1.16.2011

because ophiuchus is not a dirty word


ok, so, a virgo, a libra, and a scorpio walk into church one sunday. something something something, punch line, badum-ching!

while they were there, the virgo helped pass the sacrament, the libra played the piano in relief society, and the scorpio looked really cute and kicked his legs when people smiled at him.

when they got home they said hello to their dogs (a libra and a taurus), and then they all probably took a nap or something, because going to church is really tiring.

this week, three virgos walked into a church. a virgo, a virgo, and a virgo. the one virgo helped pass the sacrament again, the other virgo played the piano during relief society, and the third virgo stubbornly refused all his naps and spent the majority of the afternoon with a tired, quivering chin.

when they got home they said hello to their two dogs (another virgo and now an aries), and then they wished they could take a nap, only instead they had home teachers coming over and a viewing of you've got mail to attend to (very spiritual matters indeed).

this is the part that's a joke: all of the sudden, this week i wasn't a libra anymore. when i found out, i died. i was properly devastated. because being a virgo is silly. i know this because i've seen it happen.

brandon is a virgo. he is such a virgo-y virgo that when the horoscopes up and changed on us this week, he was still a virgo. his virgo essence is too pure!

but i am a libra, or i've been a libra. and you don't just go from the fairest astrological sign in the heavens to the nerdiest without feeling at least a little bit depressed about things.

and anyway, huck can be a virgo if he wants to be, because that's how much i loooooove him.

as of this week, the holbrook household is four-fifths virgo. based on that information, and on my vast knowledge of psychoastrologicalcosmonaut type things, i am really quite qualified to provide for you the ultimate character description of a virgo:
1. virgos love beautiful things, and love to shop. virgos could shop all day long! virgos love to shop online, in malls, in thrift stores, in grocery stores, shopshopshopshopshop.
2. virgos HATE to shop. virgos would rather have their eyes pulled out of their sockets with a toenail clipper than have to shop. virgos would much prefer to watch cheesy scifi movies. nothing is more beautiful to a virgo than a calculator.
3. virgos have seasonal allergies.
4. virgos do not have seasonal allergies.
5. virgos are exceptionally poor at math.
6. virgos get their third post-graduate degree in tax law because they like adding up complicated strings of numbers.
7. virgos like to eat socks and puke them up under the bed on sunday mornings.
8. virgos have very sensitive stomaches and tend to get sick a lot.
9. virgos don't ever puke because puking is a sign of weakness.
10. virgos say things like, "are you ever going to post?" and "you should really post something new. try to sound intelligent though."
you got it?

so obviously it was looking pretty dire for me. but then i saw on twitter that this horoscope change only applies to people born after 2009? (if it's on twitter it must be true. i've prayed about it.)

so, libra again.

it's too bad, i was starting to embrace my new virgo-ness. so being a virgo is nerdy, so what? i love the nerds! and anyway, it could be worse. i could be a sagittarius. (i don't know anything about being a sagittarius.)

i guess i'll just be satisfied to be the one lone libra in a sea of handsome virgos.


so, two virgos and a libra walk into church one sunday . . .

22 comments :

  1. this is fantastic. i, too, was bummed about suddenly being a sagittarius because HELLO! i am SO a scorpio. but if you've prayed about twitter, i totally will live off of your testimony and then i can stay a scorpio forever. all hail zodiac!

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  2. I also heard that it only applies to people in the eastern hemisphere? I don't understand and frankly, you should know this, I don't CARE. Because there is NOTHING Capricorny about me, I hate work and I want naps and committed love. So the change means nothing. So THERE.

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  3. I went from being a Taurus to and Aires, I was really bummed. But hey if you heard it on Twitter it must be true, thank goodness because I don't think my husband could deal with the identity crisis I was going to have.

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  4. Okay so this post is fantastic, and also genius in that you are a genius and I've never seen someone throw comprehensive blog posts out there like you do. Were I wearing a hat, I'd probably take it off to you. But put it back on again cause hats is cute.

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  5. i'm a sagittarius, nat and i think it's pretty swell. Being a true sag (no changing for me!) i feel i can be the authority on such things, so let me introduce you: above all, sagittariuses are free spirited and a bit air-headed. also a sagittarius loves all things artsy fartsy. and ice cream. plus new shoes. sagittariuses also love their men brown and their babies fat and brown as well. its true, i swear it.

