9.12.2011

THE PROBLEM WITH TEN MONTHS

this morning as we nursed in bed snuggled up together, his arm squeezing mine as i hoped to find another hour of sleep hidden under my pillow, i realized my huckleberry was staring at me.

sometimes through the sweet chub on his face i catch a quick glimpse of his budding jawline and the sweet little boy he's becoming. sometimes he'll flash me a look, a look like he is in there--this boy in this baby body--this look like babyhood is almost over and this baby body is not always going to be a baby body and these mornings won't stick around forever.

i'm still convinced that one of these days i'll find the button that will magically turn him back to three days old. three days was my favorite. i loved three days because three days moved so terribly awkwardly, like a baby t-rex in slow motion.

i loved the scrunched little face and the head of dark hair and the soft little wail when three days cried.

i loved when three days woke from a cat naps and grunted at me. i'd lift him up, my hands on his ribs and my fingers supporting his wrinkled little head, and then he'd reach his skinny little arms to the sky and scrunch his bony little knees up to his chest and yawn his three days yawn and wrinkle his three days face as he enjoyed the end of his three days stretch.

oh my gosh i would give anything for three days again. anything in the world.


this is not to say that ten months does not have its charms.

ten months does not spit up, have terrifying mustardy blow outs, or have healing circumcisions to worry around during diaper changes. there are no umbilical cord stumps, soft spots are fairly hard now, and bumps and bruises are part of the game and worn like a badge of honor. "see this? i'm crawling!" is what ten months says.

ten months mainlines cheerios like an addict, takes sips from straws and looks up at you with the cheesiest smiles, takes more-or-less regular naps, and even is sometimes patient while you "run in real quick i just want to see something" five times in an afternoon outing.

but the problem with ten months is that ten months is not three days.
ten months comes with wanting to get down and explore instead of never-ending cuddles.

and after ten months comes eleven months,
and i simply cannot stand for the nonsense of eleven months.
ten months, okay. we've made a conciliatory peace.
eleven months? don't push your luck, bucko.

i hate to let him grow up.
but the older he gets, the better i know him.
and he's a pretty cool cat, it turns out.
so i suppose i will let him just the same.

33 comments :

  1. That was super cute, Nat. I love how three days took on a little life of its own. I didn't think Devon grew up quite that fast, but WOW is Blake ever speeding up time. It's amazing. Thank goodness that with every infant piece of her that she slowly outgrows, a new delicious little trait arrives in its place. Makes it all a lot easier to swallow.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love this post. This is the kind of post that makes me want to be a mom someday. Thanks for your honest, I love it!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is just so incredibly sweet. I love it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. awww i loved this. he is such a sweet little baby. and he is going to be such a sweet little boy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This made me blubbery. I just put E to bed about 30 minutes ago and have been back in once to smell her hair like a creep, and twice to just look at her and remember what 5 months old feels and looks and sounds like. Something tells me that these will be some of the best days of our lives. Here's to hoping that time will slow down, just a bit.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Posts like this are bad for my bursting ovaries.

    North Meets South

    ReplyDelete
  7. I feel so so the same & have written too many posts I fear my friends think me far too sentimental:) nice to know I'm not the only one.

    ReplyDelete
  8. You have an incredible knack for making me teary.

    ReplyDelete
  9. this is so sweet. i love that three days picture. i can't believe he's almost a year old....i'll be in celebratory mourning right along with ya on that one.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Just the other day we found our now-6-month-old's newborn pictures from the hospital and although such a short time, it seems a lifetime ago!
    Smoking Crayolas Blogspot

    ReplyDelete
  11. I absolutely love that huckleberry guy! :) Thanks for this sweet, sweet post. As if my "clock" wasn't already ticking enough! Heehee...

    ReplyDelete
  12. I just loved this. It's so painfully true.
    My littles are four (four! for the love of all that is holy) and two. And I find to my great amazement that they are every bit as delightful as Three Days.

    ReplyDelete
  13. oh MAN does he look like Brandon in that photo!

    ReplyDelete
  14. oh this is just lovely!!! it makes me more baby hungry than I thought possible. so sweet the mother-child relationship!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh! But! Fourteen months is awesome! Just you wait Miss Nat. It is SO great, in fact, that you can forgive the tantrums and biting and hitting, for serious. I love fourteen months (except this running stuff, I will not have it...oh, nevermind, it is pretty cute when he runs across the yard with one arm in the air like he is directing the world to do his bidding.)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Nat, I loved this! As I sit here, nursing my daughter, who is 3 weeks today, I have the same sorts of stop-the-clock feelings. They grow up too fast! I know that she will always be "my baby," but somehow, that's not literal enough for me.

