i could pull off red lipstick.
    I think it totally rocks.

  10. If I did not tell you Miss Natalie, I did love your red lipstick last Wednesday evening.

    And of course, you are in my prayers for one cute, fat baby. :)

  11. Do you know if your progesterone leavels are normal? If you have low progesterone then your lining may not be thickening enough to allow the embryo to implant. It's and easy fix and I believe the test is an endometrial biposy on a certain day of your cycle.

    I would also have your husband tested!! Using the Kreuger test

    Then think about a hysterosalpingogram done to make sure your tubes are open and uterus is normal. Not so pleasant of a test so I would do this after the items above and take your husband with you.

    One thing to keep in mind, if you can get all the tests done by the end of the year, then when you have your insurance open enrollment you can put money aside tax free for any medications, treatments, etc. in your flex spending account. I'm an obsessive planner! Can you tell?

  12. i break the 3rd rule all the time! and the 4th is an imperative in our house. if hub breaks it, it's off with his head!


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