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  6. There are two sects of this philosophy... one is eastern and one is western. It's the eastern one that has changed.

    CNN even wrote an article on it to address the hysteria: http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2011/01/13/no-your-zodiac-sign-hasnt-changed/

    Personally, I find it all to be hokem anyways.

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  7. Us sagittarians are great! Although apparently we're supposed to be active, but I've decided that applies to the males. I prefer the inquisitive and adventurous characteristics. Congrats on still being a libra though!

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  8. I haven't even checked whatever the heck I might have been up/downgraded too. They can't do this to people. They can't just flip a switch. I'm a scorpio through & through & that's that.

    Glad you have bene proactive in sorting things out in your household. I need to get on that to make sure we'll all still get along. Especially with the dog & the kitties. We are all walking a fine with them as it is, so who knows what their signs are now.

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  9. I am completely confused by this whole thing. I mean why would it change on us in the first place?

    p.s. I like your fat baby. Give NYC a hug for me please. And if you ever feel like it mail me some canolis.

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  10. This zodiac thing stresses me so I choose not to think about it. I'm Pisces all the way -- passionate sometimes to a fault. If I change, I'll be Aquarius, and Lord knows I'm not pigheaded or rebellious.

    PS... I love the changes you made. The FAQ page is a cool idea and I like what you've done with Nat Nests -- glad to see it's still around.

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  11. I heard the changing of the signs only applies to babies being born this year and that everyone elses sign should stay the same, but who knows. Your baby is super cute, I'm glad things are going to well for you!

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  12. Hey! You're picture on the Deseret News: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700101459/Mormon-mommy-blogs-immensely-popular-beyond-LDS-sphere.html?pg=1

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  13. Astrologers are annoyed because this whole thing was started by an astronomer! Which I find ammusing. Apparently, unless you're following a far eastern form, not using the zodiac as we know it, you're still good. I read that at the beginning of the mess. Can't find it now, though. Still looking!

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  14. Ammusing? Oy. Anyway, here's an article--not the one that I originally read, which is better. But here you go: http://ph.news.yahoo.com/gma/20110114/tel-earth-s-rotation-causes-new-zodiac-s-aebf494.html

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  15. Gosh, reading your posts makes me want to have a baby stat! (Don't tell my husband...)

    PS - I am lovin your blog, so I thought I'd give you a shout out :) http://bit.ly/fNaAUE

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  16. Oh my gosh, Nat...you have come a looong way since 13 (??) when you let Billy (Bro. Bryant to you :) and I in on your family secrets when we stayed with you while JuileMOm and your dad took baby B. to So. Korea for way too long to leave behind with us childless, impatient newlyweds. Remember that? Alex got strep throat on a 89 degree April day and I was THRILLEd because it meant I HAD to stay home from my Bridgeport teaching. I think she is still traumatized by my yelling at her (all of you 3) for wasting to much milk in her morning cereal. Sigh...I know ALL your readers wanna hear this, just thought I would give you a shout out and remind you of your days before you became a STAR! :) Congrats on your success. Your blog is funny, sweet, inspirational and stylish. And you sure have blossomed into a beautiful, amazing mom. HUCK? couldnt be yummier.

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  17. And do you know about THIS???

    http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2011/01/15/feminist_obsessed_with_mormon_blogs/index.html


    HELLLLLOOO??? You rock, girlie!! I write and about 3 people read my blog. :):)

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  18. how on earth can i now be a scorpio?? i've been a dainty little sagitarius my entire life. i mean really, now i am a deadly insect? wait, is that a scorpian though? it's the same root word. i think. so i'm pretty sure that's what it's relating too. however, i did like the scorpio's horoscope better this week than the sagitarius one. maybe this is the new me. but just the same.

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  19. welcome back to libra-hood! Let the boys have thier virgoness, libras rock... and shop... and listen... and help and... well we rock! By the way, I am loving the blog header. Such great pics :)

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  20. as soon as i read all the horoscope hullabaloo, i just brushed it off as pure silliness because i am and always will be a gemini girl (just as both sides of me!)

    bex.

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  21. Ok - I understand, being a virgo, how traumatizing that thought might be. I once had a friend tell me that people befriend virgo's only because everyone knows that you can count on them to get it done "correctly". Her gist went on to say that "we are not people persons".... Bah!

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  22. I am a much better Libra than Virgo as well. I felt a little naked while I toyed with no longer being a libra. I agree to the 2009 and on decision.

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