    ReplyDelete
  17. OH my gosh. Everett still does that three days stretch you talked about...knees to chest, arms to ceiling, all while you're carrying him...and I love it. Going to miss that when he's ten months.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh waahhhhhhhhh this is making me cry this morning! I was just looking at my four-month-old and thinking similar thoughts. Where do babies GO? Love that chubbin huckleberry. Ten months looks pretty dashing on him.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Just wait until he's 8! How time flys... it stinks!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Oooo. I love three days and I know that stretch exactly. My little man (4 months) still loves to wake up slow. Taking his time to arch his back and scrunch his face and pull his pigeon-toed toes to his frog belly before giving me his heart achingly sweet gummy smile. Oooo...babes. They're my favorite.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm right there with you. Gus turns 11 months on Sunday and it sucks to say he's almost 1 year old. But he's cuter and cuter every single day. And so is your little Huck! Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  22. just wait...mine is 11 YEARS. And I still wish I could turn back the hands of time.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Being the mother of an 11-month-old mini man, this post made me teary. I can't bring myself to befriend the cocept of "1 year old" ... I want to stop time, but instead i guess I'll let him grow up too. But he will always be my "Tiny D".

    ReplyDelete
  24. There is nothing so heart-melting in this world as that fresh newborn baby smell (like warm yeast bread right out of the oven--for days, we couldn't stop sniffing our girls' downy little heads!) or what we called the Bundle Stretch (as our first girl went by the nickname Little Bundle for, like, 18 months). I loved picking my days-old girls up and having them curl themselves into C-shapes in midair. Or seeing them wake up and do that streeettccchh while pooching out their little lips, cocking their heads to the side, and making diva faces. I'd give ANYTHING to have those moments back again!

    That being said, hearing your 3-year-old make fart jokes (FART JOKES!!! Am I raising a frat girl or something?) or watching your 14-month-old charm entire restaurants with her scrunched-nose smile is pretty awesome, too.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oh goodness, I have seen that look 4 times now. Each time I find it terribly sad and terribly exciting. My oldest is now 14, and now I get the other look. The look where I can just barely catch a glimpse of my little girl again. But, quick as it comes it is replaced by a glimpse of the woman she is soon to become. Oh, my heart. Huck is adorable, you are one lucky Mama. XOXO!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Are you in my mind?? I just went back to work and eight months is killing me! Everyday I come home and eight months is older and doing more things while I am at work and missing it.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Oh won't these months just SLOW DOWN! My heart was so moved by your words because I am already seeing that little boy in my little baby and my heart aches.

    Your huckleberry is just yummy.

    I loved this post so much.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Oh my, this is the sweetest!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. yup. this. everything. here's how i felt about it: http://www.whileyouwerenapping.com/2011/07/let-me-pause-this-moment.html

    ReplyDelete
  30. oh, he is the sweetest thing on this planet.

    ReplyDelete
  31. You are such a sweet little writer, this brought tears to my eyes. I love your sweet little babie's face! 3 days or 10 months. And is it weird i think we would be friends in real life? Don't mean to be weird. haha!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Sigh. My heart has whispered to your blog, and lo, those aching feelings have shown up in words.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I realize how weird this is, someone commenting on a blog post written what probably seems like a lifetime ago, but I've spent the last few nights going back and back and back some more into your archives, and well, here I am. I've followed your escapades on Instagram before finally finding the blog, but can I just tell you that I am here now? with my hands in the air, amen, like WHOA. Your Huck, he has a 10 month old doppleganger named Ewan. At least in spirit. He is currently asleep in the other room. But not for long, because he is a terrible sleeper. (Also, Ewan's gingerness is currently a level 5 or so, but his Dad still has the manliest red beard on the WEST coast. I believe your Holbs currently holds the title for the East.) I just want you to know that I feel so, so, so lucky to have been able to read about your journey here. I feel I have been living an oddly parallel life (on the other side of the country) and reading this post? Whooo boy. It resonates. E will be 10 months old soon and these feel like the last days of his babyhood to me. And I knew that, knew that that was The Main Thing about being a parent, that children grow up and become independent and go off to college and fall in love and have their own babies and get mid-life crisis tattoos or whatever but I did not expect to be confronted with that fact SO EARLY. So these days feel tender and a little bit sad in a way I had not expected. Watching your little Huck grow up, and reading this post, well, it makes me feel just a bit calmer about it all. Knowing I will love his toddlerhood as much as I've loved his babyhood. Not more, not less. Because I already love him all there is.

    So now that I've just done the virtual equivalent of talking really really fast without taking a breath (and probably coming across as a touch overly enthusiastic), I will try not to sound like a total creepster when I say, thank you. You and your family? You are my kind of people. If you're ever in the Portland area and looking for a place to eat (we own a restaurant) or just another completely awesome red beard for comparison, well, then we got you covered.

    all love,
    andrea

    ReplyDelete

Comments are moderated because mama ain't no fool.